reflections of music. love. life & laughter.

I'm Moving

2011-07-07T22:56:00.001-05:00

Here. <----

Even the Chapel Has Stained Glass

2011-06-02T19:00:00.002-05:00

I never really thought I would get a tattoo, much less, seventeen of them.

Yeah, seventeen.

Quite contrarily, I was always one of those people who, when it came to tattoos, immediately thought of the scripture in 1 Corinthians that reminds us that our body is a Holy temple.

And well, while I can’t actually say that I stopped thinking of that scripture, I will say that my interpretation of it shifted a bit…because, even the chapel has stained glass, right? That’s probably a bad reference, but, that’s where my mind went with it. And thus, began my dabbling in the vast world of tattoos, at the ripe age of 18 years old.

Yeah, eighteen.

At that age, I wasn’t making the best decisions, and definitely wasn’t mature enough to be making decisions involving something as permanent as a tattoo. So...needless to say, at the start, I wasn’t getting tattoos that meant something to me, I was more into word play and being, what I thought was at the time, clever.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, be prepared for information overload, 'cause you’ll be getting a little of both.

#1-Wasscawy Wabbit
Where: Chest

I can remember sitting at my desk one summer while ‘working’ for my grandparents in Oklahoma, and deciding that I wanted a tattoo. My grandfather, a pastor, would not have been a very happy camper with my going through with such a thing on his watch, so I decided I’d wait until I returned home to Alabama to bring this new desire to fruition. At some point during that summer, sitting behind my desk doing not much of anything, I thought of how ‘clever’ it would be for me to have the Playboy bunny tattooed on my chest, but instead of the word “Playboy”, I’d get “Playful”. I know you’re shaking your head right now…and I know this, because I’m shaking mine. What a stupid idea. Surely, I didn’t go through with that one. Surely, at eighteen, in my awkward, tomboyish state of being, I would not go through with the idea of getting the international icon for “sexy” tattooed on my caramel kissed skin, right? RIGHT?! Dot…dot…dot…WRONG. When I returned to Alabama, that’s exactly what I did, and I did so with absolute confidence, there wasn’t a person in the world at that moment who could have swayed me from making a complete asshole out of myself. And so, I did.

I’d like to say that I got a little smarter, but, I was eighteen, afterall—you don’t really expect an eighteen year old to be that smart…but I guess you don’t expect an eighteen year old to be that dumb either.

My next tattoo was another feeble attempt to demonstrate my innate ability to be witty. Except, I wasn’t. At all.

It’s true what they say, once you get ONE tattoo, your mind is instantaneously flooded with endless possibilities of tattoos that you SHOULD HAVE gotten, or, COULD get...and that, is how you become addicted. It wasn’t much longer after my first ink faux pas, that I went through with the next.

#2-Hotstuff

Where: Lower/Right Side of Back
At the time, there was a phrase, possibly only used in the urban community (which, by way of attending an HBCU, I was, for the first time in my life, becoming acquainted with), and it was: THAT FIRE. In laymen’s terms, one would use the phrase ‘That Fire’ to refer to something that was “awesome”, “the bees knees”, “overwhelming”, “remarkable”, “breathtaking”…and well, you get the point. So, again, I thought…how clever would it be if I got the Chinese symbol for ‘fire’ and had the words “Dat Fiya” tattooed beneath it”…WHERE WAS MY GUIDANCE?! It probably would have helped had I actually SOUGHT guidance before going through with such nonsense. ...and its location on the lower right side of my back, makes it especially classy.

Thankfully, after tattoo #2, I started to realize that my tattoos should mean something to me, as, they would in fact be a permanent extension of me...so, it gets better going forward.

#3-Ahnk You, Ahnk You Very Much Where: Base/Backside of Neck
The Ahnk is the Egyptian symbol for life (aka 'Key of Life', crux ansata). It looks a lot like a cross, but with a loop at the top. The stem represents male, the loop represents female, and the two side posts represent offspring. I chose this one for a pretty simplistic reason, because I believe life, and the cycle of it, is precious, every bit of it...

#4-Pleasure Principle Where: Abdomen/Below Belly Button
A slight departure from the meaningful. I mean, it does mean something, but I sort of ventured back to witticism (or maybe irony?) with tattoo #4 and its placement. It's the Chinese symbol for the word "Pleasure". Hey, it is, what it is.

#5-The Lotus Flower Where:Pelvic Area
The fact that it's a flower and placed so closely to my...well, there's an obvious correlation there, but nevermind placement, it's all about what a lotus represents. Zhou Dunyi said it best when he said "I love the lotus because while growing from mud, it is unstained." In case you're unfamiliar, a lotus' roots are planted in the bottom of a pond/river and its leaves float on the water's surface, and its flowers blossom above it. Symbolically, it actually reminds me a lot of a poem by rapper, Tupac Shakur:

I sort of feel that despite circumstances, situtations, and surroundings ...I maintain. So the lotus was an appropriate choice. Aside from that, in many cultures, the lotus represents several other things, feel free to familiarize yourself a bit if you like.

#6-At the Cross
Where: Back of Left Shoulder
This one is simply to remind me that Christ bore the weight of the world on his shoulders...his death, gave us life, and that's something that should never be forgotten. There is a banner draping the cross that says "Live" ...as in, live life.

#7-Butterfly in the Sky
Where: Right Hip
Most people have a hard time even determining what this one is, so, I'll just tell you (that's what I'm here to do, afterall). It's a butterfly with the wings folded back behind it. Now that I've cleared that up...have you ever seen a butterfly trapped inside a jar? It's just not natural...I mean, butterflies are beautiful little creatures (after they get past that creepy, crawly stage anyway) that are supposed to fly free. I don't fit inside glass jars, boxes, or cages...so this one symbolizes freedom of self and I decided to add a trailblaze marking the path.

#8-Poca Flaunt This Where: Top/Right Foot
This tattoo symbolizes part of my heritage. I know, I know, eeeeverybody's Native American (and isn't it funny that the tribe is almost always 'Cherokee')...but I really AM. I was born in the foothills of the Ozark Mountains in northeast Oklahoma...aka, Tulsa. Anyhow, my granny Pearl was 100% full-blooded Creek (aka Muskogee) Indian. I got these feathers on my foot in rememberance of her, and as a representation of my heritage.

#9 & #10-'Music to My Ears'

Where: 1 Behind each Ear

...the phrase says it all.

#11-Nevermind Redbull, Music is What Gives Me Wings
Where: Left/Hip
I designed this one myself, a heart with angel's wings, with a G-clef symbol at its core. It basically represents my love for music.

#12-Family Ties Where: Inner/Right Wrist
Family is very important to me. I'm closer to some, than others, but all of them have played some role, no matter how small, in me becoming the person that I am today. One family member that I'm closest with, aside from my mother, is my younger cousin, Maurice. He's actually more like a little brother to me, that kid is my heart. We decided we would get a tattoo that both symbolizes our bond, and our love of family. I chose the word 'Family' (the F is the one popularized by the 'Famous Stars & Straps' logo) accented with 2 back-to-back R's--one for Robyn, and one for 'Reese', which is what I call him for short. I got mine first, on the inner side of my wrist and some time after, he got his on his forearm.

#13 & 14-Oh.My.Stars
Where: Left/Right Abdomen
I always wanted nautical stars, but when I finally decided to get them, it dawned on me that in the tattoo world, they were a tad overdone. And so, I decided to be slightly different, mine are tribal stars. Each of the 5 points represents something different: one love, one life, one destiny, one heart, one soul.

#15-Artist's Monogram Where: Inner/Left Wrist

You know how an artist signs their artwork? I decided that I am my mother's work of art, so, I had her permanently sign me, accented with my birth year and the copyright symbol.

#16-Heartstrings Where: Chest/Shoulder
I was most excited about this tattoo. You know why? No? Well, I wrote about it once, some of my best work...complete w/video, take a pause and read about it HERE

#17-Why the Long Face? Where: Left Arm
After my first trip to City of Ink, I knew it was the only place I ever wanted to get ink from again. One trip to the shop, and I knew that each and every artist there was just as talented as Miya. The second go-round at City of Ink, my tattoo artist was Sophie C'est La Vie.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted...sort of. There's a quote by author/poet, Maya Angelou, that I fell in love with years ago, "music was my refuge, I could crawl in the space between the notes and curl my back to the loneliness"...I love the quote because it sort of embodies how I feel about music...no matter what kind of mood I'm in, it just always has a way of speaking to, understanding, and consoling me (click HERE for the 'napkin review'). Anyway, I walked in with that quote and I said to Sophie, "I want this quote, but I don't want words." She understood, and left me for about 20 or so minutes, when she returned she had her visual interpretation of the quote, which I happened to love.

...and, well, there you have it.

everything + the kitchen sink volume 1.0

2010-04-17T01:40:00.000-05:00

...just a bunch of random stuff about yours truly, that you prolly didn't know...

when it comes to sleeping arrangements...i prefer to sleep on my couch, as opposed to my bed. on the occasion that i do actually sleep in the bed, i usually lay sideways (across the bed, instead of the long ways)...in the fetal position, roly-poly style!

i've been electrocuted--twice. the first time, it involved a screwdriver & an electrical socket. the second time, a butterknife & the heating elements on the inside of a toaster. smh.

when i was little, i had a pet rabbit named samantha. that is, until mom & i went out of town on WINTER vacation (at the time, we were living in Maryland)...and mom insisted that sam would be perfectly fine OUTSIDE, in her cage. needless to say, mom was wrong. dead wrong.

my childhood afflictions included: asthma (having my furry friend, samantha, didn't help...which is why i was convinced that her death was totally premeditated), chronic nosebleeds, and the worse acne you ever did see!

i've only ever been to two weddings in my lifetime. i was a bridesmaid in both.

i hate riding with my windows all the way up, even when it's raining. also, i never use the A/C in my car).

i don't like eating crunchy vegetables...like peppers and onions. i just can't really tolerate the crunch they make in my mouth.

i once had a secret pet crawfish (or is it crawdad?) named leroy...i caught him in a filthy, filthy pond in california. i like to think i rescued him...i guess he was so overcome with joy and appreciation, that his little crawfish heart couldn't take it, 'cause he died a few days after his deliverance. it was either the joy, or the plastic cup i hid him in [i n m y r o o m] wasn't an adequate enough living space for him. poor leroy.

i once kept a bowl of cereal in my room for so long that it turned to white 'jello'. i'm pretty sure i did it on purpose.

a few years ago, i was out by myself at a bar, and someone drugged me (slipped something in my drink(s). luckily, the employees at the particular bar i was at, are friends, and when they noticed my lethargy (knowing i'd only had a few drinks), immediately called the paramedics. according to the drug test i was given, i tested positive for everything except for marijuana. SCARY.

by the time i turned 18, i'd lived in 2 countries, 8 states, went to 7 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 3 high schools....all thanks to my dear ol' uncle sam.

i have weighed w/in 10lbs of the same weight, for the past 12 years (at least) ...coincidentally, no other part of me has grown since then either. o_O

at the age of 28 (29, in 25 days), i still watch cartoons. i should mention that i have no kids, nor nieces or nephews...or any contact with kids in general. hey, don't judge me.

one year in high school, i was nominated for prom queen. i was sure someone was trying to set me up like carrie. i didn't go.

i ate sushi for the first time, this year. it was on my bucketlist . . .and God knows, i thought for sure i was gonna kick the bucket when i put that raw tuna & salmon in my mouth... you can watch the video below, to see for yourself...just click play!

ok...that's all for now folks, stay tuned for volume 2!!!

update 4.4.2010

2010-04-05T19:23:00.004-05:00

okay, so, i haven't been blogging like i should. i apologize to the few of you who actually read this. i'ma do better, forgive me, k?

welp, now that we have the preliminaries out of the way, i figure the best place to get started, is where i left off.

1. ~~try sushi~~-done. it wasn't pretty, but, i got it done.

2. make better/wiser decisions.

well, i guess this remains to be seen, but, i feel i'm doing a much better job in 2010, thus far, than ever before. this is an on-going goal, so, i'll keep you all posted.

3. be more open to communication.

this one is pretty easy, because people rarely call me anymore. it would be easier to determine how well i'm doing at this one, if my phone were blowing up...but it doesn't anymore, not even with texts. makes me feel sort of unimportant, just kidding. kind of.

4. resume guitar lessons.

not yet...my funds won't let me be great. so this one, is on hold.

5. write/blog more.

i was doing well at this one for a while...the writing part moreso than the blogging, but alas, i've fallen off on both fronts now. i've got to do better with this, and i will. it would help if you guys n gals would offer up some support, or even suggestions as to what i should blog about. thanks in advance.

6. get a great job!

um, working on it...like, you have no idea.

7. save money.

um, see #4.

8. go to miami 5/13/2010.

not likely. like i said, my funds won't let me be great. however, it is on the agenda for 5/13/2011. you just wait 'n see.

9. return to isle of palms, sc for hotel carolina 2010.

despite my funds not letting me great, this WILL happen. the beachhouse i will be sharing with my 2009 hotel carolina cohorts, is reserved. now, it's just a matter of counting down the 144 days.

10. dress up more (age appropriate).

okay, i think i've decided that there is what is me, and, what is not. i'm comfortable being who i am. i have decided to dress for occasion, and not to fit some sort of mold.

11. get clavicle/collarbone implant.

um, this one is back on the list, since i accidentally ripped it out, twice.

12. get another tattoo by miya bailey.

this is still on the list. i want desperately to get a half sleeve. and i will. give me time.

13. go skydiving.

i still want to do this. maybe by the summer's end.

14. take an art[istic] class.

again, see #4.

15. pay at off least one high $ bill.

2010 ain't over yet.

16. print photos/start albums.

gonna do this, haven't yet, but i definitely will. i take photos like crazy, so it's one of my serious goals.

17. cook more.

i could do this more. i haven't lately, but i would/will.

18. move to and/or prepare to move to nashville.

um, this is on hold, until #6 is in order.

19. ~~read and complete at least one book.~~

i finished wally lamb's 'i'll fly away' ...and am almost done with tananarive due's 'black rose' (which is an extremely inspiring piece of work). up next, chelsea handler's books, starting with 'my horizontal life: a collection of one-night stands'.

20. send mom flower 'just because'.

not yet, but i will, and that's a promise.

21. write/send at least 3 letters.

i've made pretty good on this one. i wrote/sent my twin a 75pg letter. i also wrote my grandma a letter. that leaves just one more...i heard lil wayne wants his fans to write, that may be #3.

22. stand firm in what i believe to be right.

always.

23. start buying lotto tickets (weekly).

well, i've bought some lotto tickets, maybe not weekly, but i've bought some. clearly, i didn't win.

24. go on another cruise.

cruise #3 awaits me. not so sure if that'll happen this year.

25. reunite with sarah.

that's on schedule, like i said, 144 days!

26. professional mani/pedi once a month.

um, i've given myself mani/pedis...not so much professional, but, at least it's being done...and even more than once a month.

27. ~~buy more underwear.~~

i did!!

28. never order the same thing twice.

i've actually been doing a pretty good job of this, but, i've decided to amend this one. if it's a place i haven't been to in a long time, i think it's okay to get my favorite dish.

29. discover new authors.

i've decided to amend this one too. i have a zillion books i've bought, and haven't read, i need to get through those before i discover new authors...well, right after i read chelsea's books.

30. start attending church regularly.

fail. fail. fail. i need to start. i know.

31. start reading the newspaper, daily.

well, i have definitely been doing a great job of this, maybe not every single day, but at least 75%. learning so much.

k...well, that's all for now. i hope to post a real entry sometime later this week. but for now, i just wanted to make good on my promise to zizzymane, to post something this weekend (even though it's monday, it's still technically my weekend. thanks for keepin' me in line, zizz (by the way, if you're not following him on twitter, start!).

later gators.

gettin' it in...in two thousand ten

2010-01-27T22:27:00.016-06:00

some people make resolutions...i make lists...things that i want to get accomplished, hopefully, by the year's end, but--i don't put any major pressure on myself. it's nice to make a list, and at the end of the year, see how much i've accomplished. i can look back and say specifically, "i got this, this, and this done THIS year..." some things are one time deals and can be crossed out once completed, and some, well, some are 'to be continued'...things that i will work on and towards, for as long as i solo shall live.

i encourage those reading this to do the same, you'd be surprised at your results...

in 2010 in no particular order, i plan to...

try sushi-this has been on my list for a while...it WILL get done...and soon

2. make better, wiser decisions-this is one of those lifelong goals...i'm definitely going to do a better job of this, this year, than i did last year

3. be more open to communication-i mean this in more than just one way...many of you know i hate talking on the phone, and will very often not answer my phone, for that very reason. i apologize...it's something i've been trying to work on, and continue to do so. i am also referring to the more generally specific meaning (did i just say that?can i say that ? )...for instance, i want to be more blunt (but decent). if i'm not interested in someone, i want to just tell them that i'm not interested, and why. people deserve the explanation, they don't deserve excuses, and coming from someone who has been given plenty of excuses, and not nearly enough explanations, i, of all people should be the first one to offer up the latter.

4. resume guitar lessons-i stopped right before i quit my job. as soon as i'm able, i will start up again...in fact, i've already got the name and # of my next instructor. i can't very well expect to be a rock star, without getting great at my craft, right? :)

5. write/blog more!-i think i've been doing a pretty good job of this. i've been writing songs, jotting things down in my notebook/notepad, and blogging. call me charmin extra soft, 'cause i'm on a roll. i also plan to write at least one piece and submit it some place....rollingstone, where you at?!

