Declare Yourself

Four years ago, I voted.

(http://www.xanga.com/LostTrezher/152832209/item.html)

Four years before that, I voted.

Neither time did it turn out the way I would have hoped (or even prayed), but, it has not deterred me from casting my vote in this election.

Today, I will vote.

This, my friends, is a time in history that will be captured (is, and has been), no matter what the outcome. My grandmother is nearly eighty years old, and she voted this year, for the first time in her life. This election has given determination to individuals who have never had faith that their vote would be counted. They’ve not only registered for the first time, but more importantly, exercised their RIGHT to VOTE. I don’t care who you are, you have to admit that that speaks volumes. This election, has restored faith and encouragement to believe in a system that was put in place for the people.

I’m not going to spend my time getting into the politics of this election, because, Lord knows, that’s been done enough over the past several months (hi, my name is Robyn, and I’m a survivor of political burnout, lol). I will say this, I hope that no matter who wins this election, the next president we elect, has it in his heart, to do what’s right BY the people, and FOR the people.

And in case you’re wondering, I have no shame in saying my vote goes to Obama. For those of you who may be ignorantly assuming that his race is what fuels my desire to see him as president…you’re sorely wrong, as you and I both well know what ASS-uming does. Lucky for me, I am (not too toot my own horn, okay, maybe just a little *toot-toot*) an intelligent young woman…more importantly, I’m fair, you’ll never catch me being one-sided (and I can say that with true conviction). I have done my research on BOTH candidates (which far exceeds reading and believing email forwards on either candidate—I’m the person that will get that forward and follow up with some actual research…and nine times out of ten, they prove to be untrue) and am aware of what both *claim* (because let’s face it, until either of them proves it, that’s all it is, a claim) to have to offer America, ALL of America, not just its upper-crust citizens.

Anyways, no matter who you’re voting for, DECLARE YOURSELF, get out and vote.

P.S. I reaaally hope, that no matter who wins, all of the people who have felt so vehemently all this time, about Americans supporting their president, continue to feel this way.

Pay Attention

It's been a while since I've written anything, but, now, I feel compelled.

I've been on God's green earth for a mere twenty-seven years, but I've done a lot, and seen a lot more. I've experienced joys that some people will never know their whole lives, and pains that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. We'd all like to think that we know it all . . . truth be told, we don't even know the half of it. Armed with our shield of common sense, we're quick to dispel any notions of falling victim to life's daggers of stupidity . . . "I'd never do that" . . ."how could he have been so naive?!?" . . ."oh my GOSH, doesn't she have any common sense?!?" . . ."hell, if it were me . . ." . . .but you know, the irony lies in the hypocrisy of those very statements, because, well, we've ALL been there. We've all (at some point) walked into the battle knowing that we'd be going to war, and though in every instance, the choice of turning back was ours all along, still, we trudged forward into the enemy's territory. We knew that our chance of victory was a moderate one, but our BIGGEST hopes usually lie in the smallest glimmer of possibility. When we finally face the enemy and the battle is lost, it really shouldn't come as a surprise, and yet . . .the pain seems to resonate from the core of our very being--because, we knew better all along. And in the aftermath of destruction, we can't help but to want to point the finger; place the burden of fault upon someone else's shoulder . . .but eventually, we all realize that when we point the finger at someone else, there are 3 more pointing right back in our direction. Maybe your enemy is an addiction--maybe alcohol or drugs, or maybe even sex, has you in its grips, and in the beginning, you knew that it would ruin you, but you hoped you could handle it . . .or maybe your enemy is depression or self-depreciation, maybe it's consumed you and turned your life upside down, and in the beginning, you figured it was just a phase, you hoped that you could just deal with it on your own . . .maybe it's a boyfriend/girlfriend that you became involved with and knew they could never be faithful (even if they swore their love for you was stronger than their love for life itself), but you hoped you'd be different, you hoped you'd be worth being faithful to. What/Whoever your enemy is, know this, know that they do not have to be the victor. They may win the battle(s), but it's up to y-o-u, to win the war. Pick yourself UP, dust yourself OFF, let GO of your defeatist attitude, and HOLD ON to God, because NO weapon formed against Him shall prosper. Let it be a lesson, to yourself, and maybe even others. Remember, experience is life's greatest teacher, but it's up to you, to pay attention in class.

Dismissed.

The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same

Well, I'm better than I was when I last blogged..and yet, I'm still not there yet.

I keep thinking back to happier times...



..and I just can't seem to shake him.

I've had the opportunity to date other people. But things just never seem to add up. Either I'm completely not interested or there's some other issues.

One thing I can say about MP is, I never really had trust issues with him. I never worried about him cheating on me. There was one girl that I had my thoughts about, but I never really thought he would do anything with her while we were together, and to this day, I believe that he didn't.

I don't trust easily, especially when I feel that people are not being completely honest with me..as honest as I am with them.

I'm the type of person that when I'm committed to someone, I am just that, committed. Naturally, people are going to approach me. People are going to want to talk to/date me, but, if I'm involved, that's a no-go.

It seems to me that people are never satisfied with what they've got, so they're always open to something better. This is why I don't date. It's exactly why I swore off dating in the beginning of the year. I somehow decided to give it a chance, but I'm definitely having second thoughts about that. I don't want to be crushed again. I don't want to revisit the place that I'm trying to get so far away from. A broken heart is the worst pain that I've ever had to deal with. And you never know what it's like until you've gone through it, and even when you have it's nearly incomprable to the next person. Know what I mean.

Anyways, I saw MP yesterday...and we actually spoke for a few minutes. It wasn't like the other times that we've seen each other and said a maximum of 3 words. We actually had a conversation...nothing deep, but it was nice none-the-less. He starts school today, which made me extremely proud of him, though I didn't express that to him.

Seeing him, talking to him...probably not the best thing for me, being that I'm not over him, but I did enjoy every second of it. I miss him still. I miss being able to openly hang out with him...going out or just chilling inside cuddled up on the couch with Ramsey (his dog).

Why can't I have those days back?

I appreciate myself...I feel that I should be sufficient, well, more than sufficient as a counterpart, so then, how come I'm the only one that feels that way...

Slow Motion 4 Me

So...it's been a while, I figured with the mood I'm in, it's an appropriate time to make a comeback.

I dunno, I'm in a really weird place right now. I'm missing the ex-factor again pretty major. And I haven't a clue as to why, or where this came from. I thought I was doing really good. I mean, it's been....10 months since we broke up. That's an ample amount of time for someone to have moved on, don't you think? So, why is it then, that I haven't?

I'm really not even sure what spawned this onslaught of thoughts of him...there wasn't a real trigger, which makes it even more frustrating.

To be honest, I'm not even sure that I miss him so much as I miss the company. I mean, aside from my being at work, we spent every single waking moment together. If I was at work 20% of the time, I was with him the other 80%. After him, I spent a good bit of my time regaining my myself by spending it out drinking. Not healthy, but, hey, it's helped to pass the time. But, even that gets old after a while. And in the aftermath, you're left stuck with yourself again. Stuck with the thoughts of the past. Stuck with the questions that have never been answered. Stuck with the disappointment of having started anything in the first place, and stuck with the regret of having it all come crumbling down around you.

I find myself questioning my own worth. I know that I'm a good catch, I do. But, you hear all these compliments all the time..."you're so pretty"..."you're so smart and talented"..."you're so much fun"...you hear all that, all the time, and you're left wondering why none of that has ever been good enough for anyone. Or, maybe I shouldn't say anyone...maybe instead, I should say, good enough for anyone that I'm interested in. Reciprocity, I long for it. And I think, in vain. I've forever, or at least for as long as I can remember, had this lingering feeling that I'll grow old, and alone. I don't know why I've always felt that way...and, I've had plenty of friends and family try to dispute that fact, but in the end, it's just the way I feel. And, with each failed relationship (though few, they may be), I feel that that destiny is just further being solidified. Maybe I'm wrong, for the love of God, I hope I'm wrong. That's really all I can do, is hope, and of course, pray.

Maybe my day will come, maybe as I imagine, it won't. In the meantime, I'm just trying to figure out what the best way to cope is. I find the solution to my sorrows at the bottom of several glasses of wine, or beer, or whatever shot I'm taking...maybe that's a trait I picked up from my alcoholic ex...but doing that, only creates more problems because it leads me to make decisions under impaired judgement, which undoubtedly only adds fuel to the fire. Filling voids, can only lead to more voids. I deserve more, right? I know I do.

