since i'm on the subject, of what i do and don't want, i thought i'd give examples [some, entertaining] of what has helped me to determine what i do and don't want to deal with in the future.
use the #'s from the previous posting as a guide to what particular dislike i'm referring to...i won't give examples of ALL of them, but, a few should suffice.
...in absolutely no particular order...
(oh, and the names of the not-so-innocent will be protected...sort of)
"Joe"--What Mr.Platt Was Talking About--#13
random guy (with his pants on the ground) that stopped to talk to me as i was walking into the mall one day
him: ayeee shawty...yo name must be burger king, 'cause i'm tryna have it your way"
me: um..., no, my name is Jessica. (i said Jessica, because there's no real reason that this guy needed my real name.)him: oh, well my name Joe, but they call me 'Goldie' (and as he says this, he smiles a big wide smile to showcase his golden grill & in addition, points at it...as if i'd somehow managed to miss it)
"Mark"--The Lush/The Non-Believer--#1, #5
on our first date, during the course of conversation, Mark asked me if i could go anywhere, where would i want to go. since i am very much into anything aquatic related, and at the time, hadn't yet been to the world's largest aquarium, i told him about my plans to at some point check out the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta, GA. well, when my birthday rolled around, mark told me to make sure i didn't make any plans, because he was going to take me some place special. turns out, that 'some place special' was a surprise overnight trip to atlanta, to make my dream come true. i was thrilled. we checked into our hotel around 8pm and then went roaming around downtown in search of a liquor store. we found what must have been the best one, because inside, was a black superman...no, seriously, i have proof.
anyways, after taking full advantage of what was possibly the best photo opportunity of our lifetimes, we proceeded to the register with a 6pk of budlight, and a 12pk of whatever his drink of choice was that night. back at the hotel, we cracked open our beers, and proceeded to get dressed so that we could meet up and hang out with my brother. we met up with him and his friend at a sports bar for dinner and more drinks(he had 4 beers)...left them and went and had a really nice time at the sundial restaurant bar ...where, we ordered a bottle of wine(x2)...and more beer(only one pictured here, but this was juuust the beginning--he had about 6 more).
when we finally got back to the hotel, mark polished off the rest of his 12pk and we crashed out and went to sleep. the next morning, we got up and mark asked if i had any of my beers left, i had two left from the previous night. he grabbed one (warm) and got in the shower with it...got out, then had the other one, before we trotted off to the aquarium and then hit the highway back home. when we got back into town around 4pm, we stopped by his parents' to pick up his dog...where he had a corona, before we headed to his house. on the way, we stopped by the video store for a movie and the gas station....for two 6pks of Mickey's (for him, not me). we made one more stop, for food, and then finally, home. about an hour or two later (no more than two), he'd downed both of his 6pks, when one of his friends called and said they were on their way, he told them to pick him up another 6pk.
ok, let me put that whole story into perspective for you.
12 beers from the liquor store
4 beers at the sports bar
2 bottles of wine at the sundial
6 beers at the sundial
2 warm beers the next morning
1 corona at his parents'
12 Mickeys that he bought
6 Mickeys that his friend brought over
all in all he consumed 43 beers, and the majority of 2 bottles of wine...all in less than 24hours. that's when i realized he had a real problem. i should have realized it before then...getting drunk on a daily basis is usually a pretty good indication...but you know what they say, love is blind.
yes, i am all about knocking a few back, and having a good time. but there's a difference between having a drink, and NEEDING a drink. i'm just sayin'. oh, and he's an atheist...dunno how i EVER thought that was gonna work. i mean, really.
"Bradley"--The Miser--#7
so, i was hanging out with this guy one night and we were in the middle of watching a movie...I, Robot, i believe...when he asked if i was hungry, and if i wanted to make a food run. i was, so i agreed, and we hopped in my car, and off we went. we decided on checkers (something quick so we could get back to our movie). if you've ever been to checkers (or rally's), you know that the drive-thru is set up sort of interestingly. there are two sides--if you pull up on the left side, the speaker is on the driver's side. if you pull up on the right side, the speaker is on the opposite side, and the passenger does the ordering.
in our case, the left-side was car-free, so that's the side i pulled into, and ordered from. after i'd told the person at the other end, what we both wanted, and she gave us the total, brad turned and said to me "how come you didn't put it on separate checks?" ...and yes, he was serious. oh, and did i mention that together, the total ticket was under $10.00? truthfully, i wasn't even expecting him to pay for my portion, i was going to give him my half without him asking...but his statement really kind of blew me away.
i don't even think i need a finishing thought for this one, it sort of speaks for itself i think.