6. get a great job!-i loved the work i did before, just not the job/atmosphere. i hope to find another job that will be a challenge and where both the company, and myself, will benefit from my employment. i can't wait...i've got nothing but high hopes and big faith. can't go wrong with that.

7. save money-okay, i have to admit, i have never been one to save money.to be honest, i never saw the immediate need for it. until, i quit my job...and whoa, reality hit like a ton of bricks. starting with my next paycheck, if nothing else, i will set a minimum $5 aside per pay period...and if/when i'm able to set more aside, i will. rainy days, they come a dime a dozen, and everyone needs an umbrella.

8. go to miami 5/13/10-a few years ago, i started a tradition for myself to go to miami every year for my birthday (a borrowed tradition from my 'twin') ...i skipped last year and went to virginia beach, but i'm ready to get back on track. miami, here i come. (see why it's so hard to save money? lol)

9. return to isle of palms, sc for hotel carolina 2010-i cannot tell you how much i enjoyed myself last year...a music lover's dream...right on the beach. i met great folks, hung with some of my favorite musicians and can't wait for the reunion.

10. dress up more(age appropriate)-i'm 28, but i look like i'm 15 (i get asked often what high school i attend). i think aside from actually looking young, it probably doesn't help that i don't dress like a 28 year old...you're most likely to find me rockin' my favorite pair of AE Boyfriend Jeans, a tank top or a v-neck, and some flip flops (or rocketdogs)..and a hoodie instead of a coat/jacket. i wanna keep my style but i think i may be able to work out a way to incorporate age-appropriate stuff. meh. we'll see.

~~11. get my collarbone/clavicle implant~~-done deal, got this january 26, 2010. i plan to go back and get the other side done in the next few weeks

12. get another tattoo by miya bailey-one down, many more, to go. soon miya, i need a partial sleeve in my life.

13. go skydiving-i attempted this a couple years ago, unfortunately, our appointment was during the same weekend as the talladega races, and apparently, skydivers and chopper blades don't mesh well...i had a year to reschedule, but never got around to going back. this is the year...i'll see how friendly those skies really are.

14. take an art[istic] class-i'm thinking pottery, or piano...but leaning towards pottery, especially if i'm going to be taking guitar lessons....or maybe even a dance class...salsa perhaps? or hip hop...so i can pop. lock. and drop it.

15. pay off at least one high $ bill

16. print photos and start albums-with internet sites like facebook, myspace, flickr, photobucket, etc. ...people don't actually PRINT pictures anymore, they're all digital. what i'm planning to do is to save all of my online pix to my memory card, go to kinkos, and print them out and start an album. i plan to have a friends/family/good times album and a recipe photo album. i've been cooking a lot lately and trying out new recipes and i always post them on facebook, so i think i will either manually write or type and print the recipes and then also print the corresponding picture...neat idea i think...plus it's a nice idea for the coffee table.

17. ~~cook more~~--done...see for yourself--->click here<---. and i shall continue.

18. move to and/or prepare to move to nashville-it is the 'music city' and i am in love with music...why am i not already living there?? this is one of those things that i definitely want to at least be close to completing by the year's end. i'm determined. nashville, are you ready for me?

19. read and complete at least one book-i'm notorious for starting a book, and not finishing it. i'm currently in the process of reading 'I'll Fly Away' by Wally Lamb...the follow up to 'Couldn't Keep It To Myself', which i read several years ago. time for me to knock this second one out.

20. send mom flowers 'just because'-for no other reason than that i love her enough to recognize her greatness on any day, not just special occassions.

21. write/send at least 3 letters-no one sends letters anymore...technology, as much as i love it, has taken away some of our 'personal' favorites. i'm gonna make somebody's day. 3 somebody's.

22. stand firm in what i believe to be right-no. matter. what.

23. start buying lotto tickets (weekly)-gotta be in it to win it folks, gotta be in it, to win it.

24. go on another cruise-i've been on two...one was 4 days(cozumel & key west), the other was 7 (san juan, puerto rico, st.thomas us virgin islands, and st.maarten). both were all-expense paid...i don't think i'll get that lucky again, but i'd still like to go on another. this might carry over to 2011, because i either want to go on the ROCKBOAT (and that one has already set sail and returned for this year) or the MAYERCRAFT CARRIER (if there is another one).

25. reunite w/sarah-sarah and i were best friends back when we were 13 and living in hawaii. we haven't seen each other since we were 14. we're long over due. we will have our reunion this year. you can bet on it.

26. professional mani/pedi at least once a month-i want 'em in my life. i need em in my life. come put 'em in my life. i'ma keep 'em in my life.

27. buy more underwear-i have plenty, but this is something you never can have too many of. word up, hey.

28. never order the same thing twice-no matter what restaurant i go to...and no matter what my favorite dish is at whatever restaurant i go to, i will not order what i always order. i will think outside of the box. i will try new things. my tastebuds can't wait.

29. discover new authors-i used to do something similar when i would go to best buy. i'd go to some random section (the F's for instance) and pick out some random musician i've never heard of before, and buy their album to give it a listen...this is what i want to do at the library. after i read the book i'm currently reading, i'm planning to go to the library, and starting in the A's, select some random [last name starts w/an 'A'] author, and read a book of theirs...and work my way all the way up to the Z's.

30. start attending church regularly-i did go this past sunday evening. that's a start. amen.

31. ~~start reading the newspaper daily, from cover to cover~~-i've been doing pretty well at this since the beginning of the year, i go purchase a paper daily, and read it in its entirety [save for the sports section].

...and well, that's where my list is at so far...i'll keep you posted as i add new items...and cross items off.

hope you've enjoyed.

chime in.

"...i know what i want, and i'm gonna get it, baby, believe me, it's just a matter of time..."~michael warren 'i know what i want'

thank you, mr.so 'n so

2010-01-22T12:15:00.020-06:00

since i'm on the subject, of what i do and don't want, i thought i'd give examples [some, entertaining] of what has helped me to determine what i do and don't want to deal with in the future.

use the #'s from the previous posting as a guide to what particular dislike i'm referring to...i won't give examples of ALL of them, but, a few should suffice.

...in absolutely no particular order...

(oh, and the names of the not-so-innocent will be protected...sort of)

"Joe"--What Mr.Platt Was Talking About--#13

random guy (with his pants on the ground) that stopped to talk to me as i was walking into the mall one day

him: ayeee shawty...yo name must be burger king, 'cause i'm tryna have it your way"

me: um..., no, my name is Jessica. (i said Jessica, because there's no real reason that this guy needed my real name.)

him: oh, well my name Joe, but they call me 'Goldie' (and as he says this, he smiles a big wide smile to showcase his golden grill & in addition, points at it...as if i'd somehow managed to miss it)

yes, i am a fan of originality & creativity...however, i will opt to just say no to cheesy pick up lines, gold grills, pants on the ground, and other nonsensical thuggery.

"Mark"--The Lush/The Non-Believer--#1, #5

on our first date, during the course of conversation, Mark asked me if i could go anywhere, where would i want to go. since i am very much into anything aquatic related, and at the time, hadn't yet been to the world's largest aquarium, i told him about my plans to at some point check out the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta, GA. well, when my birthday rolled around, mark told me to make sure i didn't make any plans, because he was going to take me some place special. turns out, that 'some place special' was a surprise overnight trip to atlanta, to make my dream come true. i was thrilled. we checked into our hotel around 8pm and then went roaming around downtown in search of a liquor store. we found what must have been the best one, because inside, was a black superman...no, seriously, i have proof.

anyways, after taking full advantage of what was possibly the best photo opportunity of our lifetimes, we proceeded to the register with a 6pk of budlight, and a 12pk of whatever his drink of choice was that night. back at the hotel, we cracked open our beers, and proceeded to get dressed so that we could meet up and hang out with my brother. we met up with him and his friend at a sports bar for dinner and more drinks(he had 4 beers)...left them and went and had a really nice time at the sundial restaurant bar ...where, we ordered a bottle of wine(x2)...and more beer(only one pictured here, but this was juuust the beginning--he had about 6 more).

when we finally got back to the hotel, mark polished off the rest of his 12pk and we crashed out and went to sleep. the next morning, we got up and mark asked if i had any of my beers left, i had two left from the previous night. he grabbed one (warm) and got in the shower with it...got out, then had the other one, before we trotted off to the aquarium and then hit the highway back home. when we got back into town around 4pm, we stopped by his parents' to pick up his dog...where he had a corona, before we headed to his house. on the way, we stopped by the video store for a movie and the gas station....for two 6pks of Mickey's (for him, not me). we made one more stop, for food, and then finally, home. about an hour or two later (no more than two), he'd downed both of his 6pks, when one of his friends called and said they were on their way, he told them to pick him up another 6pk.

ok, let me put that whole story into perspective for you.

12 beers from the liquor store

4 beers at the sports bar

2 bottles of wine at the sundial

6 beers at the sundial

2 warm beers the next morning

1 corona at his parents'

12 Mickeys that he bought

6 Mickeys that his friend brought over

all in all he consumed 43 beers, and the majority of 2 bottles of wine...all in less than 24hours. that's when i realized he had a real problem. i should have realized it before then...getting drunk on a daily basis is usually a pretty good indication...but you know what they say, love is blind.

yes, i am all about knocking a few back, and having a good time. but there's a difference between having a drink, and NEEDING a drink. i'm just sayin'. oh, and he's an atheist...dunno how i EVER thought that was gonna work. i mean, really.

"Bradley"--The Miser--#7

so, i was hanging out with this guy one night and we were in the middle of watching a movie...I, Robot, i believe...when he asked if i was hungry, and if i wanted to make a food run. i was, so i agreed, and we hopped in my car, and off we went. we decided on checkers (something quick so we could get back to our movie). if you've ever been to checkers (or rally's), you know that the drive-thru is set up sort of interestingly. there are two sides--if you pull up on the left side, the speaker is on the driver's side. if you pull up on the right side, the speaker is on the opposite side, and the passenger does the ordering.

in our case, the left-side was car-free, so that's the side i pulled into, and ordered from. after i'd told the person at the other end, what we both wanted, and she gave us the total, brad turned and said to me "how come you didn't put it on separate checks?" ...and yes, he was serious. oh, and did i mention that together, the total ticket was under $10.00? truthfully, i wasn't even expecting him to pay for my portion, i was going to give him my half without him asking...but his statement really kind of blew me away.

i don't even think i need a finishing thought for this one, it sort of speaks for itself i think.

"Jason"--Mr.Unreliable--#14

boy, oh, boy. i'll try to keep this one as short and as sweet as possible. okay...jason and i dated back in my younger years, circa 2000, and we were together for a little under a year. because i come from a largely military background, my family is spread out all over the U.S. and some, out of country. with that said, holidays were generally spent out of town at whoever's home had been selected that year, and for that holiday. so, Christmas rolled around, and my parents were making travel arrangements...except, i wasn't going that year. no, jason had invited me to spend time at HIS family's home in birmingham, al. this was big for me, this was huge...this was the first time that i'd been in a serious relationship really, and the first time that i'd had a guy not only wanting me to meet his parents, but to spend a major holiday with them! i was elated, i cannot stress that enough. because it was Christmas break, he was already IN birmingham, and was having to drive back to huntsville (about 1.5hr distance) to get me. he'd called me and told me to pack my bag for the weekend, and to be ready when he got there so we could turn around and get back on the road to his parents'....i'd probably already had that bag packed for a week (i told you, i was excited). my parents flew out that morning, and so, i sat around trying to entertain myself and keep from going crazy from anxiety, while waiting for him to arrive. well, long story short, he never showed up. he never even called. i spent that Christmas entirely alone. i was devastated, i was crushed...i was utterly..well, confused. i didn't know what to think...had something happened to him? had he changed his mind? i had no idea. the more time that passed by, the more my worry turned to anger (i don't remember, but i'm pretty sure that i probably tried calling him). after Christmas break was over and school was back in session, i was on campus and happened to have run into him, it went like this:

::he frantically flags me down, right in the middle of me frantically trying to ignore him::

him: heeeeey

me: um, hey

him: oh yeah, i got you a Christmas gift

Chris Crocker sums it up perfectly for me:

i don't remember exactly how it went after that, but i do know that i confronted him about being a jerk and standing me up on Christmas...his excuse was even worse than the act itself. he told me he was on his way, but he got pulled over and given a citation for playing his music too loudly (never heard of that happening on the highway...i'm just sayin')...so he turned around and went back home.

DUBBYA TEE EFF. i probably should have known what i was in for, when on valentine's day, he didn't call me until almost midnight and when he did, said "yeah...i got your gift if you want it"...and when i asked him why i was just hearing from him, he said "oh, i've been waiting all day to get a haircut." [insert my blank stare, here]

he was wrong on SO many levels...#1 anyone dating me, doesn't need to lie...i'm pretty easy going, but, if you're going to lie please do not insult my intelligence with b.s. excuses that make absolutely NO sense. #2 i don't have to be your #1 priority, but if i'm giving you my time (which, believe me when i say, is RARE for me), then i expect to be somewhere near the top of the priority list...and #3 i cannot stand for people to give me their word, and have no follow-thru...your word, is your bond.

"David"--Mr.Insecurity--#2, #4, #5, #6, #12, #14, #15

i could, and probably will, write a book about my many bad experiences with david, but for now, i'll just talk about his jealousy/insecurity/clingy-nature. david was a total control freak. i had to lose my entire self, to be with him. he was threatened by any form of communication i had with anyone outside of him...so i couldn't text or talk on the phone when i was around him. my internet use was also extremely limited during the span of time that we were together. i lost [touch with] many of my friends, near and far, because i wasn't allowed to hang out with them, or even communicate with them, without it being a problem, or causing some sort of outrageous argument. there were so many different instances, that instead of pinpointing one, i'll just do bulletpoints:

on one rare occasion that he actually 'let' me have a night out with the girls, he was nice enough to lend me his truck, because we were going for an out of town show, and my car is pretty small. anyways, after the show, i called him to check in, and as he answered, he overheard one of my friends saying something about a guy...he took it out of context, hung up on me and commenced to texting me that i had better get his vehicle back in town NOW, or else.
another time, he and i were out of town..i got a text message from a friend and started laughing at it...he asked what it said, i told him it was sort of an inside joke, and he wouldn't think it was funny..he insisted that i tell him anyway, and i did. in the text, my friend was asking what i was doing, i told her i was out of town and she said "oh, 'cause we're havin' a crackhead party and i was gonna invite you LOL" ...that's what it said, it was clearly a JOKE. for whatever reason, he became livid...we're walking to have dinner, and get into a full-on argument about this stupid little text, in the middle of the street...with people watching. so embarrassing. i'm totally out of the mood to even be there any longer, he says "look, do you want to go to dinner, or not?"...i tell him no, he tells me to give him his wallet out of my purse, which i do. he then says "well, i'm going to dinner, i don't care what the f*** you do"...and walks off and leaves me stranded in the middle of downtown (and remember we were OUT of town)...with no key to even get back into the hotel room.
he had to see/spend time with me EVERY day, or else he would think that i was out with someone else, which i would have been too afraid to do, even if i were the type of person that would two-time someone, which i'm not.
one of the worst things was when i went to visit family out of town...he knows that my cousin, Maurice (otherwise known as 'Reese'), and i are reeeeally reaaaally close...aside from my mom, he's one of my favorite people in the world, he's like my little brother.

anyways, so, here i am, trying to enjoy my vacation with family, and he's calling me asking stupid questions...like this one: "so...where is everyone sleeping?" ...to which i reply "um, at my uncle's house, i told you where we were going to be staying" ..."yeah, but i mean, like, where is everyone going to sleep, there are a lot of you there, right?...are you and Reese going to have to share a bed?" ....really? seriously? yes, he asked that. and yes, the reason he asked that is because he was sick enough to be threatened by even THAT. quite ridiculous.

as it turns out...anyone who is that insecure, jealous, and obsessed, has a reason for it. all of the things he was terrified of me doing (and worse), he was doing himself. go figure, right?

i reeeeally know how to pick 'em, right? i know, i know. but, like i said in the previous blog, i actually appreciate these people/experiences.

"pain, is such a funny thing...'cause when it hurts, it hurts, but when it leaves, it goes. so much better, to hurt a little bit now, than to be so far gone, and hurt a whole lot..tomorrow."~ Calvin Richardson 'Looks Like You've Been Crying'

because of them (and others), i'm far more alert, aware, and AWAKE. as soon as i recognize something in someone that resembles any part of the negative sides of past guys i've dated, i bring it to a screeching halt...there's no more of that hoping "it'll get greater, later"...i don't want to waste their time, and i certainly don't want to waste any more of mine.

"...because of you, i never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of you, i've learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt..." ~Kelly Clarkson 'Because of You'

Chime in.

ya do, or ya don't, or ya will, or wontcha...