I'm not the type of girl that feels like she needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy, but on the other hand, it's always nice to know that someone enjoys your company without the promise of sex to follow. To be quite honest, I really don't even know if I would want to cruise down Relationship Highway, because it's usually even more of a headache than being alone. But, there are things I miss. I hate being a girl about things, and, before me and the ex-factor began dating, I was in a place where I appreciated my singularity. I was content. And I didn't need anyone...I never planned to let him in at all...it just sort of snuck up on me. HE, just sort of snuck on me. Damn him for that. Damn me for allowing him to sneak up on me like that.

*Sigh*

I suppose I'm done ranting for the moment. I'll get over it, honestly, maybe I'm just pmsing. I'll check back in a week or so with my progress, and then we'll know.

Til then....

SSS, out.

Soon And Very Soon

...I'll be back soon. I've got a lot to say, just not sure where to start...seem to be having that problem a lot lately.

Just be patient w/me. Thanks.

It's About That Time

....new entry soon, promise.

Can 'O Worms

Yeah...that's what I got myself when I allowed open questioning...

First things first though, Happy Singles Awareness Day (SAD) to all!

Second, I went to see my future home [hopefully] yesterday after work. Here's the info:

850 sq. ft.

Wood Burning Fireplace

Customized Closets Throughout

FREE Basic Cable

Dishwasher, Disposal, Refrigerator w/Ice maker, Stove/Microwave

12x16 Master Bedroom

Garden Tub (access to bathroom from bedroom and living room)

Large Covered Patio With Swing

Access to 2 Pools & Clubhouse

Car Wash Area

Volleyball Court

Tennis Court

So, the only thing left to do, is turn in this credit application (ahhhh, scary...damn those student loans....and my lack of concern to pay them back!!)

Let's cross our fingers on that one. If I get approved, I plan to move in March 15th. Woot!

What else? Oh yeah, this'll be my last post until...probably Monday, possibly Sunday depending on what time I get back.

And I guess that's enough with the preliminaries, I'm sure you're here to read the 'Questions & Answers' segment...or, my 'can o' worms.' So here goes:

Requisitioner: Sean
Question: Will you marry me? No need to keep me anonymous...I want the world to know that you're the most dee-zeye-ur-abel wo-man on the planet earff! :) lol
Answer: YES!! Absolutely...as long as you promise that we can have our wedding reception at McDonald's and I can have alllll the value meals I want...AND supersize em (even though I don't think they supersize anymore, make it happen!). Oh and our wedding cake has to be made out of McDonald's apple pies. Witcher sessy self!! :)

Requisitioner: Ebony
Question: What do you think God's purpose is for you?
Answer: Well, to be quite honest, I've got a few ideas, but I'm not sure which is His purpose for me, or whether or not it could be all of them. As we all know, I'm am pretty deeply in love with MUSIC and I think there's GOT to be a reason for that. Maybe I am supposed to be honing my playing/writing skills so that I can let music be my voice, maybe effect some people's lives using that avenue. That's what I want anyhow. Other than that, I think I'm a great listener and a good advice giver...mostly because I don't take sides, I tend to analyze an entire situation and give my honest opinion. My friends, I think, really appreciate that. So, maybe I was put here to be a good friend, sort of a simple task, but I think to those that I am friends with, it means a lot.

Requisitioner: Marlin
Question: Do you only date white guys? If so, why? And how did you forget my birthday?
Answer: For one, you can't count...that's THREE questions. But uh, good question, I'm sure a lot of inquiring minds would like to know this answer. NO, I do not exclusively date white guys (I honestly don't even have a preference). But I'll explain a little further. I think this sort of goes back to my childhood. I grew up a military brat, which means I was exposed to backgrounds-a-plenty. I was never around JUST black folks, or ANY one particular group. Growing up my friends ranged in race...at one point my best friend was a black girl named Olasha...next was Lucy, a Korean chick...a Puerto Rican chick named Michelle when I lived in Panama...a white girl named Sarah when I lived in Hawaii (Happy Birthday Sarah--she's STILL one of my best-friends)...I had friends of Samoan descent, Chinese, Fijian, Filipino, I mean, you name it, I knew 'em. I wasn't really solely surrounded by black culture until my stint at Alabama A&M University...and it was like a whole new world. One I loved, but at the same time...in the aftermath of it all, I found that I had to lose myself in order to fit in. Musically (and pretty much all around) I've always been really diverse...when I was at A&M, if I had friends riding in my car, or even riding down the block with my windows down and music blasting, if I was listening to Creed, or Alanis, or Third Eye Blind...I always got ragged on. So, I stopped listening to that stuff and started bumping a lot of hip-hop. Anyways, after some time of feeling less than myself, I finally realized that I'm never going to please everyone, I've got one life and I've got to live it for me, and up to my standards, no matter what questions it may raise in others. So, that's just a little background information. Who I date, has a lot to do with where I hang out and the things I'm interested in. I'm usually in the downtown area, and around here, that's predominately white. So, that's who I get approached by. I'm not opposed to dating anyone of any race, so long as there is a mutual attraction involved. Literally, I've dated just about every 'type' of guy there is and that's not limited to race. I'm equal opportunity baby! Next, I didn't FORGET your birthday, I never knew it (despite what you may THINK), so ha!

Requisitioner: Joe
Question: How long can you go without having sexual relations with a man?
Answer: Uh was the 'with a man' specification really necessary? lol. Anyways, I think the longest I've actually gone w/out was a year...I don't remember, it was one or two years. At least one year though I know for sure. As far as how long I COULD go, I'd say that's sort of up in the air...however long I deem necessary I guess.

Requisitioner: Maurice
Question: Did you get some last night?
Answer: No.

Requisitioner: Kel B.
Question: Me & another bandmate who shall remain nameless, are interested in knowing when was the last time you had sex?
Answer: The last time I 'got some' was not more than 8 weeks ago...if you two ever bothered to read my blog...and read of 'run-ins' with "Ryan" that could put you in the ballpark.

Requisitioner: Candice
Question: What's the difference between loving someone, and being in love?
Answer: I'm certainly NO expert in this area...but...I have dated and had love for/loved a few guys. But there was something totally different about being IN love with MP. And I'm not even sure I can put it into words, it's moreso something FELT...something you just KNOW. And it sort of sneaks up on you and in a single second you just realize that it's there. I think loving someone, is having a deep and genuine concern for them and their well-being. Being IN love, you're more likely to accept/put up with things that you would otherwise, eighty-six someone were it any other individual. Like I said, I honestly can't really explain it, it's just something you know. And sometimes you don't even realize it until much later...when you have something to compare it to. Hopefully that wasn't too ass-backwards of an answer.

Requisitioner: Jose
Question: When are you coming to New York.
Answer: I'm not sure. I want to make it before the year is out though.

Requisitioner: Rachael
Question: If you could kiss anyone, who would it be, and why?
Answer: Pharrell Williams. Hands down like 6:30. Why? Because he's MY 'Ideal' guy, has been for yeeeeeeeeears. Plus, just LOOK at him AND those inviting lips!

Requisitioner: Bab
Question: What would you do on a 24hour date?
Answer: Well, that's sort of a broad question, considering I don't know if I have location and/or fund limitations...and seasonal/weather info. But, I'll assume you mean around my neck of the woods, and I'm gonna say this is a summer date. Well, for what I'd want to do, it'd probably be best to skip breakfast...so, maybe meet up around 8, and drive to Pell City for skydiving. We'd arrive around 10 or 11...give an hour for paperwork and training...jump...grab a late lunch at my favorite restaurant California Pizza Kitchen. Drive back to Huntsville...it's about 4 or so now...rent some movies and go to the grocery store to pick up some items to cook for dinner...make dinner together and watch movies. The end. Viola!

Requisitioner: Giovanni
Question: Can you tell me what this formula is used 4: Fnet= (M1-M2)g = DMg
Answer: No, I sure in the hell cannot.

Requisitioner: Erica
Question: Have you ever had butt sex?
Answer: First of all, I hate you for asking me this question. Second, I hate me for promising to answer all questions. And third, I hope my mother never comes across this particular entry. Ugh...alright, I consider myself to be a pretty open-minded person, but there are just some things that I deem as unnatural...and having ANYTHING going INTO what's only made for things to come OUT of, is one of them. However, I did once let the ex-factor talk me into 'trying' it, which only took about .5 seconds (literally) to confirm that it was not something I was interested in.

Requisitioner: Errick
Question: If the way you died was an explanation for the way you lived, how would you kick the bucket?
Answer: Drunk? KIDDING. Okay, seriously. That's probably the best question that ANYONE posed to me. Definitely the most difficult to answer. I'd probably get killed playing electric guitar in the rain. At least I'd die doing something I love, and am known for.