"Jason"--Mr.Unreliable--#14
boy, oh, boy. i'll try to keep this one as short and as sweet as possible. okay...jason and i dated back in my younger years, circa 2000, and we were together for a little under a year. because i come from a largely military background, my family is spread out all over the U.S. and some, out of country. with that said, holidays were generally spent out of town at whoever's home had been selected that year, and for that holiday. so, Christmas rolled around, and my parents were making travel arrangements...except, i wasn't going that year. no, jason had invited me to spend time at HIS family's home in birmingham, al. this was big for me, this was huge...this was the first time that i'd been in a serious relationship really, and the first time that i'd had a guy not only wanting me to meet his parents, but to spend a major holiday with them! i was elated, i cannot stress that enough. because it was Christmas break, he was already IN birmingham, and was having to drive back to huntsville (about 1.5hr distance) to get me. he'd called me and told me to pack my bag for the weekend, and to be ready when he got there so we could turn around and get back on the road to his parents'....i'd probably already had that bag packed for a week (i told you, i was excited). my parents flew out that morning, and so, i sat around trying to entertain myself and keep from going crazy from anxiety, while waiting for him to arrive. well, long story short, he never showed up. he never even called. i spent that Christmas entirely alone. i was devastated, i was crushed...i was utterly..well, confused. i didn't know what to think...had something happened to him? had he changed his mind? i had no idea. the more time that passed by, the more my worry turned to anger (i don't remember, but i'm pretty sure that i probably tried calling him). after Christmas break was over and school was back in session, i was on campus and happened to have run into him, it went like this:
::he frantically flags me down, right in the middle of me frantically trying to ignore him::
him: heeeeey
me: um, hey
him: oh yeah, i got you a Christmas gift
Chris Crocker sums it up perfectly for me:
i don't remember exactly how it went after that, but i do know that i confronted him about being a jerk and standing me up on Christmas...his excuse was even worse than the act itself. he told me he was on his way, but he got pulled over and given a citation for playing his music too loudly (never heard of that happening on the highway...i'm just sayin')...so he turned around and went back home.
DUBBYA TEE EFF. i probably should have known what i was in for, when on valentine's day, he didn't call me until almost midnight and when he did, said "yeah...i got your gift if you want it"...and when i asked him why i was just hearing from him, he said "oh, i've been waiting all day to get a haircut." [insert my blank stare, here]
he was wrong on SO many levels...#1 anyone dating me, doesn't need to lie...i'm pretty easy going, but, if you're going to lie please do not insult my intelligence with b.s. excuses that make absolutely NO sense. #2 i don't have to be your #1 priority, but if i'm giving you my time (which, believe me when i say, is RARE for me), then i expect to be somewhere near the top of the priority list...and #3 i cannot stand for people to give me their word, and have no follow-thru...your word, is your bond.
"David"--Mr.Insecurity--#2, #4, #5, #6, #12, #14, #15
i could, and probably will, write a book about my many bad experiences with david, but for now, i'll just talk about his jealousy/insecurity/clingy-nature. david was a total control freak. i had to lose my entire self, to be with him. he was threatened by any form of communication i had with anyone outside of him...so i couldn't text or talk on the phone when i was around him. my internet use was also extremely limited during the span of time that we were together. i lost [touch with] many of my friends, near and far, because i wasn't allowed to hang out with them, or even communicate with them, without it being a problem, or causing some sort of outrageous argument. there were so many different instances, that instead of pinpointing one, i'll just do bulletpoints:
- on one rare occasion that he actually 'let' me have a night out with the girls, he was nice enough to lend me his truck, because we were going for an out of town show, and my car is pretty small. anyways, after the show, i called him to check in, and as he answered, he overheard one of my friends saying something about a guy...he took it out of context, hung up on me and commenced to texting me that i had better get his vehicle back in town NOW, or else.
- another time, he and i were out of town..i got a text message from a friend and started laughing at it...he asked what it said, i told him it was sort of an inside joke, and he wouldn't think it was funny..he insisted that i tell him anyway, and i did. in the text, my friend was asking what i was doing, i told her i was out of town and she said "oh, 'cause we're havin' a crackhead party and i was gonna invite you LOL" ...that's what it said, it was clearly a JOKE. for whatever reason, he became livid...we're walking to have dinner, and get into a full-on argument about this stupid little text, in the middle of the street...with people watching. so embarrassing. i'm totally out of the mood to even be there any longer, he says "look, do you want to go to dinner, or not?"...i tell him no, he tells me to give him his wallet out of my purse, which i do. he then says "well, i'm going to dinner, i don't care what the f*** you do"...and walks off and leaves me stranded in the middle of downtown (and remember we were OUT of town)...with no key to even get back into the hotel room.
- he had to see/spend time with me EVERY day, or else he would think that i was out with someone else, which i would have been too afraid to do, even if i were the type of person that would two-time someone, which i'm not.
- one of the worst things was when i went to visit family out of town...he knows that my cousin, Maurice (otherwise known as 'Reese'), and i are reeeeally reaaaally close...aside from my mom, he's one of my favorite people in the world, he's like my little brother.
anyways, so, here i am, trying to enjoy my vacation with family, and he's calling me asking stupid questions...like this one: "so...where is everyone sleeping?" ...to which i reply "um, at my uncle's house, i told you where we were going to be staying" ..."yeah, but i mean, like, where is everyone going to sleep, there are a lot of you there, right?...are you and Reese going to have to share a bed?" ....really? seriously? yes, he asked that. and yes, the reason he asked that is because he was sick enough to be threatened by even THAT. quite ridiculous.
as it turns out...anyone who is that insecure, jealous, and obsessed, has a reason for it. all of the things he was terrified of me doing (and worse), he was doing himself. go figure, right?
i reeeeally know how to pick 'em, right? i know, i know. but, like i said in the previous blog, i actually appreciate these people/experiences.
"pain, is such a funny thing...'cause when it hurts, it hurts, but when it leaves, it goes. so much better, to hurt a little bit now, than to be so far gone, and hurt a whole lot..tomorrow."~ Calvin Richardson 'Looks Like You've Been Crying'
because of them (and others), i'm far more alert, aware, and AWAKE. as soon as i recognize something in someone that resembles any part of the negative sides of past guys i've dated, i bring it to a screeching halt...there's no more of that hoping "it'll get greater, later"...i don't want to waste their time, and i certainly don't want to waste any more of mine.
"...because of you, i never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of you, i've learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt..." ~Kelly Clarkson 'Because of You'
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Oh my...talk about some disasters.
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