2010-01-20T22:26:00.017-06:00

...so, over the past year....or five, i've been doing a lot of soul searching (sometimes inadvertently)...figuring out who i am...what i want. the whole sha-bang. and i must say, i'm pretty close. there are things i have dealt with, things i've endured...struggles, hurdles, and obstacles, that i've overcome...which have all brought me to a pinnacle of discovery. self-discovery. i realize that i would not be the person i am today, were it not for each and every experience i've had and or person i've met. so i appreciate all things and people in that manner. the purpose of this particular entry is...well, i was doing some thinking earlier...i'm single, but i don't consider that a state of emergency as some women (especially women my age and beyond) might consider it to be. i'm to a point where, in many regards, i've mastered the art of patience...and so, i am okay with waiting. but while waiting, i don't think there's anything wrong with taking into account, the things i do, and do not want. and thus, the thought entered my mind, to make a collective list of some of the things that i desire most and find most important in a potential counterpart.

i am not looking for a guy and/or a relationship. but, if one were to find me, i'd like for him to possess at least 75% of the following:

1. he should believe in God and have some sort of relationship with Him.

2. he should be educated and/or knowledgeable (he doesn't need to have a degree, but he should be intelligent). i want to be able to have a conversation with him beyond football, what's going on in hollywood, and even beyond the love of my life, music.

3. he should be employed & preferrably doing better than i (not because i'm out for his money in any shape, form, or fashion--but because i would like to be with someone who has the potential of inspiring me, beyond me...and doing so by way of example). if he is not employed and/or not where he wants to be in life, he should be actively working to attain his goals.

4. he should have a positive outlook on life, and things in general. there is nothing more draining than being with someone who believes the whole world is against them & that everything is a loss, a fail, and/or a potential disaster (and i can say that, i was that person in the past). this is why #1 is so important, anyone with any kind of real faith doesn't have the time or capacity to entertain hopelessness and useless negativity.

5. he should not have any addictions: this includes alcohol, drugs, sex, or gambling (my ex was an alcoholic--and after the fact, i also found out about his cocaine use...so, been there, don't want to go down that tumultuous road again). to expound further on that, if he can't function on a daily basis without alcohol...then houston, we have a problem.

6. he should be respectful and mindful of his language, in my presence, and the presence of other women, children, and elders. don't get me wrong, i'm not a prude nor a holy roller, but at this point in life, there's just a certain respect that i not only expect, but, deserve.

7. he should not be cheap. i am the type of person who likes to enjoy life and all that it has to offer. i like to go new places, and see new things. i don't want my outings to be marred and/or hindered by the nagging of someone complaining about the cost of every little thing ALL the time-and/or-someone who can't join me on my outings because they're too cheap to do so.

8. because i am into the arts, i would like for him to have an artistic/creative side-be it in visual arts, music, writing, etc...i am big on expression through art/creativity, so i relate easily and am attracted to others (in general) who share that same passion.

9. speaking of passion...he should be passionate about SOMETHING...whether it's his work, his art, his hobby, etc.

10. he should be confident, but, humble. he should know what skills and positive character traits he possesses, without exuding an air of arrogance, after all, "a peacock struts, because he cannot fly."

11. he should have a sense of humor...because the inability to laugh, is the ability to bore..i made that one up. and yes, you can quote me. :)

12. he should be open-minded and fair. i'm a 'fair'ly open-minded person myself, and though it's said that opposites attract, i'm generally not attracted to stubborn, one-sided individuals with tunnel vision.

13. he should take pride in and be conscious of his appearance. he should have good hygiene, and he doesn't have to 'break casket sharp' every time he steps out, but he should be presentable...and let us not forget General Larry Platt's anthem:

14. he should be honest and reliable...as the saying goes, 'you don't have to lie, to kick it'...this rings especially true with me. i will not expect a lot from you (i.e. demanding a relationship, requiring daily communication, etc.). i will, however, hold you to your word...it is the one thing that you should give and simultaneously, keep. if you tell me you're going to call...then i expect you to call...if you can't be accountable for the minor...then you can't be accountable for the major (in my book anyway).

15. he should want to be with me, spend time with me...because he wants to, not because he needs to. i don't deal well with 'clingy'...it makes me run in the other direction. especially if it's too soon. i need to know that whom ever i'm with, can stand on his own, like i can stand on my own...but together, we're a united front.

...that's all for now...remember, i'm still in discovery mode. the list may change...i may add things...i may take things away...but, so far, what do you think? i do not require a super model. a genius. or a millionaire. i ask for the simple things...is it a fair list?...or am i just dreamin...

"...when they tell me, to keep on dreamin', that's just what i'm, i'm gonna, that's just what i'm gonna do..."

chime in.

They Built That City on Ink & Soul

2009-08-02T11:29:00.024-05:00

It’s not as if this was my first time at the rodeo, but it certainly was my best.

There aren’t many of you that are reading this that don‘t already know what I'm referring to, but for those of you that have been hibernating under a rock for the past several months and not reading my blog and/or facebook updates (shame on you by the way), I have been counting down for my appointment to get inked by celebrated Atlanta master tattoo/fine artist, Miya Bailey.

Featured in the April 2009 issue of Inked magazine that I picked up at Books-A-Million:

This tattoo has been a long time coming. It was actually my third attempt (the first two fails, my fault, for being unable to make the appointment--a word of advice: never make plans to get something done, when you’re with someone else, and not the one doing the driving). Third time’s a charm I guess…and speaking of 3's, I made my appointment and paid my deposit three months ago, at the time, August 1st was his first available appointment, and coincidentally, his last...as he is taking the whole month of August off for a much-needed vacation. So, yesterday was my day, and I could barely contain myself. See for yourself:

I have to admit, I was a little nervous before I walked into City of Ink (also known as C.O.I). Not about the tattoo, but, since I was by myself, I just wondered if I’d feel awkward. Those feelings went out the door, as I walked in. Looking around the shop, I just felt at home, like I’d been there a million times before.

I was greeted by Samba, the shop manager, who I’d spoken with a few times prior, in reference to my appointment (who is also another talented artist-he was gracious enough to show me his sketch book as I waited). Something I realized almost immediately, is that C.O.I is a business, and though its staff treats it as such, they’ve mastered the art of balance. I was impressed, to say the least.

With the initial paperwork out of the way, I sat and waited, like a child waiting to open that first gift on Christmas morning. I noticed a guy with a camera--setting it up, cleaning his lenses, etc. I wondered what he was doing there…and my interest was further piqued when another guy showed up with more equipment. A third party to this crew, a young woman, approached me and my question was soon answered. She handed me her card, sat down, shook my hand, and introduced herself as Quintessence (aka Quin), a producer for dapa Entertainment, LLC.

It turns out, they are there to capture some footage of Miya for a film called “I Am A Dream Chaser”, a documentary spotlighting talented individuals, in pursuit of their dreams. They were there to witness the fruit of his passion--his art, and since I happened to be his canvas for the day, I was asked to participate (interview, etc). Naturally, I obliged.

Miya arrived, and I knew it as soon as he walked through the door, rocking a fedora, his signature specs, a black tee, fatigue shorts, and an honest smile. Sure, I knew what he looked like from pics on myspace, his blog, and facebook…but even if I hadn’t, I’d have known. His presence was felt. He threw me a wave, walked over, sat down and shook my hand. “You excited?” …I guess it was pretty obvious, like I said before, I could barely contain myself. Next, he asked me what I had in mind for the tattoo. I knew this was coming…

The first time I contacted Miya about doing a tattoo for me (about 2-3 years ago), he told me the process of making an appointment, I asked if I should tell him what I wanted to get, or, if I should bring something with me, here’s a paraphrase of his reply… “all I need you to bring, is yourself…I don’t like to know ahead of time, because I don’t want to be influenced with any preconceptions, I like to meet my clients, talk with them a bit, and build their tattoo FOR them, that way it’s completely unique to them, and they don’t have to worry about anyone else having the same tattoo.” You could have called me Katrina, 'cause I was blown away, to say the least…but in a good way. I’ve had fifteen prior tattoos, and I’ve never once had a tattooist tell me that…but then, that’s another thing, Miya is a tattoo ARTIST, and not a tattooist. And in case you didn’t know, there is a difference. You see, a tattooist, will tattoo anything on you that you want-Jimini Cricket, Bugs Bunny, or the Budweiser logo, if that’s what you fancy. A tattoo ARTIST will only tattoo on you, what they themselves have created. Miya, creates art, he refuses to RE-create it …so if you want something that’s already been done, though fully capable, he’s not the guy for that job.

So, when he asked what I had in mind, there was only one thing: music. I explained that music is my passion, and I wanted for this tattoo, to be a reflection of that, a testament of sorts. He nodded as if what I’d just said was food that he’d just chewed up, swallowed, and digested.

The only other input I had, was this...

For those that don’t know, I had already decided to get my shoulder done, and wanted it to cover an existing tattoo that I’d gotten almost 10 years ago. At eighteen, getting a tattoo of the Playboy bunny with “Playful” written underneath , on my chest (as birdish as it is) seemed like a good idea…at twenty-eight, not so much.

After the idea and the placement was discussed, he got up, and went over to talk to the film crew. He came back once more “ok…so, I need you to be thinking of some elements of music…notes, microphone…do you sing?”

I explained that I don’t sing, but I do write music, and try my hand at guitar. The word guitar’ had barely fallen off my lips, when he yelled out to Samba, “yo Samba, print me out a picture of a guitar for a reference, an electric guitar.” And that was it. He set up his station, and then he was ready for me. Film crew in place, we began.

Every other tattoo I’ve ever had, has been drawn out on transfer paper, and then placed on the skin. It shouldn’t really have been a surprise that that’s not how Miya operates. No, he took out a red sharpie, and a black sharpie, and proceeded to draw the image from his mind, directly on my skin. Miya Bailey doesn’t need transfer paper. As it was explained to the film crew, the red lines represent ideas…things he may or may not do, the black lines represent the definite, and serve as guidelines. When he was done sketching, I could tell by the looks on the faces around me, that I was going to be pleased. “Aight, you can take a look at it” …only, I didn’t want to. Strange as it may sound, I am so throroughly impressed with Miya’s art, that I trusted him enough to put it permanently on my skin, without my prior approval. I actually wanted it to be a complete surprise. He laughed a flattered laugh, and smiled a modest smile…“it would make me feel more comfortable if you would look at it…” and so, I did. Having already seen the the stock image of the electric guitar that he was using as a reference, I truly understood, as I stood there in the mirror, his strict rule of not recreating…this guitar on my skin, looked nothing like the guitar on the paper. It was more than I had even hoped for…I gave the 'thumbs up', and we moved on.

During the sketching, I was able to stay covered up, but when it was time to tattoo, Miya told the film crew that they’d have to leave so that he could give me the privacy I needed in case I had to be exposed. He put up some partitions, yelled out to Samba once more, “yo Samba, throw on that Coldplay”, and with that, the needle's buzz began. He inked, and we chatted through Coldplay..about his sixteen years of tattooing, the clothing line he's about to launch, the coffee table book he's just a month or so from having completed for publication (which will be available at major bookstores-Borders, Barnes & Noble, etc.)...the difference between creating a tattoo for a woman, and one for a man, and other ranging topics of conversation. And then it got really good. One of my favorite Kings of Leon songs started to play:

This reminded him of my ultimate favorite: PURPLE RAIN. “Yo samba, you got that Purple Rain?! Put that shit on!” Really?!?! I couldn’t have predicted that it would have gotten any better, but it did. Seriously?!?! Not only am I in Atlanta at City of Ink, in Miya Bailey’s chair as he’s tattooing an electric guitar on me…but now, it’s to the best soundtrack of all time?!? We didn’t chat much after that, we didn’t need to-- Prince’s viral guitar riffs, the matching intensity on Miya’s face, and the nod of his head, all spoke volumes.

After a couple hours, the needle stopped, the residual ink was wiped away and we were done. “aight, you can check it out now” …and I got excited all over again, I'd finally been given the okay to open that long-awaited 'Christmas gift'. I stood, walked over to the mirror, and thought for sure my jaw had detached, dropped to the floor and shattered. I was elated. Absolutely, elated. This tattoo was truly built for robyn.emmm, no doubt. Here is the finished product:

*The dripping star is C.O.I's trademarked logo, and is representative of their belief that "everybody's a star..but only a few drip down on other stars and inspire them" ~Miya Bailey (April 2009 issue of Inked)

I drove four hours to get there, and I drove four exhausting hours in the rain to get back, but for my experience at City of Ink, and getting to carry around a timeless piece of art that was created especially for me, at the hands of Miya Bailey, made it all entirely worth it.

To you Miya, I say thank you. You are an inspiration, and even more than a dream chaser…as far as I’m concerned, you’re not doing the chasing, you’re doing the catching. Keep on keeping on.

***UPDATE, CLICK HERE to watch the trailer (which I happen to be in!) for the film Dapa Entertainment was spotlighting Miya for***

the way you make me feel...it really turns me on...

2009-07-08T22:02:00.014-05:00

music.

anyone that knows me (and even some that don't), knows that, aside from God, and my mom, there's nothing i love more. there's nothing that can make me more full when i'm hungry. there's nothing that can make me feel more love, when i'm at my loneliest point. i appreciate it to a degree that i appreciate nothing more (aside from the aforementioned). sometimes, i get so frustrated because i can't put into words the unequivocable feelings that i have for, well, music. music in it's most raw, most unfilitered form....or music produced to the point of no further production. i can't say enough about it, really.

one night, not too long ago, i was in nashville, specifically, for a show @ 3rd & Lindsley.

andrew hoover (http://www.andrewhoovermusic.com/) opened.

up next was joey degraw (http://www.joeydegraw.com/).

and finally, one of my favorites, tony lucca (http://www.tonylucca.com/).

well, i was there alone. i was sitting at the bar. and suddenly felt moved to write. i fished a pen out of my ridiculously large bag. i grabbed some bar napkins. and i wrote. and i wrote. random notes. random feelings. i think these bar notes, sort of encompassed what i feel for music. i was finally able to partially encapsulate (is that possible?), in a few short words, the feelings that i feel for music, in that one night. those musicians, their music...spoke to me. not in a way that i hadn't been spoken to before, but, in a way that was familiar. you see, music, is what i know best. i can rely on music, it never lets me down, it's never unfamiliar, always inviting. and so, i sat there, and i wrote. i'd forgotten about those bar notes until recently.

and now, i'll share those thoughts/feelings with you. maybe you'll understand, maybe you won't. fortunately, it's not for you to understand, but if you do, one up for me.

*i love the way that music makes me smile from the inside out, almost literally...i'll be @ a live show & suddenly realize that i'm donning a big wide smile.

*i love where music takes me, both figuratively & literally...from a local huntsville bar, to nashville, to birmingham, to heaven, and back...

* i love how music is pourous...it's like i breathe it in through my nose and it makes its way straight to my <3>

*i love how i can always pick out the most passionate member of a band based on his/her facial expressions & body movements, and how they're so perfectly unaware of either one.

*i love how music inspires me to write...and live, and love.

*i love how music starts conversations, but never ends them

*people hate people, people hate life, people hate love. but i love that i've never met a person, who hated music.

*i love how a guitar can speak many languages, without uttering a single word. it can cry, it can laugh, it can be smug..or, it can just be.

*i love how music can give me goosebumps...in a room that's 100 degrees.

*i love how the feelings that music emotes, are totally transferrable and yet, completely unique.

*i love how some people HEAR music, and some people LISTEN to it...i love that i do neither, i FEEL it.

*last but certainly not least, i love how i understand music more than i'll ever understand any thing/one else. i love that it also understands me.

people, i love music, honest, i do.

...this one's dedicated to the greatest musician the world has known...Michael Jackson, rawk on, and i hope you find peace in death, because Lord knows they wouldn't give it to you in life. celebrate the legacy ya'll.

the dichotomy of the douchebag and the gentleman

2009-06-25T23:20:00.007-05:00

okay, it's not really a dichotomy, i just like that word, but, you've gotta admit, it makes the title sound cool, right?

moving right along....

yesterday i updated my FB profile..added some things,took some out. i'm sure none of you read it either way, but, in the 'interests' section, i put "interested in meeting a guy that's not a total douche bag," or, something to that affect. (i do know non-douche bag guys, i just mean one that i'm interested in 'like that')

okay, so there's a guy that i used to hang out with.

(nothing more. and by 'NOTHING MORE' you know what i'm sayin')

he's attractive. intelligent. gainfully employed.confident. there were a few times before, that he'd invited me over--- i'd curl up on his couch with his cat, and he'd pour me a glass of wine while he whipped me up a tasty steak and some shitake mushrooms (and i don't even LIKE mushrooms, but the ones he made me were like bites of homegrown heaven)

...sounds awesome right?

well, i stopped returning his calls/texts at some point, but i've never really remembered why exactly. i ran into him last weekend and he immediately went into the whole "i got a new phone, i lost your number" schpiel...blah blah (little did he know i had purposely lost his long before he'd lost mine). anyways, he asked for my# again, i gave it to him. why, i don't know.

and now i'm fully reminded of why i stopped seeing him to begin with. he asked me to hang out monday night,but i wasn't up for it, i told him we could thursday night (tonight). i'd sort of forgotten about it, but apparently he hadn't. so i get this text earlier asking me if i still want to hang out. i say sure and ask him what he wants to do. he says "movie at my place...or yours" ....i'm SO over hanging out in the house (HELLO-what happened to taking a girl OUT? you don't even have to PAY for my meal/movie/drinks, let's just get OUT of the damn house, a walk in the park, hell, SOMETHING...let me not get on that soapbox). so i suggest instead,that we go grab a drink or a bite to eat somewhere.he replies with "think i'm gonna stay in." okay...so, i leave it at that. TWO HOURS LATER, he texts me again"what's up" ...so i proceed to tell him that i decided to stay in too, long day, all these deaths have me thinking about my grandmother, blah blah blah...an hour later, he texts me again "you r too emotional" --i wanted to say "and you, are a condescending a-hole" but i opted instead for the more pleasant route, and said "ha, i'm an artist, what do you expect, it's our nature" ...five minutes later he replies with"lol, true...r u that way in bed? ;)"

riddle him that, because he'll never know.

dude, thank you for reminding me why i dropped you like the falcons dropped michael vick. kick rocks douche bag. oh, and lose my number AGAIN, because i feel obliged to do the same thing (AGAIN), in fact,hold on---DELETE.

maybe.just maybe.