Requisitioner: Wayne
Question: Do you still luv me even though I don't live there?
Answer: Of course, you're my boy forever!

Requisitioner: Swoll
Question: How am I so fortunate to have such a beautiful, talented friend like you in my life? Why do you love me so? Out of all of my friends, when you tell me "I Love You" I feel it, and I know you ain't lying.
Answer: Hey, it's an easy question! First of all, thank you. Second of all, the truth is, you're not the lucky one, I am. Thirdly...why do I love you so? Because you know me. You KNOW-ME-KNOW-ME. Whatsmore, you know me, and you STILL love and accept me IN SPITE OF ME. You don't sugar-coat anything for my benefit. Before I tell you about something, I pretty much already know your response, and vice versa. We could go for a whole year without talking, and pick back up right where we left off, without skipping a beat. On the same note, we could go months without talking and then out of the blue,when something is bothering you, without even having talked to you, I will get this innate aching that's something is wrong, and I'll check in with you...and sure enough, there'll be something that you're going through. Some people are just born friends, we are that. God knew I needed you in my life, and vice versa. I love you because I was born to love you and I always will.

Requisitioner: Ari
Question: If you got pregnant from a one night stand, would you keep the baby?
Answer: Throughout my life, there's a LOT of lessons I've learned...none more important than to remember not to state what you'd "never" do. I don't know WHAT I'd do in that situation. I'd hope that I'd make wiser decisions that would avoid putting myself in that situation to begin with. But, no one is perfect. I'd also hope that, if I DID find myself in such a precarious situation, that I'd make the decision to keep the baby, because I don't condone abortion. On the other hand, I can't say what I'd "never" do. Because there have been far too many things that I HAVE done that I swore I never would. I guess I'm human afterall.

Requisitioner: Honorae aka "Ray Ray Jankins" lmao
Question: What made you start doing music?
Answer: Simple answer. My love for music. Five years ago, as a joke, a friend of mine wrote a blog in "my" voice (he wrote it as if to say "here's an example of one of Robyn's blogs)...within that blog he wrote, he said:

"...On a serious 'note' I love music! music was my refuge when I was younger(and still is). I would crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. It just takes me to a place where I feel safe..."

I'd say even though he was being sarcastic, that pretty much sums it up for me. THAT is the kind of power that music has in my life. It lives in my bones and resonates in my soul.

Requisitioner: Neal
Question: What do you do in your room when you're all alone?
Answer: 85% of the time, I'm sitting at the computer, with my back to the tv. If I'm on the computer, I'm either surfing ebay, myspace, http://www.sofreshforums.com/, ah, chatting, making youtube vids, whatevers...also, at least one of my guitars is usually sitting beside me, so between surfing and waiting for pages to load, I'll randomly pick up the guitar and strum a tune. The other 15% of the time, I'm in bed. If I'm laying down, I'm either watching tv, on my way to sleep, asleep, or just waking up. Sorry for such a 'boring' answer, but, I promised to tell the truth..and that's the God's honest truth :)
And well, I think that concludes the question/answer session. Hopefully I've answered all your questions to a fair degree. If not, get over it :)
Anyways, you hooligans enjoy the next three-four days without me, actually, I just MIGHT post tomorrow if I have time. If not, I'll 'see' ya when I get back.

VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because it's the holiday of love..and this is one of my favorite love songs:




Love ya'll.

RMwaaaaaaaaaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Stupid Cupid

I’ve been one day ahead all week. Monday, I thought it was Tuesday, Tuesday I thought it was Wednesday, and today, I feel like tomorrow should be Friday. I wish the week would catch up with my mind, lol.

Speaking of tomorrow…it’s Valentine’s Day. I think it’s my least favorite holiday, in fact, I know it is. It always seems like just another reminder to the single people of the world, of what they don’t have. I get sick of seeing the commercials, sick of hearing about it, period. I have never had a good, meaningful Valentine’s Day...yeah, and I'm twenty-six years old. I remember the year that JB and I were dating…I spent Valentine’s Eve being creative with his gift, I made him up a gift basket of his favorite things, threw in some special customized coupons I’d thought up, and wrote out one of the most heartfelt cards ever. I didn’t hear from him until around 10pm on Valentine’s Day when I received a call from him saying:

“I got your gift, you want it, or what?”

Yeah…not so much. And need I mention that there never actually was a gift? Not that that's what matters, because I'm one of the least materialistic people you will ever meet, I just like knowing that I'm thought of, it really is the thought that counts, as cliche as that may sound. Anyways, last year wasn’t so bad. Actually it was kind of nice, an internet friend of mine drove up from Atlanta and took me to dinner and a movie. It was a little awkward because we hadn’t met previously. It wasn’t a romantic type connection, but, it was nice to have gotten to meet him after so many years and also to have someone to chill with on the dreaded holiday. This year, I’m not all bugged out by it, I’m just like ‘eh, whatever’, I’m gonna have Ladies Night with the girls, and call it a day, that’s ALWAYS guaranteed fun. So, I’ve spoken my piece on that.

Oh wait, I almost forgot. A couple months after MP (the ex-factor) and I broke up, I was still all tore up about it...I wrote him a letter and sealed it in an envelope. I told myself that if I still felt the same way 6 months from that day (which would be THIS month), then I'd give him the letter on Valentine's Day. Now, the feelings I felt, and everything I wrote, was real...he is the one guy that I can say I actually fell IN love with. However, as much, much time has passed, I've come to realize that just because you love someone, doesn't mean you can/should be with them. At any rate, since he'll never see the contents of that letter and since I promised to be candid when I created this blogsite, I'm going to share the actual letter with you (*save for changing some names):

Happier Times

Dear M,

I'm not sure what this letter is for, righteously, I'm not sure it's even for/to you. I think I'm just writing because sometimes it's just good to get things out on paper. You can't visualize feelings, but you can visualize words, and maybe that's the purpose of this letter (if you can call it a letter). Let's see. I'd say it's been roughly two months or so since things went sour between the two of us.

At first, I was just disappointed and felt rejected. Then I think I felt a bit desperate and hurt, and I continued to reach out to you, in vain. Then I think I was depressed, because I was confused by the whole turn of events and therefore questioned my own self-worth. It got pretty bad, like, yeah, bad. I became pretty despondent & engaged in some pretty self-destructive behavior, and I didn't care. Everywhere I went, everything I did, there was something relevant to some memory of you, or, just you in general. I'd meet people, and then find out that they were somehow connected to you. It got to a point where I was seeing *Amy (his ex-wife) out every weekend, or I was seeing your car somewhere, and it just sucked for a while. But, eventually, things got a little easier and I kind of fell back into my old routine.

Dating kind of helped, but, that said, not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought of you. And then I found out about the whole *Brittany situation, and I've gotta tell you, I was (pulling out your favorite word) F*CKING pissed. Oh my gosh, you just don't know. I'm actually still pissed about that. Not so much that you found someone else to screw (date, whatever), not even so much that that 'someone else' was *Brittany, but, mainly because I specifically asked you about an attraction to her, and you lied. "Pssh, what?!? No, she's got nothing on you, I assure you…. you have nothing to worry about…and plus, I'd never do that to *Brian (his best friend, who was dating *Brittany)." Talk about eating one's words. So yeah, it just sucked finding out the REAL reason behind everything, instead of you just telling the truth. My initial thought was, revenge. And while I am extremely creative, I'm not the vindictive type at all. I did, however, fully intend to curse you the hell out, upon first sight. And it so happened that I got that opportunity last week. Unfortunately, I was completely & utterly trashed, with a capital T. So, when I saw you, I couldn't think quick enough to lay it on you. Instead, I continued w/what I was doing, and tried blocking you out. The whole while though? My heart was in my throat. Or, stomach. Not sure which one. And it's really, like, frustrating and confusing. Because I am positive that as I sit and ponder over what was, and what could have been…you've gone on since that day two (almost three) months ago without a second thought about me. That's what's frustrating. Knowing that I've got these feelings for someone that has lost all interest in me being with me, is less than thrilling, to say the least. And confusing, is WHY? Why DO I have an interest in you? What did you do that was so great? You were nice, yes. But you're not the nicest. Very attractive. But not the most attractive, etc. So, why? I still don't know. What I do know, is how I felt when we were together. No matter what we were doing…whether it was watching tv, eating, swimming, kissing, laying in bed together, or sitting in silence…no matter who was around, whether it was *Evan, *Brian, *Brittany, your neighbors, your parents, *Sammy (his dog) or just the two of us…didn't even matter where we were, I always felt I was where I needed to be. I felt completely comfortable. Not in the sense that "oh my God, we belong together, we have to be in some sort of super serious exclusive relationship," but in the sense of "I like you a lot, you make me happy, let's go with it." I've never ever been hung up on a guy like I have been with you. It's so much easier to have the "two tears in a bucket, and fuck it," kind of attitude. And yet, tried as I may have, I have still been unsuccessful, even now. Two/three months after the fact, plus finding out about *Brittany. As disgusted and appalled at that as I was. Even after reflecting over the alcohol thing, I'm still not over it. Don't get me wrong, it's not nearly as consuming as it was before…hell, it's not even so much 'consuming' as it is 'consistent.' It kind of reminds me of this song called "Do You"…it goes like this:

Maybe this decision was a mistake
Probably don't care what I have to say
But it's been heavy on my mind for months now
Guess I'm tryna clear some mental space
I would love to talk to you in person
But I understand why that can't be
I'll leave you alone for good, I promise
If you answer this one question for me
*I just won-der
Do you e-ver
Think of me…
...Any-mooore…
...Do you…

One thing I will not wonder, is if I was completely honest w/you, and foremost, myself. I've come to the conclusion, M[ ] P[ ], that I am in love with you. There, I said it. I don't know the first thing about love, what it's supposed to be/feel like, hell, I've told myself that I don't believe in love (not the romantic kind anyhow), but…I know that I've got this indescribable feeling for you, that I've never had for anyone else I've ever dated (and I've had much longer-lasting relationships than the one we had). So, I guess that's it. What's my point? I'm still not sure. I think I'll fold this letter & seal it in an envelope. Six months from now, if I still feel the same way, then I will know it's not just some fleeting feeling, or because I'm just on the receiving end of being 'let go.' So, if you're reading this letter, then it's true, I love you. That's probably one of the scariest things I've ever said/admitted (and I didn't even have to say it out loud). And in admitting this to you, I'm hoping you're not like "Ohhh my gawd, it's been umpteen months, and this girl is STILL jockin', what a psycho." Because that is precisely what I've thought about in the past about some of my exes that were still calling and asking to get back together, months, even years after the fact. But now, I understand, I think. Please believe, I'm not psycho, I'm not super desperate, I'm honestly not even asking to get back together w/you (or see you, or even talk to you). I guess I just feel that if I feel it then, you should know it. Life is extremely short and unexpected. I don't like to LIVE with (and certainly don't want to die with) regrets, and not telling someone I feel that I'm in love with, that I'm in love with them, is not going to be one of my regrets. So that's it M, this is more for me, than it is for you, no response is necessary…just having you know, is enough.

Sincerely,

RSM

Yeah...so, pretty heavy, eh? Talk about bearing one's soul. I'm definitely glad I made the decision to wait six months, as opposed to giving it to him then.

Anyways, enough about that.

The stupid condo lady did not call me the other day…I’m gonna call her today, because I reaaaally wanna see it! If that doesn’t pan out, there’s a couple of places I have in mind. I’m just ready to have my own space. I love living at home, don’t get me wrong…my mom is the one ‘best-friend’ that I know I can always count on and always has my best interest at heart . . .and we get along fine, we don’t fuss or fight or argue (well, if we do, it’s very very rare), so it’s not like I’m in a bad situation, but, it’s just something about having your own that's a lot different than living at home, ya know?

In other news, I only have 8 more car payments until my car is paid off (well, I’m gonna try to pay it off in less than that)…do you KNOW how great it is gonna be to have that extra $250/month in my pocket (yeah, $250 for a Cavalier, I definitely got ripped off).

Yes, things are looking up for Robyn in 2008.

On another note. I'm with T-Mobile, right, have been for the past faithful 6 years. Anyone that's known me for half a millisecond knows that I'm ALL about my Tmobile Sidekick...I've had one since the first version...well, all good things must come to an end. I get tired of losing my 'G' here lately, and the fact that after all this time, Danger/Tmo really haven't added much, technology wise...I mean there's an MP3 player now, but, whoopdie doo. I have two separate contracts with Tmo, one which is strictly for my sidekick (no phone plan on that one...I've never wanted to hold that big thing up to my ear), and one for my regular celly. My cell contract was up on the 17th of last month, but the sidekick won't be up until October of this year. I want the I-phone now. So, I will get that to replace my regular celly and I'll also have the sidekick until October, then I'll be eighty-sixin' it and I'll have one device for everything, yaaaay. Look at it, isn't it delightfully wonderful:

I’ve got an idea for my next entry…so, stay tuned, it’ll be less random than my usual entries. As for now, I think I’ve said all I’ve got to say. Peace, love, and hair grease!

P.S. Speaking of deviating away from the norm...if there's anything you want to hear me talk about, or anything you'd like to get my opinion on, feel free to drop me a line, style.substance.swagger@gmail.com and I'll address it in the blog, if it's personal, just lemme know and I'll protect your identity :)

Oh yeah, and for those of you that comment, I just wanna send a special shout-out/thank you to let you know you're certainly appreciated!! Love ya'll!

VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because aside from me, this girl is master of emotion--plus she's got an amazing voice!! She killed this song (especially at the end)!!






RMwaaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Long Time Comin’

Okay, so I’ve been slacking majorly on the posting lately, and for those of you that actually enjoy and look forward to readin’ my blog, I apologize. I’ve just been so busy...having FUN! On that note, I’ll fill you in on the day by day activities since I last left you (this is gonna be long, so at least I’m making up for my absence!)...which I believe was about two weeks ago, on a Thursday night.

I met up with Brandi that night, at Humphreys. We snagged a table and ordered drinks and some food. Another regular, we’ll call him ‘C’ was there, and standing at our table rehashing my err…tequila-driven actions from the previous weekend. In, walks one of his friends, ‘J’ and he’s with a girl, that I immediately recognize as familiar. I’m not exactly sure HOW I know her, but I’ve got an idea. They sort of pass by the table, and head to the bar, speaking to ‘C’ in the process. Drink in hand, the girl moseys over from the bar, to our table, pulls out the chair beside me, and sits down. She introduces herself as “Lo” to Brandi, and then to me. I respond with… “don’t I know you already?”

She sort of stares at me a couple seconds and then exclaims; “MP!”

*NOTE: MP are the initials of my ex.

Now, it’s confirmed how I know her. I’ll give you a little background information. There were three instances that I’d run into this girl. I dated a guy last year for about two or three months. From one day, to the next, things went from near perfection, to...just, I don’t know. We suddenly went from hanging out every single day and every single night (I mean, I may as well have been living with him, that’s how often I was there, the only time I wasn’t, was when I was at work, or, getting more clothes from home), to barely communicating, much less hanging out. He had some underlying issues that I guess he needed to deal with, to this day, I’m not sure. ANYWAY, he explained to me that he didn’t feel as though he had anything to offer anyone right now...and I’m too nice a girl to...blah blah blah. Now, given that explanation, you can imagine my surprise when one night I was walking a friend to her car after a night at Humphreys, and we’re laughing and joking on the way to the car, and we run into another girl who sort of began to joke with us…it went something like this…

[insert random laughter/jokes]
Me to aforementioned girl: girl, do you even know where you’re parked???
Girl: [laughing] ohh, I didn’t drive, MP did.

At which point, I think my face sort of fell. And I’m guessing it showed.

Girl: Uh oh…do you know him?

Before I could even respond, a few yards away, walking down the sidewalk, is MP. He throws up one arm and says; “yo, let’s go” …I don’t know if he saw me, or not. Off she walked in his direction, they got in his car, and that was that. I was, well, livid. I felt like I’d been lied to…like he hadn’t been forthcoming about why we’d broken up. I should’ve let it go, but, I felt that I deserved the truth…and, well, I’d been drinking, so, I called him. He didn’t answer of course, I left him a message. He called me back much later that morning, around 4 in the morning, I was asleep. He called again later that day. I missed both calls. I called him back, he didn’t answer. We played phone tag like that for a while.