2009-06-03T22:17:00.001-05:00

so, i was just walking up my stairs, and i'm pretty sure i had an epiphany.

i stopped midway up...and it all just sort of hit me at once.

completely out of the blue.

"robyn," (i said to myself) "you've been looking at this the wrong way, all along..."

i've got to preface this cerebral vomit i'm about to spew, with this; i think this little light[bulb] of mine, may have been instigated by a text i received earlier from a friend<--link...the "thought for today," as she often sends me, this one read:

"The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it."-Moliere. Often times than not, we see obstacles as a bad thing, instead of what it really is...a source of motivation.'

so i said, "robyn, you've been looking at this the wrong way, all along...all along, you've equated being single, with being lonely, and thus, you've viewed it in an at least partially, negative light. when in reality, you should be viewing it as a good thing...because, maybe, just maybe you're single for a [GOOD] reason. Maybe, because you're an independent woman [and i don't mean that in a cliche', new age-"i am woman, hear me roar" kind of way...]and you do not allow the fact that you may not always have accompaniment, to stop you from going places, and from doing things...maybe there is a woman, or a young girl that you know, that may look up to that, and you. Maybe she sees you, and knows that it's OKAY to be on your own, and that despite that, it's still completely possible to enjoy, and explore life. Maybe you are an inspiration. Or maybe there's a man, or young guy, that sees you and respects the fact that you are who you are, and can do for yourself, by yourself...maybe he secretly hopes to one day find someone just like you. Maybe, as Andre 3000 once put it, maybe, you are the prototype<--link. Or, or...maybe, you're single for an even BETTER reason. Maybe, God has something so great in store for you [career-wise] that He knows a relationship/family would only serve as a hinderance...an impedance even, to that great thing. Maybe, He wants you to be ready, and have the capacity to focus all of your attention on this one great thing...or, many great things.

...robyn, you're not a materialistic individual...but, maybe you have at times harbored some feelings of inferiority, because you're still driving the same car that you've been driving for the past 6 years, while friends and everyone around you, (some even younger than you)are driving new model, luxury cars, fresh off the lot. but, maybe, robyn...you're driving the car that you need to drive, because you have to learn to fully appreciate that car, before God blesses you with the one you want to drive. He's not saying no, He's just saying not right NOW. accept it. embrace it. and know, that a car serves a purpose, it is meant to be a mode of transportation, and is not an indication that you're any less/more successful than the next person. you'll have your day, it is written...and therefore, it is already yours, you just have to be patient and wait for it."

i can definitely do that...patience is a virtue that i captured a long time ago.

now--maybe a month from now, a week from now, or even an hour from now, i may again be questioning failed relationships, determining and redetermining self worth, and measuring success, but in this moment, this moment right here, right now, maybe, just maybe, i finally understand the imperfect perfection, that constitutes all that is me, and all that is my life...

that's all for now, but stay tuned, after these messages, i'll be riiiight back...

rm'wah.

question

2009-05-01T02:35:00.000-05:00

....does anyone actually read this blog? if so, drop a comment and let me know, because otherwise, i think i'm gonna be deadin' this blog.

on this episode of cribs...

2009-04-15T22:42:00.000-05:00

so, i realize that not everyone likes to read...and with that in mind, tonight, i'll skip the babble-ation (<---that's what you call use of creative license)and allow you to indulge in "all the pretty pictures". i'll do this on occassion (when i'm feeling too lazy to write anything).

they say that your living area says a lot about who you are, what do you think mine says about me?

THE 'SWAG' PAD

the 'chillin' room (because living rooms are overrated)

the room by which my mastication is manifested :)

el bano numero uno stairway to heaven

el bano numero dos

..and, the place where i should rest my head, but i sleep on the couch instead, cuz i'm weird like that..

and that's it for the most part. i have a second bedroom, but i don't really have anything in there just yet, still trying to figure out exactly what i'm going to do with it.

oh yeah, fun fact...lemme tell you how i did my wall art (except for Marilyn).

1. go online and find images you think are friggin' awesome

2. save them to a usb drive

3. go to kinkos and print them hoes out

4. go to walmart and get some trendy $2 frames

5. bingo. bango. hammer. nail. booyakah.

in the end, it should look a lil' somethin' like this:

the rat pack, beyonce, louis armstrong

elvis, stevie wonder, pharrell williams (aka my future baby daddy)

lauryn hill

tina turner, pink

aaliyah (r.i.p)

the greatest rapper alive

john mayer

bob marley

billie holiday

welp, that concludes this episode of cribs...ya'll ain't got to go home, butcha gotta get the aych e double hockey sticks outta here!

tata now. bye bye then.

Little Miss Busy Body

2009-04-13T12:31:00.000-05:00

..so, i've been feeling extra productive as of late. which is a good thing, because i spent so much time being unproductive. anyhoo, my weekend was pretty dope. exhausting, but, definitely dope.

friday after work, and...the mini monsoon we had here in huntsville, i went to pick up the cake for the shower i was throwing for my friend on saturday. after that and other shower errands, i didn't get home until around 8 or 9pm. i spent the rest of the evening preparing for the following day's event...well, that, and on the phone chatting with my friend candice until about 3am. i think i finally drifted off to sleep around 330am.

saturday morning, i woke up and started getting ready for the day ahead of me. i think i left my house around 9am and headed back to the cake shop...there was a minor mishap with the cake-- it fell (not as in, i dropped it, but i guess the way that they had it stacked, it just, well, fell).

a mess, right? yeah, so i dropped it off for them to repair, then went on to where the shower was to be held (at her folks' house). spent a couple of hours setting up, and then headed back out at 11 for the cake....was in sort of a time crunch, left at 11, the cake place is all the way on the other side of town, and the shower was to start at noon. ugh. luckily, they were able to fix the cake and i got back just in time for the shower to begin. i think everything turned out just perfectly. she was happy so that made me happy! it was though, my first, and last shower of any sort, lol. ever. i'll attend them, but i'm not throwing any more, lol. anyways, see the link below to a slideshow i created to see how it turned out:

http://www.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery.php?source=ppsl&instanceid=135993794

after clean up and everything, i didn't get home until around 4pm. i relaxed for a bit, and then hit the road headed to nashville for josh hoge, tony lucca, and curtis peoples at 12th & porter. it was...well, effin awesome! tony lucca opened the show. i had heard of him, but never really heard his music. let me just say, he rawked my friggin' socks off. let me give you a little sample...here's some video of him i captured singing his song "melancholy collar" (my favorite song of his by the way):

naturally, i had to purchase both his albums (one of which, he signed for me)...and then we had to get our kodak moment on.

the lead guitar guy for curtis peoples, me, and tony lucca...we're gonna start a new band, it's called Reverse Oreo, lol.

up next was curtis peoples, i'm not a big fan of his, but his lead guitar (pictured above with the pigtails) was killing it, he was very entertaining to watch...i find i always end up with my eyes glued to the person that plays/sings with the most passion, and he was it.

curtis peoples
..and the crew...

and last, but not least, mr.hoge. he pretty much performed his ass off, it was great! of course, i expect nothing less than the best from the guy. he performed all of my faves, including Shadow, and try...and of course, ain't no sunshine...except it was an extended edition, which I LOVE. check out the pix and vids that i captured, below:

Josh Hoge & Trey Lockerbie-Try

Josh Hoge-Ain't No Sunshine

the drive back was terribly horrendous, i'm sure i had about thirty, 3-second doze-offs. horrid. i got home around 2am. i immediately crashed out, and didn't wake up again until about 430pm on sunday. needless to say, i didn't have much of an Easter, but i did get plenty of rest.

so, that was my weekend. can't wait to see what next weekend has in store....i'll catch up with you all sometime later this week, maybe i'll have something to talk about, we'll see.

oh yeah, before i go, i have a little footage from the show i went to thursday night at 3rd & lindsley, here goes:

ernie halter-whisper

btw, check my new youtube page, dedicated to music http://www.youtube.com/robynemmmm

and while you're at it, follow me on twitter http://twitter.com/robyn_em

lastly, thinking of phasing out all prior email addresses and using robyn.emmm@gmail.com, so, add it.

k...tata for now.

later gators!

Like T.I. Said, I Got Big Thangs Poppin'

2009-04-07T18:05:00.000-05:00

So, I'm slacking [again]...gots to do better...

Anywho, I figured I'd better drop a little something-something before the few blog followers I DO have, lose interest all together.

I obviously can't regurgitate all the happenings of the past 5 months (nor do I even want to), but just know that things have been...well, I'll just say 'complicated'.

I won't focus on any of that though, instead I'll bring you up to speed on the more current goingson.

Let's see...I flew out to Dallas last month for a Christian Book Writer's Convention with my grandfather...he has sort of written me into the family business, as an agent/proposal writer.

I'm sort of at odds about the whole arrangment. I LOVE writing, and I love and respect my Papa and would have an awesome time working with him...but, I think considering the very nature of the business, I feel my involvment would have at least somewhat of a bit of hypocrisy tied to it. Yes, I am a Christian, but I wouldn't say I'm devout. I still go out to clubs/bars on occassion, I still drink on occassion, I still listen to secular music, etc. I just don't know if my current lifestyle would reflect well...I mean, not that I'm some devil child or something, but still, ugh. Anyways...

While I was in Dallas, there was an audition for America's Next Top Model. For those of you that don't know, the next cycle of the show is going to be 5'7 and UNDER. It's always only ever been 5'7 and ABOVE. I had gone to an audition before, here in Huntsville, years ago...but got shot down before I even got a chance to stand in line; "oh honey, you're too short, sorry." Hmph. So, I went to the audition, I made it to what I would call Round 2 (past the first judge's table), and got cut shortly thereafter. I would liked to have made it all the way through, but I honestly can't say I was all that disappointed, I felt pretty honored to have even made it past the first round of selections.

Speaking of modeling though, one day last week, I was contacted on ModelMayhem in reference to my availability for a Saturday shoot for Elleira Couture (http://www.elleiracouture.com/). So we all met up at The Mod Squad Salon on Saturday at 11, and we didn't finish the shoot with the photographer, Bill Vaughn(www.billvaughnphotography.com), until around 4 or 5 that evening, but what fun! Everyone was so nice, and I think the pictures turned out really nicely. Here are mine:

I did some networking and will hopefully get to work with Bill and some other folks again in the near future.

What else is new...oh yeeeah, something I'm SUPER excited about is...after several years of hoping and wanting and missing opportunities, I am FINALLY scheduled (Aug.1st @ 3pm) to get tattooed by Miya Bailey. Miya is a tattoo artist whose portfolio I first saw on Myspace, and was BLOWN AWAY. He works at The City of Ink in ATL. Dude is SO good in fact that there is a deposit required to even set an appointment. He's booked through July...yeah, he's that good. I don't think I'll say anything else, I'll just let his work speak for him:

Besides his OBVIOUS talent, something that really struck me with him, is a couple years ago when I first contacted him about inking me. I remember I'd started to tell him what kind of tattoo I wanted, and he cut me short...he told me he didn't need me to tell him what I wanted, that he likes to meet his clients in person and get a feel for who/how they are, and he builds the tattoo specifically for them. That alone blew me away...you do realize what that means, right? He creates 100% unique tattoos for each person, you never have to worry about seeing the same thing on someone else. How awesome is that? I do need to decide where I'm going to get it placed. It's either going to be my shoulder/partial half sleeve, or, going down my side/ribs. Opinions? I'm leaning towards the shoulder, we'll see. Also, my friend who is a pretty amazing celebrity photographer, Dennis Tortora, who currently resides in Atlanta, wants to shoot the whole session, this should be fun, fun, fun! I know some pretty freaking talented people, lucky me, here's some of Dennis' work:

Pretty dope, right? Yeah, I know.

What else, what else...oh yeah, so, how about I'm throwing my very first baby shower?!?! Yeah, me of all people. I'll let you know how it goes...it's Saturday at noon.

Other than that, not much going on here...Thursday night, I'm off to see Ernie Halter at 3rd & Lindsley in Nashville...don't know who Ernie is? He's only one of my MOST FAVORITEST (yeah, favoritEST) musicians. And Saturday night, I'm off to see Josh Hoge at 12th & Porter in Nashville. I normally see them together, but they're doing solo shows now, so, I'll fit 'em in where I can get 'em in! They may easily be my favorite two live performers (and nothing holds a candle to live music, in my opinion).Here they are together, check them out, they're both friggin' AMAZING!

I have to include Josh doing "Ain't No Sunshine"...it's my favorite part of his shows. I LOVE how he gets into it...artists with passion are my cup 'o tea.

I guess that's it...oh yeah, I FINALLY got my wheels back on my car, so I'm feeling a lot better about that as well...

Okay, I gotta go, so, hollerrrrrrrr!

P.S. To all my coffee drinkers, please check out http://www.mochaclub.org/ ...well worth your time, and your $7 if you ask me...you know if I'm doing it, then it must be cool. :)

Declare Yourself

2008-11-04T00:00:00.000-06:00

Four years ago, I voted.

(http://www.xanga.com/LostTrezher/152832209/item.html)

Four years before that, I voted.

Neither time did it turn out the way I would have hoped (or even prayed), but, it has not deterred me from casting my vote in this election.

Today, I will vote.

This, my friends, is a time in history that will be captured (is, and has been), no matter what the outcome. My grandmother is nearly eighty years old, and she voted this year, for the first time in her life. This election has given determination to individuals who have never had faith that their vote would be counted. They’ve not only registered for the first time, but more importantly, exercised their RIGHT to VOTE. I don’t care who you are, you have to admit that that speaks volumes. This election, has restored faith and encouragement to believe in a system that was put in place for the people.

I’m not going to spend my time getting into the politics of this election, because, Lord knows, that’s been done enough over the past several months (hi, my name is Robyn, and I’m a survivor of political burnout, lol). I will say this, I hope that no matter who wins this election, the next president we elect, has it in his heart, to do what’s right BY the people, and FOR the people.

And in case you’re wondering, I have no shame in saying my vote goes to Obama. For those of you who may be ignorantly assuming that his race is what fuels my desire to see him as president…you’re sorely wrong, as you and I both well know what ASS-uming does. Lucky for me, I am (not too toot my own horn, okay, maybe just a little *toot-toot*) an intelligent young woman…more importantly, I’m fair, you’ll never catch me being one-sided (and I can say that with true conviction). I have done my research on BOTH candidates (which far exceeds reading and believing email forwards on either candidate—I’m the person that will get that forward and follow up with some actual research…and nine times out of ten, they prove to be untrue) and am aware of what both *claim* (because let’s face it, until either of them proves it, that’s all it is, a claim) to have to offer America, ALL of America, not just its upper-crust citizens.

Anyways, no matter who you’re voting for, DECLARE YOURSELF, get out and vote.

P.S. I reaaally hope, that no matter who wins, all of the people who have felt so vehemently all this time, about Americans supporting their president, continue to feel this way.

Pay Attention

2008-10-28T12:51:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've written anything, but, now, I feel compelled.

I've been on God's green earth for a mere twenty-seven years, but I've done a lot, and seen a lot more. I've experienced joys that some people will never know their whole lives, and pains that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. We'd all like to think that we know it all . . . truth be told, we don't even know the half of it. Armed with our shield of common sense, we're quick to dispel any notions of falling victim to life's daggers of stupidity . . . "I'd never do that" . . ."how could he have been so naive?!?" . . ."oh my GOSH, doesn't she have any common sense?!?" . . ."hell, if it were me . . ." . . .but you know, the irony lies in the hypocrisy of those very statements, because, well, we've ALL been there. We've all (at some point) walked into the battle knowing that we'd be going to war, and though in every instance, the choice of turning back was ours all along, still, we trudged forward into the enemy's territory. We knew that our chance of victory was a moderate one, but our BIGGEST hopes usually lie in the smallest glimmer of possibility. When we finally face the enemy and the battle is lost, it really shouldn't come as a surprise, and yet . . .the pain seems to resonate from the core of our very being--because, we knew better all along. And in the aftermath of destruction, we can't help but to want to point the finger; place the burden of fault upon someone else's shoulder . . .but eventually, we all realize that when we point the finger at someone else, there are 3 more pointing right back in our direction. Maybe your enemy is an addiction--maybe alcohol or drugs, or maybe even sex, has you in its grips, and in the beginning, you knew that it would ruin you, but you hoped you could handle it . . .or maybe your enemy is depression or self-depreciation, maybe it's consumed you and turned your life upside down, and in the beginning, you figured it was just a phase, you hoped that you could just deal with it on your own . . .maybe it's a boyfriend/girlfriend that you became involved with and knew they could never be faithful (even if they swore their love for you was stronger than their love for life itself), but you hoped you'd be different, you hoped you'd be worth being faithful to. What/Whoever your enemy is, know this, know that they do not have to be the victor. They may win the battle(s), but it's up to y-o-u, to win the war. Pick yourself UP, dust yourself OFF, let GO of your defeatist attitude, and HOLD ON to God, because NO weapon formed against Him shall prosper. Let it be a lesson, to yourself, and maybe even others. Remember, experience is life's greatest teacher, but it's up to you, to pay attention in class.

Dismissed.

The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same

2008-05-27T13:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm better than I was when I last blogged..and yet, I'm still not there yet.

I keep thinking back to happier times...

..and I just can't seem to shake him.

I've had the opportunity to date other people. But things just never seem to add up. Either I'm completely not interested or there's some other issues.

One thing I can say about MP is, I never really had trust issues with him. I never worried about him cheating on me. There was one girl that I had my thoughts about, but I never really thought he would do anything with her while we were together, and to this day, I believe that he didn't.

I don't trust easily, especially when I feel that people are not being completely honest with me..as honest as I am with them.

I'm the type of person that when I'm committed to someone, I am just that, committed. Naturally, people are going to approach me. People are going to want to talk to/date me, but, if I'm involved, that's a no-go.

It seems to me that people are never satisfied with what they've got, so they're always open to something better. This is why I don't date. It's exactly why I swore off dating in the beginning of the year. I somehow decided to give it a chance, but I'm definitely having second thoughts about that. I don't want to be crushed again. I don't want to revisit the place that I'm trying to get so far away from. A broken heart is the worst pain that I've ever had to deal with. And you never know what it's like until you've gone through it, and even when you have it's nearly incomprable to the next person. Know what I mean.

Anyways, I saw MP yesterday...and we actually spoke for a few minutes. It wasn't like the other times that we've seen each other and said a maximum of 3 words. We actually had a conversation...nothing deep, but it was nice none-the-less. He starts school today, which made me extremely proud of him, though I didn't express that to him.

Seeing him, talking to him...probably not the best thing for me, being that I'm not over him, but I did enjoy every second of it. I miss him still. I miss being able to openly hang out with him...going out or just chilling inside cuddled up on the couch with Ramsey (his dog).

Why can't I have those days back?

I appreciate myself...I feel that I should be sufficient, well, more than sufficient as a counterpart, so then, how come I'm the only one that feels that way...

Slow Motion 4 Me

2008-04-24T13:04:00.000-05:00

So...it's been a while, I figured with the mood I'm in, it's an appropriate time to make a comeback.

I dunno, I'm in a really weird place right now. I'm missing the ex-factor again pretty major. And I haven't a clue as to why, or where this came from. I thought I was doing really good. I mean, it's been....10 months since we broke up. That's an ample amount of time for someone to have moved on, don't you think? So, why is it then, that I haven't?

I'm really not even sure what spawned this onslaught of thoughts of him...there wasn't a real trigger, which makes it even more frustrating.

To be honest, I'm not even sure that I miss him so much as I miss the company. I mean, aside from my being at work, we spent every single waking moment together. If I was at work 20% of the time, I was with him the other 80%. After him, I spent a good bit of my time regaining my myself by spending it out drinking. Not healthy, but, hey, it's helped to pass the time. But, even that gets old after a while. And in the aftermath, you're left stuck with yourself again. Stuck with the thoughts of the past. Stuck with the questions that have never been answered. Stuck with the disappointment of having started anything in the first place, and stuck with the regret of having it all come crumbling down around you.

I find myself questioning my own worth. I know that I'm a good catch, I do. But, you hear all these compliments all the time..."you're so pretty"..."you're so smart and talented"..."you're so much fun"...you hear all that, all the time, and you're left wondering why none of that has ever been good enough for anyone. Or, maybe I shouldn't say anyone...maybe instead, I should say, good enough for anyone that I'm interested in. Reciprocity, I long for it. And I think, in vain. I've forever, or at least for as long as I can remember, had this lingering feeling that I'll grow old, and alone. I don't know why I've always felt that way...and, I've had plenty of friends and family try to dispute that fact, but in the end, it's just the way I feel. And, with each failed relationship (though few, they may be), I feel that that destiny is just further being solidified. Maybe I'm wrong, for the love of God, I hope I'm wrong. That's really all I can do, is hope, and of course, pray.

Maybe my day will come, maybe as I imagine, it won't. In the meantime, I'm just trying to figure out what the best way to cope is. I find the solution to my sorrows at the bottom of several glasses of wine, or beer, or whatever shot I'm taking...maybe that's a trait I picked up from my alcoholic ex...but doing that, only creates more problems because it leads me to make decisions under impaired judgement, which undoubtedly only adds fuel to the fire. Filling voids, can only lead to more voids. I deserve more, right? I know I do.

I'm not the type of girl that feels like she needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy, but on the other hand, it's always nice to know that someone enjoys your company without the promise of sex to follow. To be quite honest, I really don't even know if I would want to cruise down Relationship Highway, because it's usually even more of a headache than being alone. But, there are things I miss. I hate being a girl about things, and, before me and the ex-factor began dating, I was in a place where I appreciated my singularity. I was content. And I didn't need anyone...I never planned to let him in at all...it just sort of snuck up on me. HE, just sort of snuck on me. Damn him for that. Damn me for allowing him to sneak up on me like that.

*Sigh*

I suppose I'm done ranting for the moment. I'll get over it, honestly, maybe I'm just pmsing. I'll check back in a week or so with my progress, and then we'll know.

Til then....

SSS, out.

Soon And Very Soon

2008-03-02T17:57:00.000-06:00

...I'll be back soon. I've got a lot to say, just not sure where to start...seem to be having that problem a lot lately.

Just be patient w/me. Thanks.

It's About That Time

2008-02-24T18:57:00.000-06:00

....new entry soon, promise.

Can 'O Worms

2008-02-14T12:47:00.000-06:00

Yeah...that's what I got myself when I allowed open questioning...

First things first though, Happy Singles Awareness Day (SAD) to all!

Second, I went to see my future home [hopefully] yesterday after work. Here's the info:

850 sq. ft.

Wood Burning Fireplace

Customized Closets Throughout

FREE Basic Cable

Dishwasher, Disposal, Refrigerator w/Ice maker, Stove/Microwave

12x16 Master Bedroom

Garden Tub (access to bathroom from bedroom and living room)

Large Covered Patio With Swing

Access to 2 Pools & Clubhouse

Car Wash Area

Volleyball Court

Tennis Court

So, the only thing left to do, is turn in this credit application (ahhhh, scary...damn those student loans....and my lack of concern to pay them back!!)

Let's cross our fingers on that one. If I get approved, I plan to move in March 15th. Woot!

What else? Oh yeah, this'll be my last post until...probably Monday, possibly Sunday depending on what time I get back.

And I guess that's enough with the preliminaries, I'm sure you're here to read the 'Questions & Answers' segment...or, my 'can o' worms.' So here goes:

Requisitioner: Sean
Question: Will you marry me? No need to keep me anonymous...I want the world to know that you're the most dee-zeye-ur-abel wo-man on the planet earff! :) lol
Answer: YES!! Absolutely...as long as you promise that we can have our wedding reception at McDonald's and I can have alllll the value meals I want...AND supersize em (even though I don't think they supersize anymore, make it happen!). Oh and our wedding cake has to be made out of McDonald's apple pies. Witcher sessy self!! :)

Requisitioner: Ebony
Question: What do you think God's purpose is for you?
Answer: Well, to be quite honest, I've got a few ideas, but I'm not sure which is His purpose for me, or whether or not it could be all of them. As we all know, I'm am pretty deeply in love with MUSIC and I think there's GOT to be a reason for that. Maybe I am supposed to be honing my playing/writing skills so that I can let music be my voice, maybe effect some people's lives using that avenue. That's what I want anyhow. Other than that, I think I'm a great listener and a good advice giver...mostly because I don't take sides, I tend to analyze an entire situation and give my honest opinion. My friends, I think, really appreciate that. So, maybe I was put here to be a good friend, sort of a simple task, but I think to those that I am friends with, it means a lot.

Requisitioner: Marlin
Question: Do you only date white guys? If so, why? And how did you forget my birthday?
Answer: For one, you can't count...that's THREE questions. But uh, good question, I'm sure a lot of inquiring minds would like to know this answer. NO, I do not exclusively date white guys (I honestly don't even have a preference). But I'll explain a little further. I think this sort of goes back to my childhood. I grew up a military brat, which means I was exposed to backgrounds-a-plenty. I was never around JUST black folks, or ANY one particular group. Growing up my friends ranged in race...at one point my best friend was a black girl named Olasha...next was Lucy, a Korean chick...a Puerto Rican chick named Michelle when I lived in Panama...a white girl named Sarah when I lived in Hawaii (Happy Birthday Sarah--she's STILL one of my best-friends)...I had friends of Samoan descent, Chinese, Fijian, Filipino, I mean, you name it, I knew 'em. I wasn't really solely surrounded by black culture until my stint at Alabama A&M University...and it was like a whole new world. One I loved, but at the same time...in the aftermath of it all, I found that I had to lose myself in order to fit in. Musically (and pretty much all around) I've always been really diverse...when I was at A&M, if I had friends riding in my car, or even riding down the block with my windows down and music blasting, if I was listening to Creed, or Alanis, or Third Eye Blind...I always got ragged on. So, I stopped listening to that stuff and started bumping a lot of hip-hop. Anyways, after some time of feeling less than myself, I finally realized that I'm never going to please everyone, I've got one life and I've got to live it for me, and up to my standards, no matter what questions it may raise in others. So, that's just a little background information. Who I date, has a lot to do with where I hang out and the things I'm interested in. I'm usually in the downtown area, and around here, that's predominately white. So, that's who I get approached by. I'm not opposed to dating anyone of any race, so long as there is a mutual attraction involved. Literally, I've dated just about every 'type' of guy there is and that's not limited to race. I'm equal opportunity baby! Next, I didn't FORGET your birthday, I never knew it (despite what you may THINK), so ha!

Requisitioner: Joe
Question: How long can you go without having sexual relations with a man?
Answer: Uh was the 'with a man' specification really necessary? lol. Anyways, I think the longest I've actually gone w/out was a year...I don't remember, it was one or two years. At least one year though I know for sure. As far as how long I COULD go, I'd say that's sort of up in the air...however long I deem necessary I guess.

Requisitioner: Maurice
Question: Did you get some last night?
Answer: No.

Requisitioner: Kel B.
Question: Me & another bandmate who shall remain nameless, are interested in knowing when was the last time you had sex?
Answer: The last time I 'got some' was not more than 8 weeks ago...if you two ever bothered to read my blog...and read of 'run-ins' with "Ryan" that could put you in the ballpark.

Requisitioner: Candice
Question: What's the difference between loving someone, and being in love?
Answer: I'm certainly NO expert in this area...but...I have dated and had love for/loved a few guys. But there was something totally different about being IN love with MP. And I'm not even sure I can put it into words, it's moreso something FELT...something you just KNOW. And it sort of sneaks up on you and in a single second you just realize that it's there. I think loving someone, is having a deep and genuine concern for them and their well-being. Being IN love, you're more likely to accept/put up with things that you would otherwise, eighty-six someone were it any other individual. Like I said, I honestly can't really explain it, it's just something you know. And sometimes you don't even realize it until much later...when you have something to compare it to. Hopefully that wasn't too ass-backwards of an answer.

Requisitioner: Jose
Question: When are you coming to New York.
Answer: I'm not sure. I want to make it before the year is out though.

Requisitioner: Rachael
Question: If you could kiss anyone, who would it be, and why?
Answer: Pharrell Williams. Hands down like 6:30. Why? Because he's MY 'Ideal' guy, has been for yeeeeeeeeears. Plus, just LOOK at him AND those inviting lips!

Requisitioner: Bab
Question: What would you do on a 24hour date?
Answer: Well, that's sort of a broad question, considering I don't know if I have location and/or fund limitations...and seasonal/weather info. But, I'll assume you mean around my neck of the woods, and I'm gonna say this is a summer date. Well, for what I'd want to do, it'd probably be best to skip breakfast...so, maybe meet up around 8, and drive to Pell City for skydiving. We'd arrive around 10 or 11...give an hour for paperwork and training...jump...grab a late lunch at my favorite restaurant California Pizza Kitchen. Drive back to Huntsville...it's about 4 or so now...rent some movies and go to the grocery store to pick up some items to cook for dinner...make dinner together and watch movies. The end. Viola!

Requisitioner: Giovanni
Question: Can you tell me what this formula is used 4: Fnet= (M1-M2)g = DMg
Answer: No, I sure in the hell cannot.

Requisitioner: Erica
Question: Have you ever had butt sex?
Answer: First of all, I hate you for asking me this question. Second, I hate me for promising to answer all questions. And third, I hope my mother never comes across this particular entry. Ugh...alright, I consider myself to be a pretty open-minded person, but there are just some things that I deem as unnatural...and having ANYTHING going INTO what's only made for things to come OUT of, is one of them. However, I did once let the ex-factor talk me into 'trying' it, which only took about .5 seconds (literally) to confirm that it was not something I was interested in.

Requisitioner: Errick
Question: If the way you died was an explanation for the way you lived, how would you kick the bucket?
Answer: Drunk? KIDDING. Okay, seriously. That's probably the best question that ANYONE posed to me. Definitely the most difficult to answer. I'd probably get killed playing electric guitar in the rain. At least I'd die doing something I love, and am known for.

Requisitioner: Wayne
Question: Do you still luv me even though I don't live there?
Answer: Of course, you're my boy forever!

Requisitioner: Swoll
Question: How am I so fortunate to have such a beautiful, talented friend like you in my life? Why do you love me so? Out of all of my friends, when you tell me "I Love You" I feel it, and I know you ain't lying.
Answer: Hey, it's an easy question! First of all, thank you. Second of all, the truth is, you're not the lucky one, I am. Thirdly...why do I love you so? Because you know me. You KNOW-ME-KNOW-ME. Whatsmore, you know me, and you STILL love and accept me IN SPITE OF ME. You don't sugar-coat anything for my benefit. Before I tell you about something, I pretty much already know your response, and vice versa. We could go for a whole year without talking, and pick back up right where we left off, without skipping a beat. On the same note, we could go months without talking and then out of the blue,when something is bothering you, without even having talked to you, I will get this innate aching that's something is wrong, and I'll check in with you...and sure enough, there'll be something that you're going through. Some people are just born friends, we are that. God knew I needed you in my life, and vice versa. I love you because I was born to love you and I always will.

Requisitioner: Ari
Question: If you got pregnant from a one night stand, would you keep the baby?
Answer: Throughout my life, there's a LOT of lessons I've learned...none more important than to remember not to state what you'd "never" do. I don't know WHAT I'd do in that situation. I'd hope that I'd make wiser decisions that would avoid putting myself in that situation to begin with. But, no one is perfect. I'd also hope that, if I DID find myself in such a precarious situation, that I'd make the decision to keep the baby, because I don't condone abortion. On the other hand, I can't say what I'd "never" do. Because there have been far too many things that I HAVE done that I swore I never would. I guess I'm human afterall.

Requisitioner: Honorae aka "Ray Ray Jankins" lmao
Question: What made you start doing music?
Answer: Simple answer. My love for music. Five years ago, as a joke, a friend of mine wrote a blog in "my" voice (he wrote it as if to say "here's an example of one of Robyn's blogs)...within that blog he wrote, he said:

"...On a serious 'note' I love music! music was my refuge when I was younger(and still is). I would crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. It just takes me to a place where I feel safe..."

I'd say even though he was being sarcastic, that pretty much sums it up for me. THAT is the kind of power that music has in my life. It lives in my bones and resonates in my soul.

Requisitioner: Neal
Question: What do you do in your room when you're all alone?
Answer: 85% of the time, I'm sitting at the computer, with my back to the tv. If I'm on the computer, I'm either surfing ebay, myspace, http://www.sofreshforums.com/, ah, chatting, making youtube vids, whatevers...also, at least one of my guitars is usually sitting beside me, so between surfing and waiting for pages to load, I'll randomly pick up the guitar and strum a tune. The other 15% of the time, I'm in bed. If I'm laying down, I'm either watching tv, on my way to sleep, asleep, or just waking up. Sorry for such a 'boring' answer, but, I promised to tell the truth..and that's the God's honest truth :)
And well, I think that concludes the question/answer session. Hopefully I've answered all your questions to a fair degree. If not, get over it :)
Anyways, you hooligans enjoy the next three-four days without me, actually, I just MIGHT post tomorrow if I have time. If not, I'll 'see' ya when I get back.

VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because it's the holiday of love..and this is one of my favorite love songs:

Love ya'll.

RMwaaaaaaaaaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Stupid Cupid

2008-02-13T12:30:00.002-06:00

I’ve been one day ahead all week. Monday, I thought it was Tuesday, Tuesday I thought it was Wednesday, and today, I feel like tomorrow should be Friday. I wish the week would catch up with my mind, lol.

Speaking of tomorrow…it’s Valentine’s Day. I think it’s my least favorite holiday, in fact, I know it is. It always seems like just another reminder to the single people of the world, of what they don’t have. I get sick of seeing the commercials, sick of hearing about it, period. I have never had a good, meaningful Valentine’s Day...yeah, and I'm twenty-six years old. I remember the year that JB and I were dating…I spent Valentine’s Eve being creative with his gift, I made him up a gift basket of his favorite things, threw in some special customized coupons I’d thought up, and wrote out one of the most heartfelt cards ever. I didn’t hear from him until around 10pm on Valentine’s Day when I received a call from him saying:

“I got your gift, you want it, or what?”