About 2 weeks later, on a Sunday night, at my best-friend’s urging, I text him to see if he was out. Turns out he was. I ended up going to the bar he was at, so that we could finally talk. Beforehand, I asked if he was out alone, and he said he wasn’t. I wasn’t going to go after that, but he kept texting asking if I was coming. So I asked if it was going to be alright with whoever he was with, if I were to show up. He assured me it’d be fine, in fact, his exact response was “f*** yeah.” So I show up, turns out he’s with the parking lot girl, and another one of his girl friend’s, ‘K’ (this one, I know). We step outside to talk…at one point, he’s got to use the restroom, so he excuses himself. It was pretty cold out, so after a couple of minutes, I decided to wait for him inside…at which point, I realized I needed to go to the bathroom, which was located down in the basement. As I’m going down the stairs, he and the parking lot girl were coming up. I could tell that there was some tension between them. From the bathroom, I could hear them talking on the steps, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. When I ascended from the steps, they were both standing in front of the door…he sort of threw his hands up, and she walked out. A few minutes later, I think he went after her, he was gone a long while before he came back.

The third instance, was on Halloween night, which was about a week later. I was walking down the sidewalk towards Humphreys, when on the other side of the street, I thought I spotted Mike. I ask Laura if that’s him… “yep, that is Mike.” We make it across the street and are walking towards him, he’s with parking lot girl and ‘K’ again. Laura says “Hiiiiiii Mike” and I say “Yeah, hi Mike”….he speaks or whatever, and parking lot girl says “hiiiiiiiii Mike” in this mocking voice. It made me SO mad. I avoid confrontation because I just am not into drama (though it seems to follow me), but I was ready to confront this girl that night. Laura sort of dragged me into Humphreys, so no other words were exchanged.

I didn’t see her again after that. Until Thursday night two weeks ago, when she sat down at our table. More on that…

So we start talking about the night we met in the parking lot, which, she doesn’t really remember. We talk a little about MP, just generally, nothing in depth. And then we just shoot the sh!t about nothing in particular. Turns out she’s a pretty awesome and fun person. So much in fact, that when Brandi and I prepared to leave Humphrey’s, to head down to Sammy’s, we asked her if she wanted to join us, which she did. We partied hard that night, and I paid for it Friday…felt like crap all day long, lol. **Will Insert Pix Later**

Ah, that Friday night, I didn’t do anything, just spent the night recovering from the night before. Saturday, I headed down to Birmingham for a Real World open casting call @ Zydeco. It wasn’t as much fun as the one I’d attended in Nashville a couple years ago (you can read about that, here http://www.xanga.com/LostTrezher/36616252/item.html), but maybe because I was by myself. They were supposed to have been doing call backs that night, for the following day, but I didn’t receive one so, no Real World for me, lol. After the casting call, I drove about an hour and a half, to Prattville to catch Michael’s show @ The Blue Iguana. Great show, not a great crowd or location, but as far as the talent goes, Michael and the boys never disappoint.

RW Casting Call @ Zydeco-Birmingham, AL-02.02.08

Michael Warren Band @ The Blue Iguana-Prattville, AL-02.02.08

Sunday night, Lo called me and said she was meeting up at Crossroads with MP, E (a good mutual friend of mine), and E’s gf and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up with them. After making sure she’d cleared it with MP, I agreed. We all hung out, and oddly enough, it wasn’t awkward at all. Even after E, E’s gf, and MP left, Lo and I hung out for the rest of the night. I ended up crashing at her place, and went to work the next morning in some clothes her roommate provided me, lol.

Monday was spent recovering again.

Tuesday, I went to vote after work, woohoo! And later that night, Lo and I headed downtown for the Mardi Gras events. Boy, what a night. I guess there were two things that sort of stood out about that night. The first, was Lo & I running into MP out on a date. The irony never ceases…on top of that, at some point, I think Lo suggested we go bug MP for a drink (this was at a bar, so it wasn’t a romantic date anyhow)…what should have been an awkward moment (but wasn’t at all...which is weird), followed, it went something like this:

Lo: let’s go get MP to get us a drink
Me: what? no…plus he’s on a hot date
Brandi: man, f*** a MP
Lo: [looks at me] we already did that!

And then we burst into hysterical laughter. Wow, just wow. The second thing that happened involved a straw thief (yeah, so you know it’s gonna be interesting). This is what happened…

I'd brought both of us these super cool blue bendy straws (can be seen in photos). So, we both have our straws…and then, suddenly, only I have my straw. We eventually figured that she must have dropped hers when she was giving me a piggy back ride up the stairs (uh, don't ask). So we go back downstairs to look for it. We spot a guy and a woman (and I say woman, because this wasn't like…some teeny bopper here), and the woman, is holding our straw. So we walk over and POLITELY ask if they happened to have found that straw. The guy openly admits he found it. The woman says "if both of you kiss him, then I'll give it back" …I'm like…wtf, why should we have to do ANYTHING to get something back that already belongs to us?? (not to mention, why is she trying to get us to kiss the guy SHE is with..freaking weirdo). We go back and forth, because obviously, we're not gonna bend, and neither is she. I eventually get fed up with the back n forth banter, and I say "forget this, let's go get Larry" (security, whom I know very well). So, Lo and I go and explain to Larry, the whole situation, we follow him back to where this woman is. Now HE'S going back and forth with her…she keeps saying "this is MY straw…I know the law…I know the law…blah blah blah" (apparently, she knows the law, lol). At this point, to me, it's not longer about the straw, it's like…you KNOW this does not belong to you, why are you hoarding it? I was SO pissed…so I made a move to snatch the straw out of her hand, but she had some sort of intense Hong Kong Phooey Kung Fu Grip on it…I couldn't wrestle it out of her hand, so then we BOTH had the kung fu grip going. She's yelling "you're assaulting me, you're assaulting me…I know the law (of course)"…Lo pulls me away, and tells me to just forget about it. The woman is not content with just giving us the straw back, but she's okay with Larry MAKING her throw it away (guess she figured if she couldn't have it, none of us would—she was wrong), at which point, Lo retrieved it out of the trashcan, gave it to the bartender who sanitized and rinsed it off and gave it back to us. Never a dull moment, I swear. Oh, and Larry kicked the chick out (which we cleverly avoided, lol), yaaay! Team RoLo wins again! After Crossroads, we went back to Humphreys, and then from Humphreys to 3rd Base and then finally, home. **Will Insert Pix Later**

I don’t remember doing anything Wednesday night, probably recovering again. Thursday night was the official ladies night as usual. This time, it was me, Lo, Lil Bit, Brandi, Lauren, Toni, and Toni’s friend Jane. Awesome time, as usual. Too awesome of a time I think, I paid for it Friday…I was an hour and 10 minutes late! Oops. It was okay though, I didn’t get into any trouble, they (the bosses) actually thought it was funny “soooo, what’d YOU do last night Robyn? Need some aspirin?” Like I keep tellin’ ya, alcohol is the devil, lol.

Speaking of Friday, and pay...I got my first check on Friday, wooooooooooot! I can't even describe to you how fulfilling it is, to receive a check that I worked for...ya know? That's one helluva feeling. Sitting at home and collecting unemployment was nice for a while, but, there's nothing like having EARNED money. Oh, and even better, I get paid weekly, woooooooooooot!!! Like McDonald's, I'm lovin it!

Ah, Friday night, I didn’t get into anything. I stayed at home taking my [micro]braids down for my appointment Saturday morning. After my appointment, I dropped my car off to get my new speakers installed (yeeeeeyuuuuh) and then spent the rest of the day riding around with my mom. We found a 1bdrm condo that I’m super excited about! I’m supposed to go look at it today after work, hopefully it’ll be my future home! Saturday night, I met up with Lil Bit downtown @ Humphreys. We hung out there a while waiting for Lo to show, so that we could all go to the NFL party @ Crossroads…which she never did show, lol. Lil Bit and I opted to NOT go to the party when we found out it was gonna be $20, I’m sorry, but I’m not paying that to see the same folks I can see around town for free. So instead we headed to The Horse…where Brandi, her friend with blue hair, and eventually LO, met up with us. Afterwards, Lo and I went to Ihop, where we had a jolly ol’ time and a good meal…and finally, I arrived home a few minutes after 5am. **Will Insert Pix Later**

Sunday (yesterday), I slept until 2pm (can you blame me?). Then I got up, cleaned n stuff, and caught the 4:15 showing of “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins” with mom and sis. It was an ‘aight’ movie, I didn’t think it was as funny as I’d expected it to be, especially with Martin, Monique, Cedric the Entertainer, AND Mike Epps being in it. First Sunday was much, much funnier. I halfway watched/listened to the Grammy’s…weren’t Kanye’s performance and speech amazing??? I also thought Amy Winehouse performed really well…and need I even SAY how much I loved Alicia Keys’ and John Mayer’s performance. I love that man ya know? 
Other than that, I posted a new youtube video. Not doing anything special, lol, in fact I just did a lip sync of one of my favorite songs, Kissin’ You by Des’ree (the original version/artist that INSPIRED Beyonce’s version—which I also like, for the record). Here it is (check out them actin' skills, can you feel the emotion I emit, or CAN YOU FEEL THE EMOTION I EMIT??!??!! lol):





I’m trying to think if there’s anything else I’ve left out…that should pretty much bring you up to speed on everything. Oh yeah, I’m headed to St.Louis Friday after work, for the weekend. It’s Candice’s birthday, yaaaay. We’re finna do it up real big, be sure to check for pix next week. Also, we’re planning to get tatted together while I’m there. I’m getting a musical scale, across the length of the inside of my left wrist. Above the scale will be the words “Music Is” and below the scale “My Boyfriend”. I think Candice is gonna get hers on her ankle, and I think she's getting a butterfly with the caption of "If I Had Wings..." (which was my idea, chea!). I can't wait!