Yeah…not so much. And need I mention that there never actually was a gift? Not that that's what matters, because I'm one of the least materialistic people you will ever meet, I just like knowing that I'm thought of, it really is the thought that counts, as cliche as that may sound. Anyways, last year wasn’t so bad. Actually it was kind of nice, an internet friend of mine drove up from Atlanta and took me to dinner and a movie. It was a little awkward because we hadn’t met previously. It wasn’t a romantic type connection, but, it was nice to have gotten to meet him after so many years and also to have someone to chill with on the dreaded holiday. This year, I’m not all bugged out by it, I’m just like ‘eh, whatever’, I’m gonna have Ladies Night with the girls, and call it a day, that’s ALWAYS guaranteed fun. So, I’ve spoken my piece on that.

Oh wait, I almost forgot. A couple months after MP (the ex-factor) and I broke up, I was still all tore up about it...I wrote him a letter and sealed it in an envelope. I told myself that if I still felt the same way 6 months from that day (which would be THIS month), then I'd give him the letter on Valentine's Day. Now, the feelings I felt, and everything I wrote, was real...he is the one guy that I can say I actually fell IN love with. However, as much, much time has passed, I've come to realize that just because you love someone, doesn't mean you can/should be with them. At any rate, since he'll never see the contents of that letter and since I promised to be candid when I created this blogsite, I'm going to share the actual letter with you (*save for changing some names):

Happier Times

Dear M,

I'm not sure what this letter is for, righteously, I'm not sure it's even for/to you. I think I'm just writing because sometimes it's just good to get things out on paper. You can't visualize feelings, but you can visualize words, and maybe that's the purpose of this letter (if you can call it a letter). Let's see. I'd say it's been roughly two months or so since things went sour between the two of us.

At first, I was just disappointed and felt rejected. Then I think I felt a bit desperate and hurt, and I continued to reach out to you, in vain. Then I think I was depressed, because I was confused by the whole turn of events and therefore questioned my own self-worth. It got pretty bad, like, yeah, bad. I became pretty despondent & engaged in some pretty self-destructive behavior, and I didn't care. Everywhere I went, everything I did, there was something relevant to some memory of you, or, just you in general. I'd meet people, and then find out that they were somehow connected to you. It got to a point where I was seeing *Amy (his ex-wife) out every weekend, or I was seeing your car somewhere, and it just sucked for a while. But, eventually, things got a little easier and I kind of fell back into my old routine.

Dating kind of helped, but, that said, not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought of you. And then I found out about the whole *Brittany situation, and I've gotta tell you, I was (pulling out your favorite word) F*CKING pissed. Oh my gosh, you just don't know. I'm actually still pissed about that. Not so much that you found someone else to screw (date, whatever), not even so much that that 'someone else' was *Brittany, but, mainly because I specifically asked you about an attraction to her, and you lied. "Pssh, what?!? No, she's got nothing on you, I assure you…. you have nothing to worry about…and plus, I'd never do that to *Brian (his best friend, who was dating *Brittany)." Talk about eating one's words. So yeah, it just sucked finding out the REAL reason behind everything, instead of you just telling the truth. My initial thought was, revenge. And while I am extremely creative, I'm not the vindictive type at all. I did, however, fully intend to curse you the hell out, upon first sight. And it so happened that I got that opportunity last week. Unfortunately, I was completely & utterly trashed, with a capital T. So, when I saw you, I couldn't think quick enough to lay it on you. Instead, I continued w/what I was doing, and tried blocking you out. The whole while though? My heart was in my throat. Or, stomach. Not sure which one. And it's really, like, frustrating and confusing. Because I am positive that as I sit and ponder over what was, and what could have been…you've gone on since that day two (almost three) months ago without a second thought about me. That's what's frustrating. Knowing that I've got these feelings for someone that has lost all interest in me being with me, is less than thrilling, to say the least. And confusing, is WHY? Why DO I have an interest in you? What did you do that was so great? You were nice, yes. But you're not the nicest. Very attractive. But not the most attractive, etc. So, why? I still don't know. What I do know, is how I felt when we were together. No matter what we were doing…whether it was watching tv, eating, swimming, kissing, laying in bed together, or sitting in silence…no matter who was around, whether it was *Evan, *Brian, *Brittany, your neighbors, your parents, *Sammy (his dog) or just the two of us…didn't even matter where we were, I always felt I was where I needed to be. I felt completely comfortable. Not in the sense that "oh my God, we belong together, we have to be in some sort of super serious exclusive relationship," but in the sense of "I like you a lot, you make me happy, let's go with it." I've never ever been hung up on a guy like I have been with you. It's so much easier to have the "two tears in a bucket, and fuck it," kind of attitude. And yet, tried as I may have, I have still been unsuccessful, even now. Two/three months after the fact, plus finding out about *Brittany. As disgusted and appalled at that as I was. Even after reflecting over the alcohol thing, I'm still not over it. Don't get me wrong, it's not nearly as consuming as it was before…hell, it's not even so much 'consuming' as it is 'consistent.' It kind of reminds me of this song called "Do You"…it goes like this:

Maybe this decision was a mistake
Probably don't care what I have to say
But it's been heavy on my mind for months now
Guess I'm tryna clear some mental space
I would love to talk to you in person
But I understand why that can't be
I'll leave you alone for good, I promise
If you answer this one question for me
*I just won-der
Do you e-ver
Think of me…
...Any-mooore…
...Do you…

One thing I will not wonder, is if I was completely honest w/you, and foremost, myself. I've come to the conclusion, M[ ] P[ ], that I am in love with you. There, I said it. I don't know the first thing about love, what it's supposed to be/feel like, hell, I've told myself that I don't believe in love (not the romantic kind anyhow), but…I know that I've got this indescribable feeling for you, that I've never had for anyone else I've ever dated (and I've had much longer-lasting relationships than the one we had). So, I guess that's it. What's my point? I'm still not sure. I think I'll fold this letter & seal it in an envelope. Six months from now, if I still feel the same way, then I will know it's not just some fleeting feeling, or because I'm just on the receiving end of being 'let go.' So, if you're reading this letter, then it's true, I love you. That's probably one of the scariest things I've ever said/admitted (and I didn't even have to say it out loud). And in admitting this to you, I'm hoping you're not like "Ohhh my gawd, it's been umpteen months, and this girl is STILL jockin', what a psycho." Because that is precisely what I've thought about in the past about some of my exes that were still calling and asking to get back together, months, even years after the fact. But now, I understand, I think. Please believe, I'm not psycho, I'm not super desperate, I'm honestly not even asking to get back together w/you (or see you, or even talk to you). I guess I just feel that if I feel it then, you should know it. Life is extremely short and unexpected. I don't like to LIVE with (and certainly don't want to die with) regrets, and not telling someone I feel that I'm in love with, that I'm in love with them, is not going to be one of my regrets. So that's it M, this is more for me, than it is for you, no response is necessary…just having you know, is enough.

Sincerely,

RSM

Yeah...so, pretty heavy, eh? Talk about bearing one's soul. I'm definitely glad I made the decision to wait six months, as opposed to giving it to him then.

Anyways, enough about that.

The stupid condo lady did not call me the other day…I’m gonna call her today, because I reaaaally wanna see it! If that doesn’t pan out, there’s a couple of places I have in mind. I’m just ready to have my own space. I love living at home, don’t get me wrong…my mom is the one ‘best-friend’ that I know I can always count on and always has my best interest at heart . . .and we get along fine, we don’t fuss or fight or argue (well, if we do, it’s very very rare), so it’s not like I’m in a bad situation, but, it’s just something about having your own that's a lot different than living at home, ya know?

In other news, I only have 8 more car payments until my car is paid off (well, I’m gonna try to pay it off in less than that)…do you KNOW how great it is gonna be to have that extra $250/month in my pocket (yeah, $250 for a Cavalier, I definitely got ripped off).

Yes, things are looking up for Robyn in 2008.

On another note. I'm with T-Mobile, right, have been for the past faithful 6 years. Anyone that's known me for half a millisecond knows that I'm ALL about my Tmobile Sidekick...I've had one since the first version...well, all good things must come to an end. I get tired of losing my 'G' here lately, and the fact that after all this time, Danger/Tmo really haven't added much, technology wise...I mean there's an MP3 player now, but, whoopdie doo. I have two separate contracts with Tmo, one which is strictly for my sidekick (no phone plan on that one...I've never wanted to hold that big thing up to my ear), and one for my regular celly. My cell contract was up on the 17th of last month, but the sidekick won't be up until October of this year. I want the I-phone now. So, I will get that to replace my regular celly and I'll also have the sidekick until October, then I'll be eighty-sixin' it and I'll have one device for everything, yaaaay. Look at it, isn't it delightfully wonderful:

I’ve got an idea for my next entry…so, stay tuned, it’ll be less random than my usual entries. As for now, I think I’ve said all I’ve got to say. Peace, love, and hair grease!

P.S. Speaking of deviating away from the norm...if there's anything you want to hear me talk about, or anything you'd like to get my opinion on, feel free to drop me a line, style.substance.swagger@gmail.com and I'll address it in the blog, if it's personal, just lemme know and I'll protect your identity :)

Oh yeah, and for those of you that comment, I just wanna send a special shout-out/thank you to let you know you're certainly appreciated!! Love ya'll!

VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because aside from me, this girl is master of emotion--plus she's got an amazing voice!! She killed this song (especially at the end)!!

RMwaaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Long Time Comin’

2008-02-11T12:19:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I’ve been slacking majorly on the posting lately, and for those of you that actually enjoy and look forward to readin’ my blog, I apologize. I’ve just been so busy...having FUN! On that note, I’ll fill you in on the day by day activities since I last left you (this is gonna be long, so at least I’m making up for my absence!)...which I believe was about two weeks ago, on a Thursday night.

I met up with Brandi that night, at Humphreys. We snagged a table and ordered drinks and some food. Another regular, we’ll call him ‘C’ was there, and standing at our table rehashing my err…tequila-driven actions from the previous weekend. In, walks one of his friends, ‘J’ and he’s with a girl, that I immediately recognize as familiar. I’m not exactly sure HOW I know her, but I’ve got an idea. They sort of pass by the table, and head to the bar, speaking to ‘C’ in the process. Drink in hand, the girl moseys over from the bar, to our table, pulls out the chair beside me, and sits down. She introduces herself as “Lo” to Brandi, and then to me. I respond with… “don’t I know you already?”

She sort of stares at me a couple seconds and then exclaims; “MP!”

*NOTE: MP are the initials of my ex.

Now, it’s confirmed how I know her. I’ll give you a little background information. There were three instances that I’d run into this girl. I dated a guy last year for about two or three months. From one day, to the next, things went from near perfection, to...just, I don’t know. We suddenly went from hanging out every single day and every single night (I mean, I may as well have been living with him, that’s how often I was there, the only time I wasn’t, was when I was at work, or, getting more clothes from home), to barely communicating, much less hanging out. He had some underlying issues that I guess he needed to deal with, to this day, I’m not sure. ANYWAY, he explained to me that he didn’t feel as though he had anything to offer anyone right now...and I’m too nice a girl to...blah blah blah. Now, given that explanation, you can imagine my surprise when one night I was walking a friend to her car after a night at Humphreys, and we’re laughing and joking on the way to the car, and we run into another girl who sort of began to joke with us…it went something like this…

[insert random laughter/jokes]
Me to aforementioned girl: girl, do you even know where you’re parked???
Girl: [laughing] ohh, I didn’t drive, MP did.

At which point, I think my face sort of fell. And I’m guessing it showed.

Girl: Uh oh…do you know him?

Before I could even respond, a few yards away, walking down the sidewalk, is MP. He throws up one arm and says; “yo, let’s go” …I don’t know if he saw me, or not. Off she walked in his direction, they got in his car, and that was that. I was, well, livid. I felt like I’d been lied to…like he hadn’t been forthcoming about why we’d broken up. I should’ve let it go, but, I felt that I deserved the truth…and, well, I’d been drinking, so, I called him. He didn’t answer of course, I left him a message. He called me back much later that morning, around 4 in the morning, I was asleep. He called again later that day. I missed both calls. I called him back, he didn’t answer. We played phone tag like that for a while.

About 2 weeks later, on a Sunday night, at my best-friend’s urging, I text him to see if he was out. Turns out he was. I ended up going to the bar he was at, so that we could finally talk. Beforehand, I asked if he was out alone, and he said he wasn’t. I wasn’t going to go after that, but he kept texting asking if I was coming. So I asked if it was going to be alright with whoever he was with, if I were to show up. He assured me it’d be fine, in fact, his exact response was “f*** yeah.” So I show up, turns out he’s with the parking lot girl, and another one of his girl friend’s, ‘K’ (this one, I know). We step outside to talk…at one point, he’s got to use the restroom, so he excuses himself. It was pretty cold out, so after a couple of minutes, I decided to wait for him inside…at which point, I realized I needed to go to the bathroom, which was located down in the basement. As I’m going down the stairs, he and the parking lot girl were coming up. I could tell that there was some tension between them. From the bathroom, I could hear them talking on the steps, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. When I ascended from the steps, they were both standing in front of the door…he sort of threw his hands up, and she walked out. A few minutes later, I think he went after her, he was gone a long while before he came back.

The third instance, was on Halloween night, which was about a week later. I was walking down the sidewalk towards Humphreys, when on the other side of the street, I thought I spotted Mike. I ask Laura if that’s him… “yep, that is Mike.” We make it across the street and are walking towards him, he’s with parking lot girl and ‘K’ again. Laura says “Hiiiiiii Mike” and I say “Yeah, hi Mike”….he speaks or whatever, and parking lot girl says “hiiiiiiiii Mike” in this mocking voice. It made me SO mad. I avoid confrontation because I just am not into drama (though it seems to follow me), but I was ready to confront this girl that night. Laura sort of dragged me into Humphreys, so no other words were exchanged.

I didn’t see her again after that. Until Thursday night two weeks ago, when she sat down at our table. More on that…

So we start talking about the night we met in the parking lot, which, she doesn’t really remember. We talk a little about MP, just generally, nothing in depth. And then we just shoot the sh!t about nothing in particular. Turns out she’s a pretty awesome and fun person. So much in fact, that when Brandi and I prepared to leave Humphrey’s, to head down to Sammy’s, we asked her if she wanted to join us, which she did. We partied hard that night, and I paid for it Friday…felt like crap all day long, lol. **Will Insert Pix Later**

Ah, that Friday night, I didn’t do anything, just spent the night recovering from the night before. Saturday, I headed down to Birmingham for a Real World open casting call @ Zydeco. It wasn’t as much fun as the one I’d attended in Nashville a couple years ago (you can read about that, here http://www.xanga.com/LostTrezher/36616252/item.html), but maybe because I was by myself. They were supposed to have been doing call backs that night, for the following day, but I didn’t receive one so, no Real World for me, lol. After the casting call, I drove about an hour and a half, to Prattville to catch Michael’s show @ The Blue Iguana. Great show, not a great crowd or location, but as far as the talent goes, Michael and the boys never disappoint.

RW Casting Call @ Zydeco-Birmingham, AL-02.02.08

Michael Warren Band @ The Blue Iguana-Prattville, AL-02.02.08

Sunday night, Lo called me and said she was meeting up at Crossroads with MP, E (a good mutual friend of mine), and E’s gf and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up with them. After making sure she’d cleared it with MP, I agreed. We all hung out, and oddly enough, it wasn’t awkward at all. Even after E, E’s gf, and MP left, Lo and I hung out for the rest of the night. I ended up crashing at her place, and went to work the next morning in some clothes her roommate provided me, lol.

Monday was spent recovering again.

Tuesday, I went to vote after work, woohoo! And later that night, Lo and I headed downtown for the Mardi Gras events. Boy, what a night. I guess there were two things that sort of stood out about that night. The first, was Lo & I running into MP out on a date. The irony never ceases…on top of that, at some point, I think Lo suggested we go bug MP for a drink (this was at a bar, so it wasn’t a romantic date anyhow)…what should have been an awkward moment (but wasn’t at all...which is weird), followed, it went something like this:

Lo: let’s go get MP to get us a drink
Me: what? no…plus he’s on a hot date
Brandi: man, f*** a MP
Lo: [looks at me] we already did that!

And then we burst into hysterical laughter. Wow, just wow. The second thing that happened involved a straw thief (yeah, so you know it’s gonna be interesting). This is what happened…

I'd brought both of us these super cool blue bendy straws (can be seen in photos). So, we both have our straws…and then, suddenly, only I have my straw. We eventually figured that she must have dropped hers when she was giving me a piggy back ride up the stairs (uh, don't ask). So we go back downstairs to look for it. We spot a guy and a woman (and I say woman, because this wasn't like…some teeny bopper here), and the woman, is holding our straw. So we walk over and POLITELY ask if they happened to have found that straw. The guy openly admits he found it. The woman says "if both of you kiss him, then I'll give it back" …I'm like…wtf, why should we have to do ANYTHING to get something back that already belongs to us?? (not to mention, why is she trying to get us to kiss the guy SHE is with..freaking weirdo). We go back and forth, because obviously, we're not gonna bend, and neither is she. I eventually get fed up with the back n forth banter, and I say "forget this, let's go get Larry" (security, whom I know very well). So, Lo and I go and explain to Larry, the whole situation, we follow him back to where this woman is. Now HE'S going back and forth with her…she keeps saying "this is MY straw…I know the law…I know the law…blah blah blah" (apparently, she knows the law, lol). At this point, to me, it's not longer about the straw, it's like…you KNOW this does not belong to you, why are you hoarding it? I was SO pissed…so I made a move to snatch the straw out of her hand, but she had some sort of intense Hong Kong Phooey Kung Fu Grip on it…I couldn't wrestle it out of her hand, so then we BOTH had the kung fu grip going. She's yelling "you're assaulting me, you're assaulting me…I know the law (of course)"…Lo pulls me away, and tells me to just forget about it. The woman is not content with just giving us the straw back, but she's okay with Larry MAKING her throw it away (guess she figured if she couldn't have it, none of us would—she was wrong), at which point, Lo retrieved it out of the trashcan, gave it to the bartender who sanitized and rinsed it off and gave it back to us. Never a dull moment, I swear. Oh, and Larry kicked the chick out (which we cleverly avoided, lol), yaaay! Team RoLo wins again! After Crossroads, we went back to Humphreys, and then from Humphreys to 3rd Base and then finally, home. **Will Insert Pix Later**

I don’t remember doing anything Wednesday night, probably recovering again. Thursday night was the official ladies night as usual. This time, it was me, Lo, Lil Bit, Brandi, Lauren, Toni, and Toni’s friend Jane. Awesome time, as usual. Too awesome of a time I think, I paid for it Friday…I was an hour and 10 minutes late! Oops. It was okay though, I didn’t get into any trouble, they (the bosses) actually thought it was funny “soooo, what’d YOU do last night Robyn? Need some aspirin?” Like I keep tellin’ ya, alcohol is the devil, lol.

Speaking of Friday, and pay...I got my first check on Friday, wooooooooooot! I can't even describe to you how fulfilling it is, to receive a check that I worked for...ya know? That's one helluva feeling. Sitting at home and collecting unemployment was nice for a while, but, there's nothing like having EARNED money. Oh, and even better, I get paid weekly, woooooooooooot!!! Like McDonald's, I'm lovin it!

Ah, Friday night, I didn’t get into anything. I stayed at home taking my [micro]braids down for my appointment Saturday morning. After my appointment, I dropped my car off to get my new speakers installed (yeeeeeyuuuuh) and then spent the rest of the day riding around with my mom. We found a 1bdrm condo that I’m super excited about! I’m supposed to go look at it today after work, hopefully it’ll be my future home! Saturday night, I met up with Lil Bit downtown @ Humphreys. We hung out there a while waiting for Lo to show, so that we could all go to the NFL party @ Crossroads…which she never did show, lol. Lil Bit and I opted to NOT go to the party when we found out it was gonna be $20, I’m sorry, but I’m not paying that to see the same folks I can see around town for free. So instead we headed to The Horse…where Brandi, her friend with blue hair, and eventually LO, met up with us. Afterwards, Lo and I went to Ihop, where we had a jolly ol’ time and a good meal…and finally, I arrived home a few minutes after 5am. **Will Insert Pix Later**

Sunday (yesterday), I slept until 2pm (can you blame me?). Then I got up, cleaned n stuff, and caught the 4:15 showing of “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins” with mom and sis. It was an ‘aight’ movie, I didn’t think it was as funny as I’d expected it to be, especially with Martin, Monique, Cedric the Entertainer, AND Mike Epps being in it. First Sunday was much, much funnier. I halfway watched/listened to the Grammy’s…weren’t Kanye’s performance and speech amazing??? I also thought Amy Winehouse performed really well…and need I even SAY how much I loved Alicia Keys’ and John Mayer’s performance. I love that man ya know? 
Other than that, I posted a new youtube video. Not doing anything special, lol, in fact I just did a lip sync of one of my favorite songs, Kissin’ You by Des’ree (the original version/artist that INSPIRED Beyonce’s version—which I also like, for the record). Here it is (check out them actin' skills, can you feel the emotion I emit, or CAN YOU FEEL THE EMOTION I EMIT??!??!! lol):

I’m trying to think if there’s anything else I’ve left out…that should pretty much bring you up to speed on everything. Oh yeah, I’m headed to St.Louis Friday after work, for the weekend. It’s Candice’s birthday, yaaaay. We’re finna do it up real big, be sure to check for pix next week. Also, we’re planning to get tatted together while I’m there. I’m getting a musical scale, across the length of the inside of my left wrist. Above the scale will be the words “Music Is” and below the scale “My Boyfriend”. I think Candice is gonna get hers on her ankle, and I think she's getting a butterfly with the caption of "If I Had Wings..." (which was my idea, chea!). I can't wait!

One other thing, I ordered a new comforter set, can't wait for it to get here, the one I have now is long overdue to be replaced, peep the new ish!

Um, yeah, so, that's it. I'm not sure what's on the agenda tonight, but obviously after an entry THIS long, I won't be posting again tonight..maybe tomorrow. Love ya'll!

YOUTUBE VID OF THE Day-because I love me some Cory & Dondrea!!!

RMwaaaaah!

SSS, out!

I Owe Ya One

2008-02-10T22:52:00.000-06:00

...my bad ya'll...I'm slackin.

Update comin' soon, I promise.

On the Run...

2008-01-31T21:55:00.000-06:00

Okay, don't feel like actually typing anything tonight, so I thought I'd do a vlog instead. I'm posting it before it actually processes all the way on youtube, so if you click play, and it doesn't work yet, just give it a few minutes and check back. Love'ems!

RMwaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Lightning Round

2008-01-22T22:48:00.000-06:00

I've been absent for what seems like forever....and unfortunately I'm not going to get too involved in this post because I really need to get to bed before midnight tonight, so, I'm gonna do a "lightning round" ( a term borrowed from my 'brother', Errick).

1. How about this...how about, I was afforded the opportunity on this past Friday, to return to my old job?!?!?! ...this, on the SAME day, that I was offered the position with the other company I told you about...unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?)..2008 is about change, and I've got to do BETTER for myself, so, I opted for the new position, pays more. Yay me!

2. Speaking of doing BETTER for myself, how did I manage to have another run-in with 'Ryan' this past Thursday? He was actually out and pretty wasted..and kind of obnoxious at that. Long story. Anyways, that's over and done with for good.

3. I got my taxes done today, woooohoooo, tax return in 24hrs, yeeeah baby!

4. Is it sad that I'm counting down the hours to Thursday? This'll be my last one out for a while, what with starting the new job 'n all :)

5. So, I've been resting a little better lately, for whatever reason. Last night was a little rocky, couldn't fall asleep even though it was like 2am when I finally laid down...I drifted off eventually. I wanna make sure I don't have another night like that though (at least on a weeknight), so taking the advice of Neal (who's pretty awesome by the way), I bought a bottle of wine earlier today and starting tonight, I'm going to have ...I think he suggested 2 glasses before I go to bed. I think it's working because I'm pretty sleepy..I'm just hoping I don't feel groggy n drained in the morning, 'cause wine does that to me.

6. So, I'm glad I didn't ward off dating. It's going pretty good. But, it's still scary, ya know? I'll try to expound on all this another time.

7. Uhhh, I think that's it. Oh wait, my car is almost paid off, yaaaaaaaay, what great news is that? I'm gonna hang onto it for a while and maybe look into fixing it back up, if I could find a replacement for ONE of my wheels (which is warped from a pothole), then I could get those put back on...get my brackets taken off the trunk, and it might be close to looking like it was before:

8. One last thing...since I'm no longer doing the Navy thing, time to raise up outta mom's crib (moved back home to avoid signing a new lease before shipping out)....so, the plan is by March (no later than April) to be moved out. Trying to get Candice here NOW so we can be roomies again...we can't wait!!!!!

K...I gotta go now, it's 11:33. So um, peace out!

I know that commercials were last week..but I love this commercial, so I HAD to feature it, I'll think of a new theme for this week (what's left of it), tomorrow!

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because 30 Minute Abs, Is Where It's At!

PS. RIP to Heath Ledger...I found myself really really sad about his death...

RMwwwwaaah,

SSS, out!

I'll Be Back

2008-01-20T22:18:00.000-06:00

...update soon, I promise. And it'll be good.

Til Then,

Keep Missing Me :)

Odds 'n Ends

2008-01-16T21:52:00.000-06:00

Another day, another dollar. Except...I'm not making any of those...yet. Soon enough. My remaining interview(s) are tomorrow morning at 9:30, for the job I've been telling you about. Hopefully I'll have good news to report. I'm also headed to the old j-o-b tomorrow to help out around the office. It'll be nice to work...never thought I'd be one to say that.
I'm paranoid...but that's another story.

I've decided to get two more tattoos. One behind my left ear, the other behind my right

Ahh, music to my ears...ha...get it? :)

Special 'shout-out' to those that acknowledged my bulletin on myspace, greatly appreciated.
Can a black person like Obama, without it being because he's black?Sheesh. All you people who think that, please know that you're annoying me.
I need ideas for new youtube vids, help me out peoples. And speaking of youtube vids...I'm still waiting on YOURS (I ain't callin' no names...*cough* ERICA *cough* CaramelDelight*cough*)
I was cleaning up files on my computer earlier, and I came across this song that I was on w/these guys in Birmingham last year, check it out here http://www.zshare.net/audio/6584295b69a84c/ ..oh, and it's not worksafe, or kid-safe, just to forewarn you.

Well, this is definitely one of those posts that I have to post just to say I made an effort. Nothing extravagant has happened between when I last posted and now. Tomorrow, maybe a different story. So, stay tuned.

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because "it's not STUFF, Meredith"

RMwwwaaaah

SSS, Out!

There's Light At The End of The Tunnel

2008-01-15T21:46:00.000-06:00

"I heard someone say that an air plane is off course 90 percent of the time and the pilot has to keep adjusting it over and over until it reaches its destination. I'm not sure if that's true but it made me think...We must set our goals and continue to adjust until we reach our destination and goals...Stay on course!" ~Reverend Run (DMC)

I was discouraged last night, in case you couldn't tell. As you all know, I had a casual interview last week for a job with a commercial construction company, it went well, except that I was told before proceeding, I'd have to make sure I could get out of my enlistment with the Navy. I took care of that (in person) on this past Friday, and reported that to Jeff (the guy I'd interviewed with). I usually hear right back from him, but I didn't hear from him Friday. No word Saturday. None on Sunday. And when yesterday rolled around and I STILL hadn't heard anything, I guess I started to think that maybe the interview hadn't gone as well as I'd first thought it had. I prayed about it because, remember, I told myself that if I didn't have a job by January 21, 2008...then I'd have to jump on somebody's stripper pole (okay...I didn't say that, and I WOULDN'T do that, but, hell, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?)...kidding, but I did say that I'd have to break down and settle on just 'any ol job'. And let's face it, the 21st is not that far off. So,I prayed about it last night. And a funny thing happened....

This morning my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number. I never answer those kinds of calls. About a minute later, I had a voicemail. It was a guy, with Jeff's company calling to see about setting up an interview. I called him back and he said that he definitely wanted to meet with me Thursday, but also wanted to meet today for a sort of preliminary interview. Well, that sort of sucked for me in a way, because I was absolutely exhausted...this was around 10:30 this morning, and I still hadn't been to sleep from the day before. He wanted to meet at 2pm, so, I laid down for an hour and a half (which coincidently did me, NO good..but I'll discuss that later). Arose w/the help of some of my friends (told them to call/text me to make sure I was up) an hour and a half later, and prepared for my interview. Well, long story short, the interview lasted from 2-3:30. I figure an interview that long has to be a good sign, right? I feel like it went really well. He complimented me on being very 'articulate' lol. I go back on Thursday for another interview with two individuals that I'd be reporting to in the given position. If I get the job, I'd start January 28th. Pray.
I'd applied online, for an administrative assistant position with a bank about a month ago. Never did hear anything about it. Assumed (and you know what assuming can do...) that the position had been filled or that they just weren't that into me (lol). Well, out of the blue, today, I receive a call from an unknown number. Naturally, I do not answer. A minute later, another voice mail. It's a woman from the bank calling about setting up an interview. Unfortunately, when I called her back, the receptionist (or whoever) told me she was on a phone call, I left a message that I'd returned her call, but I haven't heard back from her. And maybe I won't need to :)

You know what they say, the "Lord works in mysterious ways." And "He may not come when you want Him, but He's always on time."

Aside from that, I've still been really consumed by the whole 'Ryan' incident since last week.

"Pain, Is Such A Funny Thing. When It Hurts, It Hurts, But When It Leaves, It Goes...so much better, to hurt a little bit now, than to be so far gone, and hurt a whole lot, tomorrow."

I'm letting it get the best of me, and that's not what 2008 is supposed to be about, really and truly. So, now that I've had five days for it to fester, it's time to put a band-aid on the wound and keep it movin. I've got far more important things to be spending my energy thinking about. Wouldn't you say?

What else? Oh, speaking of things getting the best of me. I'm not sure WHAT to do to conquer this whole insomnia thing. I honestly think medical attention is in order here. Or maybe some over the counter meds until I can get to a doctor (no health insurance at the moment, so that makes doctor's visits sort of a ...no-go). Insomnia..what can I say about it? If you've never had to deal with it, I think it's probably really hard to understand. You think you know, but, you have no idea.

Alright, I'll explain it as best I can. Imagine you're a kid again. And it's summertime. Back in the day, there was one thing all kids looked forward to (and even now, still do..both kids and adults):
Ah, yes. The swimming pool. Or the lake. Or pond. Or fire hydrant. Or maybe even the water hose. Whatever source of water you had available to you. Do you remember how drained you were after spending an entire day in the sun and water? You know, when you're so tired you can feel it weighing your whole face down, not to mention the rest of your body? Well that's how I feel every day/night. So, it's not that I'm not tired/exhausted, I am, trust me.

Uh, so why don't you just lay down and go to sleep.

Alright, let me explain what THAT'S like. So, I get all settled in and cozy. I close my eyes. And here, begins the dilemma. My body itself, feels like a weighted log...very very heavy. You could probably compare everything inside my body, to a racecar track.
I don't just mean that in the figurative sense, like "my mind is going a mile a minute"...I literally mean that my insides feel like they're racing, but they've got nowhere to go, so they just keep hitting walls. My mind, my nerves, everything...just very very jittery. And it's a physical feeling. I can feel my eyes moving around (when they're closed) and everything!

So far the only things that I've found that help are:

Alcohol (which is why Thursday is the only night that I actually sleep at night-well, early morning, when I get in, around 230-3-and for longer than just a few hours)

Sleeping pills (which I am waiting on my pusher to supply me with...j/k...or am I? [insert evil laughter])

Or, what I'm used to, staying awake anywhere from 24-72 hours straight, until I reach a point of exhaustion.

Speaking of which, I'm exhausted now. One would think that after staying awake for such a prolonged amount of time, I'd at least get a decent amount of rest. Not so much. Until 5:30pm today, I'd been awake since I woke up YESTERDAY (the nap that I'd attempted prior to my interview..was a joke, I couldn't sleep at all, mainly because I didn't want to fall into a sleep where I wouldn't hear my alarm/phone when it was time to get up..and in turn, miss my interview). So anyways, I laid down at 5:30 to go to sleep, hoping, for the entire night. I woke up 2 hours later. It's 1:29AM now, and I'm still awake. *SIGH*

I guess now's as good a time as any, to try again...right after this game of Literati... wish me luck (with the sleep attempt, not the Literati, I got that on lock!).

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because Sonic commercials are my absolute favorite!

RMwaaaah

SSS, out!

The Sun Is Somewhere Shining, Even When It Rains...

2008-01-14T20:32:00.000-06:00

"The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, aloop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you willmake it to a place called Success. In your Happy moments, Praise God. Difficult moments, Seek God. Quiet moments, Worship God. Painful moments, TRUST God. Every moment, Thank God."

Currently: Seeking God, 'cause I'm definitely having some difficult moments.

...tired of all life's battles choosing me...

Anyways, that's all for tonight. More tomorrow, possibly.

This week's theme for feature video is FAVORITE COMMERCIALS.

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because any commercial that has the word 'kumquat' is alright with me!

At least I've still got my sense of humor.

RMwaaah

SSS, out.

Temporary Post

2008-01-12T02:42:00.000-06:00

Hey ya'll....

This is just a quick entry to tell you that I haven't forgotten to post, it's just that Thurs-Sat are usually kind of busy, being the weekend and all.

But I WILL be back to post soon....gotta report on what happened Thursday night...whew. (Pix 2 Be Included!)

So, stay tuned!

2008...It's Gonna Be Great

2008-01-09T22:27:00.000-06:00

So, I met up with Jeff earlier. And I feel REALLY great about our meeting. He told me about the company and what all the position would entail, and what's to be expected and all that. Everything sounds GREAT. He's a great guy and I think it would be great to work with him. Not to mention the position itself seems to be well within my spectrum of experience. I think this is exactly what I need, to start the new year off right. But....

...yes, there's a but. There's one slight problem. Back in September, I...I, uh, joined the Navy. Yeah...don't ask. Just know that I did it. Swore in, all that. I'm supposed to ship for bootcamp on June 03, 2008. Well, since September I've sort of decided that that was a hasty decision and although I wholeheartedly think it would be good for me, I just don't think it's for me. If that makes sense. So, I plan, on Saturday to tell my recruiter, it ain't goin' down. Pretty sure you're probably thinking: uh...can you just GET OUT of that, after you've already joined and sworn in? Well, based on what I've read and what I've been told by others, I can. I guess we'll see, come Saturday morning.