One other thing, I ordered a new comforter set, can't wait for it to get here, the one I have now is long overdue to be replaced, peep the new ish!

Um, yeah, so, that's it. I'm not sure what's on the agenda tonight, but obviously after an entry THIS long, I won't be posting again tonight..maybe tomorrow. Love ya'll!

YOUTUBE VID OF THE Day-because I love me some Cory & Dondrea!!!




RMwaaaaah!

SSS, out!

I Owe Ya One

...my bad ya'll...I'm slackin.

Update comin' soon, I promise.

On the Run...

Okay, don't feel like actually typing anything tonight, so I thought I'd do a vlog instead. I'm posting it before it actually processes all the way on youtube, so if you click play, and it doesn't work yet, just give it a few minutes and check back. Love'ems!





RMwaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Lightning Round

I've been absent for what seems like forever....and unfortunately I'm not going to get too involved in this post because I really need to get to bed before midnight tonight, so, I'm gonna do a "lightning round" ( a term borrowed from my 'brother', Errick).

1. How about this...how about, I was afforded the opportunity on this past Friday, to return to my old job?!?!?! ...this, on the SAME day, that I was offered the position with the other company I told you about...unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?)..2008 is about change, and I've got to do BETTER for myself, so, I opted for the new position, pays more. Yay me!

2. Speaking of doing BETTER for myself, how did I manage to have another run-in with 'Ryan' this past Thursday? He was actually out and pretty wasted..and kind of obnoxious at that. Long story. Anyways, that's over and done with for good.

3. I got my taxes done today, woooohoooo, tax return in 24hrs, yeeeah baby!

4. Is it sad that I'm counting down the hours to Thursday? This'll be my last one out for a while, what with starting the new job 'n all :)

5. So, I've been resting a little better lately, for whatever reason. Last night was a little rocky, couldn't fall asleep even though it was like 2am when I finally laid down...I drifted off eventually. I wanna make sure I don't have another night like that though (at least on a weeknight), so taking the advice of Neal (who's pretty awesome by the way), I bought a bottle of wine earlier today and starting tonight, I'm going to have ...I think he suggested 2 glasses before I go to bed. I think it's working because I'm pretty sleepy..I'm just hoping I don't feel groggy n drained in the morning, 'cause wine does that to me.

6. So, I'm glad I didn't ward off dating. It's going pretty good. But, it's still scary, ya know? I'll try to expound on all this another time.

7. Uhhh, I think that's it. Oh wait, my car is almost paid off, yaaaaaaaay, what great news is that? I'm gonna hang onto it for a while and maybe look into fixing it back up, if I could find a replacement for ONE of my wheels (which is warped from a pothole), then I could get those put back on...get my brackets taken off the trunk, and it might be close to looking like it was before:

8. One last thing...since I'm no longer doing the Navy thing, time to raise up outta mom's crib (moved back home to avoid signing a new lease before shipping out)....so, the plan is by March (no later than April) to be moved out. Trying to get Candice here NOW so we can be roomies again...we can't wait!!!!!

K...I gotta go now, it's 11:33. So um, peace out!

I know that commercials were last week..but I love this commercial, so I HAD to feature it, I'll think of a new theme for this week (what's left of it), tomorrow!

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because 30 Minute Abs, Is Where It's At!

PS. RIP to Heath Ledger...I found myself really really sad about his death...

RMwwwwaaah,

SSS, out!

I'll Be Back

...update soon, I promise. And it'll be good.

Til Then,

Keep Missing Me :)

Odds 'n Ends

• 
  
  Another day, another dollar. Except...I'm not making any of those...yet. Soon enough. My remaining interview(s) are tomorrow morning at 9:30, for the job I've been telling you about. Hopefully I'll have good news to report. I'm also headed to the old j-o-b tomorrow to help out around the office. It'll be nice to work...never thought I'd be one to say that.
  
• 
  
  I'm paranoid...but that's another story.

• 
  
  I've decided to get two more tattoos. One behind my left ear, the other behind my right

Ahh, music to my ears...ha...get it? :)

• Special 'shout-out' to those that acknowledged my bulletin on myspace, greatly appreciated.
  
• Can a black person like Obama, without it being because he's black?Sheesh. All you people who think that, please know that you're annoying me.
  
• I need ideas for new youtube vids, help me out peoples. And speaking of youtube vids...I'm still waiting on YOURS (I ain't callin' no names...*cough* ERICA *cough* CaramelDelight*cough*)
  
• I was cleaning up files on my computer earlier, and I came across this song that I was on w/these guys in Birmingham last year, check it out here http://www.zshare.net/audio/6584295b69a84c/ ..oh, and it's not worksafe, or kid-safe, just to forewarn you.

Well, this is definitely one of those posts that I have to post just to say I made an effort. Nothing extravagant has happened between when I last posted and now. Tomorrow, maybe a different story. So, stay tuned.

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because "it's not STUFF, Meredith"

RMwwwaaaah

SSS, Out!

There's Light At The End of The Tunnel

"I heard someone say that an air plane is off course 90 percent of the time and the pilot has to keep adjusting it over and over until it reaches its destination. I'm not sure if that's true but it made me think...We must set our goals and continue to adjust until we reach our destination and goals...Stay on course!" ~Reverend Run (DMC)

I was discouraged last night, in case you couldn't tell. As you all know, I had a casual interview last week for a job with a commercial construction company, it went well, except that I was told before proceeding, I'd have to make sure I could get out of my enlistment with the Navy. I took care of that (in person) on this past Friday, and reported that to Jeff (the guy I'd interviewed with). I usually hear right back from him, but I didn't hear from him Friday. No word Saturday. None on Sunday. And when yesterday rolled around and I STILL hadn't heard anything, I guess I started to think that maybe the interview hadn't gone as well as I'd first thought it had. I prayed about it because, remember, I told myself that if I didn't have a job by January 21, 2008...then I'd have to jump on somebody's stripper pole (okay...I didn't say that, and I WOULDN'T do that, but, hell, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?)...kidding, but I did say that I'd have to break down and settle on just 'any ol job'. And let's face it, the 21st is not that far off. So,I prayed about it last night. And a funny thing happened....

1. This morning my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number. I never answer those kinds of calls. About a minute later, I had a voicemail. It was a guy, with Jeff's company calling to see about setting up an interview. I called him back and he said that he definitely wanted to meet with me Thursday, but also wanted to meet today for a sort of preliminary interview. Well, that sort of sucked for me in a way, because I was absolutely exhausted...this was around 10:30 this morning, and I still hadn't been to sleep from the day before. He wanted to meet at 2pm, so, I laid down for an hour and a half (which coincidently did me, NO good..but I'll discuss that later). Arose w/the help of some of my friends (told them to call/text me to make sure I was up) an hour and a half later, and prepared for my interview. Well, long story short, the interview lasted from 2-3:30. I figure an interview that long has to be a good sign, right? I feel like it went really well. He complimented me on being very 'articulate' lol. I go back on Thursday for another interview with two individuals that I'd be reporting to in the given position. If I get the job, I'd start January 28th. Pray.
   
   
2. I'd applied online, for an administrative assistant position with a bank about a month ago. Never did hear anything about it. Assumed (and you know what assuming can do...) that the position had been filled or that they just weren't that into me (lol). Well, out of the blue, today, I receive a call from an unknown number. Naturally, I do not answer. A minute later, another voice mail. It's a woman from the bank calling about setting up an interview. Unfortunately, when I called her back, the receptionist (or whoever) told me she was on a phone call, I left a message that I'd returned her call, but I haven't heard back from her. And maybe I won't need to :)

You know what they say, the "Lord works in mysterious ways." And "He may not come when you want Him, but He's always on time."

Aside from that, I've still been really consumed by the whole 'Ryan' incident since last week.