Nothing else to report. Only 2 meals to day...but uh, look at what I whipped up for breakfast:

Gawd, it was good. Mmm.

Okay, I think that's about it for today folks. Oh wait...one other thing, I did part 2 of the Vocaburap (*see previous entry for the first video):

And now for tonight's excerpt from he's just not that into you- The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys:

Chapter 1 he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide by half.

Now you being the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have mad for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in. *BEGIN EXCERPT*

THE "MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT TO RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP EXCUSE'

Dear Greg,

I'm so disappointed, I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?

-Jodi

Dear Friendly Girl,

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster-but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if you're dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if could lead to sex, whether it be a "fuck buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves--we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of--and I say this with a lot of love--is how not attracted to you he is. *END EXCERPT*

Ouch. Been there, done that. No more.

Th th th th th th thaaaaaat's All Folks!

FEATURED VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because Kelis Ain't Got NOTHIN On This!

If you didn't laugh [hard] a minimum of three times during that video, then I'm convinced that you've got no sense of humor, whatsoever.

RMwwwaahh.
SSS, out!

Much Ado About...Well, You Know.

2008-01-08T23:26:00.000-06:00

I don't have much of anything to report on today, so, this could be pretty brief.

[insert your Hallelujahs here]

Um. Let's see...ooooh. Remember yesterday's post where I mentioned that I talked to Jeff about a job? Well how about this...last night I was doing something that I'm notorious for [filling out bulletin surveys on myspace] and one of the questions was:

Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?

So, I go into my actual call history..and this is what I see:

So I'm thinkin' to myself, like...um, dude:Clearly confused, I continue to scroll...I counted and uh, I called that number TWENTY-FIVE times.

Sigh. That's just senseless. Will definitely be using KEYGUARD more often. I checked the time stamps and they ranged from exactly 6:15pm to exactly 6:20pm. I called someone twenty-five times, in five minutes, lol. Wow. He had originally called me at ....::PAUSE:: okay...wow. I just made another realization. As I was typing this, I went into my AOL email and I checked one of the emails that he and I exchanged which has all of his contact information, and, the 564 number was NOT one of his numbers. Then it dawned on me...yesterday, my mom was telling me about some job thing one of the local newstations was hosting, where you could call into the station and talk to several employers there...and I remember I had to keep hitting redial and call a couple dozen times before I got through, because it was busy. So...thaaaat's who I called all those times, lol. Doh! Wow, don't I feel like a douche. I guess him not having a clue what I was talking about, when I sent an email apologizing this morning, makes sense now. At any rate...we're meeting tomorrow, yay!

Anywho, like I said, today has been pretty uneventful...as always I didn't go to sleep last night, I finally conked out around 9am this morning. When I laid down, I expected I'd probably wake up around 1, but I must have been REALLY tired, because I actually slept until 3. Woohoo, yay me, a solid 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep. Unheard of.

Aside from getting sleep, not too much accomplished here. I did make a new video though...

It's sort of silly. Well, hell, it's goofy as all get out (but what else is new)..buuuut, it was for a good cause, as you will see, here ya go!

Hey, whatever helps, lol.

I guess that's about it...oh yeah, I did want to start putting some excerpts from 'he's just not that into you: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.' For those of you that haven't heard of it, here's a quick synopsis, courtesy of http://www.wikipedia.org/:

He's Just Not That Into You is a popular self-improvement book written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo and published in 2004. It was a New York Times bestseller and was featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Maybe there's a reader that will get something out of it, but, I'm also posting it for my own sake (read it, write it, memorize it, live by it, lol). So, starting from the beginning (this is from the introduction), here goes:

[so much for being 'brief' ...oh well]

YOU ARE ALL DATING THE SAME GUY

Hey. I know that guy you're dating.

Yeah, I do. He's that guy that's so tired from work so stressed about the project he's working on. He's just been through an awful breakup and it's really hittin ghim hard. His parents' divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can't get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about (*sidebar from SSS-this is the excuse my ex gave me after we broke up...smh...ok, continue reading). He just got a new apartment and the move is a bitch. As soon as it all calms down he'll leave his wife, girlfriend, crappy job. God, he's so complicated.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life. Are there men who are too busy or have been through something so horrible that makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends. For as already suggested, a man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he's just not that into you. That's why we've written this book. We wanted to get the excuses out of the closet, so to speak, so they can be seen for exactly what they are: really bad excuses.

Hey---do you remember that movie when the girl waited around for the guy to ask her out, then made excuses when he didn't? Then she slept with him when they were both drunk, and basically just hung around until they were kind of dating? Then he cheated on her, but because she knew deep down inside that if she forgave him and kept her expectations low and was really agreeable that she'd get him in the end? He was drunk at the wedding but they lived miserably ever after in an unsatisfying relationship that was built on a shitty foundation? You don't? That's because those movies don't get made, because that's not what love is like. People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. Big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your own life. And the more you value yourself, the more chance you'll have of getting it. So read the excuses, have a laugh, and then...put them all to rest. You're worth it.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Food for thought. Masticate on that! Provided I don't get uh...sued for posting these excerpts, I shall continue [and even if I do get sued, hell I'm broke, so I guess I'll just be washing dishes for some years :D ].

Welp, that's all folks. Only thing left now, is today's Featured Video of the Day...and I think the theme this week is, Youtube Videos That I Personally Find To Be Truly H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S:

[**WARNING, NOT WORK, OR KID SAFE DUE TO LANGUAGE**]

Featured Video of the Day-Because there's nothing like watching a crackwhore on a blind date (especially when her date doesn't know what he's in for).

Aside from the very end where they talk about 'next week's episode,' [because that wasn't funny at all], that has gotta be one of the funniest spoofs I've ever seen!

RMwaaah.

SSS, out.

Everything. Simultaneously, Nothing.

2008-01-07T22:59:00.000-06:00

So, I've got good news peoples.

Earlier today, I was doing as I said I would; madly hunting online for a job. I found a few things to submit my resume for:

Administrative Assistant w/a fleet service
Receptionist w/a government contractor
Administrative Support for the city inspection department

Plus, I emailed my resume to a few folks I'd networked with whilst downtown at my favorite spot:

Also, one night a couple months ago, I was having a drink with a friend of mine, at:
It was pretty empty in there, on a...Wednesday night I think. Anyhow, it was just me, my friend, the bartender, and these two other guys. So we all ended up chatting and seeing as how I'm looking for a job, that always comes up in conversation and is usually a good way of networking. So, I exchanged email addresses with the two of them (and we're all actually pretty good friends now). One of them told me that he might actually have a position coming up, and told me to make sure I stay in contact with him. It just so happens that I emailed him an updated version of my resume today. About 3 minutes later, maybe not even that many, he emailed me back and told me to call him. Long story short, I'm going to meet up with him on Thursday sometime to discuss a position as a Project Manager's Assistant. We're going to go over in detail what the position entails and all and if I'm interested, then interviews with 'his people' will follow.

I'm really excited! Wish me luck!

So, that's that.

Remember the video I told you I was making last night? The 'tag' video? Well, it's complete (with the help of Takiyah's creative editing, lol). Here it is:

Crazy, aren't I? Yes, I know this much is true.

As promised, let's discuss my slogan for 2008. You ready?

NO DATES IN 'O8

Yeah. Pretty deep, eh? A little far-fetched, maybe.

Yeah, I was out of touch/But it wasn't because I didn't know enough/I just knew too much/Does that make me crazy?/Does that make me crazy?/Does that make me crazy?

Possibly.

~Gnarls Barkley-'Crazy'

Part of me thinks it's a little absurd, but part of me sees it as a challenge.

But Robyn, WHY???

Well, it's like this....excuse me while I go a little *emo on you for a hot second.

*Sidebar-for those that don't know what I mean when I say 'emo.' When I use it, I mean 'melodramatic' or...'angsty.'

Alright, I'm twenty-six years young. I'm a woman. Fairly attractive. Highly intelligent. Great sense of humor. Diverse. Pretty much, awesome....wait, does that make me sound conceited? Because Lord knows, I am certainly not that, by any measure of the word. BUT, that said, I AM convinced that I'm a good catch and have a lot to offer someone at some point. Generally, I don't do a lot of dating, because, well, there just aren't many people that I meet that I'm interested in spending any extended periods of time with. Like I said in the first entry, I'm not usually [overall] attracted to many people. Which makes me...extra lonely, lol. I mean, I do want that person that I can hang out with and joke around, go out with, or sit at home and watch movies, walk through the mall holding hands or just, whatever. But, I don't want to get involved with anyone just for the sake of filling some void, ya know? Because, well, that's just a waste of time, and I've done enough of that. At this point, I feel like, as cliche' and cornball as it sounds, maybe I need to take some time to be happy ALONE...like, content with being on my own. And maybe if I can attain happiness when I'm by myself, then just think how much happier I will be, when I DO find that person. So, what do you think....a year off to learn to be happy on my own? Or is that a bit much? A whole year? Is it unrealistic?

I'm not sure. Because, there's always that chance that, while doing that, I may pass up someone that's perfect for me.

Que Sera, Sera (What Will Be, Will Be).

Before I leave this subject, let me touch on one thing. I don't want anyone to get it twisted. I'm not at home crying my eyes out because I'm lonely. It's a fleeting feeling/thought. Even when it's pretty consistent, it's not as if I'm just locked up in a dark corner or anything. I'm happy...I'm happy with who I am, and who I'm striving to be. I just know that there's something missing, if that makes sense to you.

Okay, now, let me bring the beat back, lol

I had 3, count em, THREE, meals today! Yay me!

Here's something funny....then again, maybe 'I' just find it funny because my sense of humor has reaching embarrassing levels of immaturity :D

This is from earlier when I was job hunting...yes, I take pictures of just about any and everything(pay attention to the last line before #13):

Aaaaahahahahahahahahaha. Okay, maybe it wasn't that funny, but, I did get a kick out of it.

Anywho, speaking of pics, I have an idea. A few years back, on my xanga, I did this thing where, people could give me either types of people or funny faces, and I'd take a pic of me and post it, in character (using whatever I had around the house). For example: detective, librarian, etc. Or for faces: disappointed, constipated (lol), stuff like that. So tell ya what, submit your pic ideas and if I get enough of them, I'll post em up! Be creative people. I repeat, creative. And don't be on no bull neither...I will not be strippin' or any other retarded mess, lol. K, that's that.

Another thing I think I might start doing, is having a Weekly 'Feature of the Day.' So, like, for this whole week, the feature will be videos. And each day, I'll post a different 'Feature Video of the Day.' May be a music video, a random youtube video, etc...just whatevers. Then next week, the feature of the week may be a picture, or a joke, or, well, you get the point. Anyways, look forward to that.

And well, I guess that's it for me tonight, nothing else to report.

Feature Video of the Day Because this will never stop being funny to me.

Oh Mr. Turner, You're My Hero. Here's to 'keepin it real.'

After these messages, I'll be riiiight bok!

SSS, out.

P.S. On myspace, I posted a survey on my bulletin board. That survey had this question:

What does your last text message say?

My response was:

Before I say...you have to understand that the person the text is from...we exchange really really really, randomly retarded messages. The LAST text message I received said: Do you think daphne performs sexual favors for crack? Cuz I'll get some...

LMAO...I feel like you deserve to see the rest of the messages.
Uh...to see them, go to my blog...sucka!!!!!

Okay, so if you're here to see the rest of that text convo, here's how it went:

Ben: one thing i never understood about scooby doo, do all of them live in that van?
Me: Yes, absolutely. Its pretty spacious inside.
Ben: So 4 people and a giant dog live in a van together?
Me: Yes. And they all do crack when they're not catching masked bad guys.
Ben: Do you think daphne performs sexual favors for crack? Cause I'll get some...
Me: No, but Velma does.
Ben: Not my first choice but oh well she'll do.

And there ya have it. Yeah, we're pretty outrageous, and it's like that ALL the time, lol. Stay tuned for future crazy messages.

SSS, {REALLY} out {this time}.

Maniacal Insomniac

2008-01-06T23:09:00.000-06:00

*WARNING-RANDOM ISH AHEAD!

Would you believe, that from the time I woke up yesterday (Saturday...around noonish), I did not go to sleep until around 2pm today?

Quite ridiculous. And even when I did sleep, I only slept 4hrs, I was back up at six.

Insomnia sucks, I'm here to tell you. Nothing to brag about, if I could sleep like I used to, I'd be in business, I mean, I LOVE sleep, I just don't get enough of it...much like a few other things...*ahem* like, um-er-rum, food, and um, exercise.

I tell ya, this was possibly THE single most boring, uneventful weekend I've had in a long time. It's definitely the first SOBER weekend I've had a in a very long time. Unfortunately, I accidently left my wallet in Florida....so yeah, no driver's license...no funds, until my aunt sends it to me. That explains why I was in the house ALL weekend. And when I say 'in the house,' I mean, I have not stepped ONE foot outside the front door...in, 3 solid days. Wow.

Today, I've felt the most useless. I didn't go to church (that was one of the resolutions)....but, as my mom would say; "Lord willin', and the creek don't rise," I'll be there next Sunday (translation: if it's the Lord's will, and nothing bad happens between now and Sunday, that would hinder me from going, I'll be there). I haven't worked on any music. Haven't read any books...didn't eat 3 meals (I did have 2 though, which is actually a step in the right direction, lol...that is so very sad, lol). Um, yeah, I haven't done squat today.

To my credit though, I did manage to brush my teeth, and shower. Played a few games of literati, with my new literati buddy, Kyley. Check out some of the letters I had...in one instance, I had my name, and in another, well, I'll let you figure it out:

Pretty bizarre, right? Yeah, I know.

What else did I do...um, oh yeah, I was 'tagged' by Takiyah J on Youtube to do one of those '5 Things About Me' videos. It's a done deal, I'll be posting it later, I asked Takiyah to add her editing touches to my video to make it all snazz (that's my new word for 2008). Ohhh, I did a little editing myself earlier and made this:

And other than that, the only other thing I've accomplished today...is writing this blog, lol. At least I'm sticking to it, right?

Tomorrow, I'll be on a major redidication to finding a job. I'm giving myself exactly two weeks, to find a new job. Administrative, that is. If I don't have one, or the promise of one, two weeks from tomorrow, then, Hooters, here I come!

..........................................................done laughing yet?

You may laugh, because, CLEARLY, I'm more likely to be rockin' a shirt like this:

...than one like this:

Ironically enough though, I can't rememember going to Hooter's a single, solitary time, without being recruited to work there...I ALWAYS leave with an application. Always.

So yeah, two weeks to find a 'desk job' (not exactly my cup of tea either, but, until I reach true rockstar status, it'll due), then I just might be hittin' up my local hooters, and maybe a mall job too...gotta do what I gotta do, to get where I wanna be, ya know?

And well, I guess that's about it for now...I wanna tell you about my new slogan for '08...some of you have already heard it...but, I'll save that for tomorrow's post...give you (all what....five of you, lol) a reason to come back.

Oh yeah, one other thing, I think I'm gonna start havin' lil' themes, I used to do that on my xanga site, for instance: song of the day, quote of the day, video of the day, picture of the day, etc.

For now, since it's stuck in my head, I'll leave you with a video of one of my favorite songs in the whole wide world:

VIDEO OF THE DAY: John Mayer-Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

I wanna play guitar like him when I grow up. He kills it, check the end, around 4:45 seconds into it, he KILLS it. I <3 John Mayer! The end.

P.S. I just noticed that the photo I posted the blk n white one didn't show up all the way, there's a 3rd 'me' in the pic with Swagger...oh well.

SSS, out.

Welcome 2 The School of Life: V. 2008

2008-01-04T16:58:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so, here I am.

In an effort to pick up on my writing again, I've created this...rather snazzy (if I do say so myself) blog.

::Cue the balloons, confetti, and noise makers::

I'll be using this space to: b!tch and moan. babble and ramble. shoot the sh!t. be completely and utterly random. um, and whatever else I see fit. If you were ever a frequenter of my xanga (http://www.xanga.com/losttrezher ), then you're already familiar with my style. Except, this time around I think I'll be even more candid. Even more honest. Even more I don't give a f*** if YOU (whoever the YOU might be, at any given time) find this page and read it. Um, even more random. Ultimately, even more entertaining. Enjoy!

Okay, so, now what?

I usually don't 'do' New Year's Resolutions, but, this is 2008, people. And I'm living by a few different themes, one of them being:

1. If you do the things you've always done, you'll have the things you've always had.

So, with that said, here are the things I plan to accomplish in 2008.

Be more selfish. (If you know me, you know what I mean)

Only make time for the people that make time for me (I suggest you do the same)

Hang out in the bar(s) less (to include, drinking less)

Go to church, more...wait, go to church, period.

Find a job (maybe that should have been at the TOP of the list

Continue to dedicate time to my music, and remember that 'good enough' is NOT good enough

READ (I keep buying books, but never make myself read them)

Eat 3 meals a day (thanks, mom)

MOVE to Florida in SIX MONTHS

Grind (as in, work my @$$ off in all that I do, and yield results)

Start a blog...and actually write something, ANYTHING, every day.

I have some others, but, that's the 'meat' of it all. At least I've got half of the last resolution complete.

I guess that's all for now, but, "I'll be bok."

Signing Off,

SSS, out.