"Pain, Is Such A Funny Thing. When It Hurts, It Hurts, But When It Leaves, It Goes...so much better, to hurt a little bit now, than to be so far gone, and hurt a whole lot, tomorrow."


I'm letting it get the best of me, and that's not what 2008 is supposed to be about, really and truly. So, now that I've had five days for it to fester, it's time to put a band-aid on the wound and keep it movin. I've got far more important things to be spending my energy thinking about. Wouldn't you say?


What else? Oh, speaking of things getting the best of me. I'm not sure WHAT to do to conquer this whole insomnia thing. I honestly think medical attention is in order here. Or maybe some over the counter meds until I can get to a doctor (no health insurance at the moment, so that makes doctor's visits sort of a ...no-go). Insomnia..what can I say about it? If you've never had to deal with it, I think it's probably really hard to understand. You think you know, but, you have no idea.


Alright, I'll explain it as best I can. Imagine you're a kid again. And it's summertime. Back in the day, there was one thing all kids looked forward to (and even now, still do..both kids and adults):
Ah, yes. The swimming pool. Or the lake. Or pond. Or fire hydrant. Or maybe even the water hose. Whatever source of water you had available to you. Do you remember how drained you were after spending an entire day in the sun and water? You know, when you're so tired you can feel it weighing your whole face down, not to mention the rest of your body? Well that's how I feel every day/night. So, it's not that I'm not tired/exhausted, I am, trust me.

Uh, so why don't you just lay down and go to sleep.

Alright, let me explain what THAT'S like. So, I get all settled in and cozy. I close my eyes. And here, begins the dilemma. My body itself, feels like a weighted log...very very heavy. You could probably compare everything inside my body, to a racecar track.
I don't just mean that in the figurative sense, like "my mind is going a mile a minute"...I literally mean that my insides feel like they're racing, but they've got nowhere to go, so they just keep hitting walls. My mind, my nerves, everything...just very very jittery. And it's a physical feeling. I can feel my eyes moving around (when they're closed) and everything!

So far the only things that I've found that help are:

• Alcohol (which is why Thursday is the only night that I actually sleep at night-well, early morning, when I get in, around 230-3-and for longer than just a few hours)

• Sleeping pills (which I am waiting on my pusher to supply me with...j/k...or am I? [insert evil laughter])

• Or, what I'm used to, staying awake anywhere from 24-72 hours straight, until I reach a point of exhaustion.

Speaking of which, I'm exhausted now. One would think that after staying awake for such a prolonged amount of time, I'd at least get a decent amount of rest. Not so much. Until 5:30pm today, I'd been awake since I woke up YESTERDAY (the nap that I'd attempted prior to my interview..was a joke, I couldn't sleep at all, mainly because I didn't want to fall into a sleep where I wouldn't hear my alarm/phone when it was time to get up..and in turn, miss my interview). So anyways, I laid down at 5:30 to go to sleep, hoping, for the entire night. I woke up 2 hours later. It's 1:29AM now, and I'm still awake. *SIGH*

I guess now's as good a time as any, to try again...right after this game of Literati... wish me luck (with the sleep attempt, not the Literati, I got that on lock!).

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because Sonic commercials are my absolute favorite!

RMwaaaah

SSS, out!

The Sun Is Somewhere Shining, Even When It Rains...

"The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, aloop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you willmake it to a place called Success. In your Happy moments, Praise God. Difficult moments, Seek God. Quiet moments, Worship God. Painful moments, TRUST God. Every moment, Thank God."

Currently: Seeking God, 'cause I'm definitely having some difficult moments.

...tired of all life's battles choosing me...

Anyways, that's all for tonight. More tomorrow, possibly.

This week's theme for feature video is FAVORITE COMMERCIALS.

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because any commercial that has the word 'kumquat' is alright with me!

At least I've still got my sense of humor.

RMwaaah

SSS, out.

Temporary Post

Hey ya'll....

This is just a quick entry to tell you that I haven't forgotten to post, it's just that Thurs-Sat are usually kind of busy, being the weekend and all.

But I WILL be back to post soon....gotta report on what happened Thursday night...whew. (Pix 2 Be Included!)

So, stay tuned!

2008...It's Gonna Be Great

So, I met up with Jeff earlier. And I feel REALLY great about our meeting. He told me about the company and what all the position would entail, and what's to be expected and all that. Everything sounds GREAT. He's a great guy and I think it would be great to work with him. Not to mention the position itself seems to be well within my spectrum of experience. I think this is exactly what I need, to start the new year off right. But....

...yes, there's a but. There's one slight problem. Back in September, I...I, uh, joined the Navy. Yeah...don't ask. Just know that I did it. Swore in, all that. I'm supposed to ship for bootcamp on June 03, 2008. Well, since September I've sort of decided that that was a hasty decision and although I wholeheartedly think it would be good for me, I just don't think it's for me. If that makes sense. So, I plan, on Saturday to tell my recruiter, it ain't goin' down. Pretty sure you're probably thinking: uh...can you just GET OUT of that, after you've already joined and sworn in? Well, based on what I've read and what I've been told by others, I can. I guess we'll see, come Saturday morning.

Nothing else to report. Only 2 meals to day...but uh, look at what I whipped up for breakfast:

Gawd, it was good. Mmm.

Okay, I think that's about it for today folks. Oh wait...one other thing, I did part 2 of the Vocaburap (*see previous entry for the first video):

And now for tonight's excerpt from he's just not that into you- The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys:

Chapter 1 he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide by half.

Now you being the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have mad for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in. *BEGIN EXCERPT*

THE "MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT TO RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP EXCUSE'

Dear Greg,

I'm so disappointed, I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?

-Jodi

Dear Friendly Girl,

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster-but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if you're dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if could lead to sex, whether it be a "fuck buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves--we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of--and I say this with a lot of love--is how not attracted to you he is. *END EXCERPT*

Ouch. Been there, done that. No more.

Th th th th th th thaaaaaat's All Folks!

FEATURED VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because Kelis Ain't Got NOTHIN On This!



If you didn't laugh [hard] a minimum of three times during that video, then I'm convinced that you've got no sense of humor, whatsoever.

RMwwwaahh.
SSS, out!

Much Ado About...Well, You Know.

I don't have much of anything to report on today, so, this could be pretty brief.

[insert your Hallelujahs here]

Um. Let's see...ooooh. Remember yesterday's post where I mentioned that I talked to Jeff about a job? Well how about this...last night I was doing something that I'm notorious for [filling out bulletin surveys on myspace] and one of the questions was:

• Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?
  

So, I go into my actual call history..and this is what I see:

So I'm thinkin' to myself, like...um, dude:Clearly confused, I continue to scroll...I counted and uh, I called that number TWENTY-FIVE times.

Sigh. That's just senseless. Will definitely be using KEYGUARD more often. I checked the time stamps and they ranged from exactly 6:15pm to exactly 6:20pm. I called someone twenty-five times, in five minutes, lol. Wow. He had originally called me at ....::PAUSE:: okay...wow. I just made another realization. As I was typing this, I went into my AOL email and I checked one of the emails that he and I exchanged which has all of his contact information, and, the 564 number was NOT one of his numbers. Then it dawned on me...yesterday, my mom was telling me about some job thing one of the local newstations was hosting, where you could call into the station and talk to several employers there...and I remember I had to keep hitting redial and call a couple dozen times before I got through, because it was busy. So...thaaaat's who I called all those times, lol. Doh! Wow, don't I feel like a douche. I guess him not having a clue what I was talking about, when I sent an email apologizing this morning, makes sense now. At any rate...we're meeting tomorrow, yay!

Anywho, like I said, today has been pretty uneventful...as always I didn't go to sleep last night, I finally conked out around 9am this morning. When I laid down, I expected I'd probably wake up around 1, but I must have been REALLY tired, because I actually slept until 3. Woohoo, yay me, a solid 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep. Unheard of.

Aside from getting sleep, not too much accomplished here. I did make a new video though...

It's sort of silly. Well, hell, it's goofy as all get out (but what else is new)..buuuut, it was for a good cause, as you will see, here ya go!

Hey, whatever helps, lol.

I guess that's about it...oh yeah, I did want to start putting some excerpts from 'he's just not that into you: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.' For those of you that haven't heard of it, here's a quick synopsis, courtesy of http://www.wikipedia.org/:

He's Just Not That Into You is a popular self-improvement book written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo and published in 2004. It was a New York Times bestseller and was featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Maybe there's a reader that will get something out of it, but, I'm also posting it for my own sake (read it, write it, memorize it, live by it, lol). So, starting from the beginning (this is from the introduction), here goes:

[so much for being 'brief' ...oh well]

YOU ARE ALL DATING THE SAME GUY

Hey. I know that guy you're dating.

Yeah, I do. He's that guy that's so tired from work so stressed about the project he's working on. He's just been through an awful breakup and it's really hittin ghim hard. His parents' divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can't get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about (*sidebar from SSS-this is the excuse my ex gave me after we broke up...smh...ok, continue reading). He just got a new apartment and the move is a bitch. As soon as it all calms down he'll leave his wife, girlfriend, crappy job. God, he's so complicated.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life. Are there men who are too busy or have been through something so horrible that makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends. For as already suggested, a man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he's just not that into you. That's why we've written this book. We wanted to get the excuses out of the closet, so to speak, so they can be seen for exactly what they are: really bad excuses.

Hey---do you remember that movie when the girl waited around for the guy to ask her out, then made excuses when he didn't? Then she slept with him when they were both drunk, and basically just hung around until they were kind of dating? Then he cheated on her, but because she knew deep down inside that if she forgave him and kept her expectations low and was really agreeable that she'd get him in the end? He was drunk at the wedding but they lived miserably ever after in an unsatisfying relationship that was built on a shitty foundation? You don't? That's because those movies don't get made, because that's not what love is like. People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. Big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your own life. And the more you value yourself, the more chance you'll have of getting it. So read the excuses, have a laugh, and then...put them all to rest. You're worth it.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Food for thought. Masticate on that! Provided I don't get uh...sued for posting these excerpts, I shall continue [and even if I do get sued, hell I'm broke, so I guess I'll just be washing dishes for some years :D ].

Welp, that's all folks. Only thing left now, is today's Featured Video of the Day...and I think the theme this week is, Youtube Videos That I Personally Find To Be Truly H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S:

[**WARNING, NOT WORK, OR KID SAFE DUE TO LANGUAGE**]

Featured Video of the Day-Because there's nothing like watching a crackwhore on a blind date (especially when her date doesn't know what he's in for).


Aside from the very end where they talk about 'next week's episode,' [because that wasn't funny at all], that has gotta be one of the funniest spoofs I've ever seen!

RMwaaah.

SSS, out.

Everything. Simultaneously, Nothing.

So, I've got good news peoples.

Earlier today, I was doing as I said I would; madly hunting online for a job. I found a few things to submit my resume for:

• Administrative Assistant w/a fleet service
• Receptionist w/a government contractor
• Administrative Support for the city inspection department

Plus, I emailed my resume to a few folks I'd networked with whilst downtown at my favorite spot:

Also, one night a couple months ago, I was having a drink with a friend of mine, at:
It was pretty empty in there, on a...Wednesday night I think. Anyhow, it was just me, my friend, the bartender, and these two other guys. So we all ended up chatting and seeing as how I'm looking for a job, that always comes up in conversation and is usually a good way of networking. So, I exchanged email addresses with the two of them (and we're all actually pretty good friends now). One of them told me that he might actually have a position coming up, and told me to make sure I stay in contact with him. It just so happens that I emailed him an updated version of my resume today. About 3 minutes later, maybe not even that many, he emailed me back and told me to call him. Long story short, I'm going to meet up with him on Thursday sometime to discuss a position as a Project Manager's Assistant. We're going to go over in detail what the position entails and all and if I'm interested, then interviews with 'his people' will follow.

I'm really excited! Wish me luck!

So, that's that.

Remember the video I told you I was making last night? The 'tag' video? Well, it's complete (with the help of Takiyah's creative editing, lol). Here it is:

Crazy, aren't I? Yes, I know this much is true.

As promised, let's discuss my slogan for 2008. You ready?

NO DATES IN 'O8

Yeah. Pretty deep, eh? A little far-fetched, maybe.

Yeah, I was out of touch/But it wasn't because I didn't know enough/I just knew too much/Does that make me crazy?/Does that make me crazy?/Does that make me crazy?

Possibly.

~Gnarls Barkley-'Crazy'

Part of me thinks it's a little absurd, but part of me sees it as a challenge.

But Robyn, WHY???

Well, it's like this....excuse me while I go a little *emo on you for a hot second.

*Sidebar-for those that don't know what I mean when I say 'emo.' When I use it, I mean 'melodramatic' or...'angsty.'

Alright, I'm twenty-six years young. I'm a woman. Fairly attractive. Highly intelligent. Great sense of humor. Diverse. Pretty much, awesome....wait, does that make me sound conceited? Because Lord knows, I am certainly not that, by any measure of the word. BUT, that said, I AM convinced that I'm a good catch and have a lot to offer someone at some point. Generally, I don't do a lot of dating, because, well, there just aren't many people that I meet that I'm interested in spending any extended periods of time with. Like I said in the first entry, I'm not usually [overall] attracted to many people. Which makes me...extra lonely, lol. I mean, I do want that person that I can hang out with and joke around, go out with, or sit at home and watch movies, walk through the mall holding hands or just, whatever. But, I don't want to get involved with anyone just for the sake of filling some void, ya know? Because, well, that's just a waste of time, and I've done enough of that. At this point, I feel like, as cliche' and cornball as it sounds, maybe I need to take some time to be happy ALONE...like, content with being on my own. And maybe if I can attain happiness when I'm by myself, then just think how much happier I will be, when I DO find that person. So, what do you think....a year off to learn to be happy on my own? Or is that a bit much? A whole year? Is it unrealistic?

I'm not sure. Because, there's always that chance that, while doing that, I may pass up someone that's perfect for me.

Que Sera, Sera (What Will Be, Will Be).

Before I leave this subject, let me touch on one thing. I don't want anyone to get it twisted. I'm not at home crying my eyes out because I'm lonely. It's a fleeting feeling/thought. Even when it's pretty consistent, it's not as if I'm just locked up in a dark corner or anything. I'm happy...I'm happy with who I am, and who I'm striving to be. I just know that there's something missing, if that makes sense to you.

Okay, now, let me bring the beat back, lol

I had 3, count em, THREE, meals today! Yay me!

Here's something funny....then again, maybe 'I' just find it funny because my sense of humor has reaching embarrassing levels of immaturity :D

This is from earlier when I was job hunting...yes, I take pictures of just about any and everything(pay attention to the last line before #13):

Aaaaahahahahahahahahaha. Okay, maybe it wasn't that funny, but, I did get a kick out of it.

Anywho, speaking of pics, I have an idea. A few years back, on my xanga, I did this thing where, people could give me either types of people or funny faces, and I'd take a pic of me and post it, in character (using whatever I had around the house). For example: detective, librarian, etc. Or for faces: disappointed, constipated (lol), stuff like that. So tell ya what, submit your pic ideas and if I get enough of them, I'll post em up! Be creative people. I repeat, creative. And don't be on no bull neither...I will not be strippin' or any other retarded mess, lol. K, that's that.

Another thing I think I might start doing, is having a Weekly 'Feature of the Day.' So, like, for this whole week, the feature will be videos. And each day, I'll post a different 'Feature Video of the Day.' May be a music video, a random youtube video, etc...just whatevers. Then next week, the feature of the week may be a picture, or a joke, or, well, you get the point. Anyways, look forward to that.

And well, I guess that's it for me tonight, nothing else to report.

Feature Video of the Day Because this will never stop being funny to me.

Oh Mr. Turner, You're My Hero. Here's to 'keepin it real.'

After these messages, I'll be riiiight bok!

SSS, out.

P.S. On myspace, I posted a survey on my bulletin board. That survey had this question:

What does your last text message say?

My response was:

Before I say...you have to understand that the person the text is from...we exchange really really really, randomly retarded messages. The LAST text message I received said: Do you think daphne performs sexual favors for crack? Cuz I'll get some...

LMAO...I feel like you deserve to see the rest of the messages.
Uh...to see them, go to my blog...sucka!!!!!

Okay, so if you're here to see the rest of that text convo, here's how it went:

Ben: one thing i never understood about scooby doo, do all of them live in that van?
Me: Yes, absolutely. Its pretty spacious inside.
Ben: So 4 people and a giant dog live in a van together?
Me: Yes. And they all do crack when they're not catching masked bad guys.
Ben: Do you think daphne performs sexual favors for crack? Cause I'll get some...
Me: No, but Velma does.
Ben: Not my first choice but oh well she'll do.

And there ya have it. Yeah, we're pretty outrageous, and it's like that ALL the time, lol. Stay tuned for future crazy messages.

SSS, {REALLY} out {this time}.